Begging Money

Financial Hardship Help

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A Struggling Artist Who Needs Some Help

Hi everyone, my name is Ilia and I’m the typical “starving artist”. Okay, maybe not quite starving, but definitely struggling. I’m in school for Visual Merchandising Arts, which has been an amazing opportunity. I’ve had my share of part time jobs, but between having terrible anxiety and being harassed by coworkers, I decided to take a step back and try to make money a different way. I decided to take a risk and start selling my art. It has always been my dream to turn my passion for art into a side hustle or a full time job. It’s daunting to take a risk like that, but I figured what better time to try to make money from home doing something I love. Working from home was especially appealing due to the pandemic. My significant other’s family are high risk, so I constantly need to be taking as many precautions as possible. This was another reason I figured fast food and retail work might not be ideal at the time. So I decided to find a platform that could help to make this idea come to life. Etsy seemed like a great choice, as it is very user friendly for both the seller and the buyer. On Etsy I began to sell downloadable wall art, and also accept commissions to paint custom colorful pet portraits. I was inspired to begin these commissions while working on a painting for school. We had to paint a colorful lion, and I loved the process. I found it to be extremely gratifying and relaxing. Then it dawned on me. What’s one thing that people love wholeheartedly and would probably want painted? Their pets. So many people see their pets as their children, and would love to display them on their wall. I was so excited to see where this opportunity would lead. However, it isn’t going as well as I had hoped. The downloadable wall art isn’t very popular, and people found my commission prices to be unreasonable. Because I’m still young, people dismiss my art and don’t think it has much value. However, they don’t consider all the materials used, and all the time and effort that go into my paintings. It has been quite discouraging to not receive the support that I hoped for. This setback does not mean I will give up, I intend to keep working hard and taking risks to become more successful and do what I love. But it does mean that for the time being, I am struggling financially. I would be thankful for any support that you can provide. If I become a successful artist… okay let me be more optimistic. When I become a successful artist, I will make sure to give back by supporting other struggling artists who are in the position that I am in now. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my situation. And thank you so much for any help, it means more than you could ever know.

 

https://www.paypal.me/iliart 

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Higher Education

Hello all who are reading this, my name is Cara.

 

First, I would like to say I hope everyone is doing well and that everyone is safe and healthy. We are in unforeseen times but I am positive that everything will get better soon and the world and the people in it will now be more attentive to cleanliness. 

 

What the world getting better means for me is college. The place where I will finally be on my own after 19 years. The place where I will find my individuality. The place that will give me the opportunity to be successful in life and accomplish the goals I have set for my life morally and financially.

 

I have been dreaming of college since the Summer of 2016 and now for a little over 5 months I have been attending the University of South Florida as a Criminology major, minoring in Business with a concentration of Entrepreneurship, and who has enrolled herself on the Pre-Law Track.

 

Why the University of South Florida? I have always felt a connection to the city of Tampa and the university itself has always been appealing to me. There were limited places in Florida for me to study Criminology and this university was always personally the best place for me to do so. Also, the university is only 30 minutes away from the FBI Field Office in Tampa where I hope to be completing an internship at.

 

Why Criminology? My career goal is to be a Criminal Defense Lawyer and maybe one day an FBI Special Agent in the Criminal Investigation Division. For a while now this has been the way I want to help people in the world. It has been the way I know I will make a difference in this world and with the studying of Criminal Justice and Psychology becoming a hobby for me, I only found it right to study Criminology as it is the line between both subjects. 

 

To move on, I want to explain why this fundraiser is important to me. I am in a good place mentally and physically as a young adult. I try to eat healthy and workout. I do online work everyday. I manifest and visualize everyday and I make sure to appreciate everything, even the little things. I have a nice small family and we are blessed. Unfortunately, we have not been exactly blessed financially. This is something though, that I have not realized until it has become evident that I will be a first generation college student in my family.

 

With that being said, over the last few months I have been completing financial aid things, I have been learning a lot about tuition and fees, and I have been shocked by most of it. I have always heard about how much it cost to attend college but I never really thought it would be a problem but I was wrong. I have managed to convince myself that everything will be fine. That I will get through my freshmen year and that the financial things will be figured out somehow, and then it dawned on me that I will still have 3+ years to worry about plus my graduate plans.

 

The last thing I want myself to worry about is if I will have to give up this higher education because I can’t afford it. But the thought sneaks up on me every single day. So here I am today asking for the help of any and every soul that wants to help. I am in an unfortunate situation and it will mean the world to me if all of you guys could help me get out of it. I will truly forever be grateful.

 

To leave on a good note, I would like to share a thought, 

 

To most people in the world, the strongest words you can say is love or hate; but that is not the case for me. Success is the strongest word in my dictionary. I long for it. To be in a place in a society where I am happy. Where I am not struggling. Where I do not have to prove anything to anyone because my presence and status says it all. I really want a voice in this world. I want to be successful in a way that helped multiple people. I want to solve crimes and study criminals. I want to put the bad people away and make sure the good people have a sense of freedom. I want to be that person who people I’ve helped feel the need to find me years after and just say thank you. I want to be successful in this way. 

 

I hope all of you could truly get a sense of my positive energy and my persona through my words. And I want to thank all who donates and I do encourage you all to share my story.

 

Thank you.

https://www.paypal.me/tacarans

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Achieving the Dream of being in Healthcare

Hello, my name is Jamaica. I am a pre-pharmacy major that has dreamed of becoming a pharmacist and giving back to the community. I have come to you today because I am in a predicament with very few options available. Back on November 13th I was laid off from work. Unfortunately, this came during a time where I was struggling with mental health and even though my employer knew about it, they let me go. From that day, until now I have been attempting to find ways to help earn some sort of income. I did, luckily, manage to acquire a job at a pharmacy that’s nearby, but unfortunately their systems are having great difficulty adding new hires to the system, so I have never been given an official start date and it is going on two weeks to this day. I’ve reached out in an attempt to acquire unemployment, but I haven’t received a single word back from them and it has been going on three weeks since I have first applied. In the meantime, the bills that I have to pay each month are quickly draining my savings…far faster than I can keep up with. I have reached out to my family for help, but there is very little that they can do, seeing as how money is extremely tight.

While all of this was occurring, I was attending college and nearing the end of the semester when I was notified that my student loans were exhausted for the semester and I had a remaining balance of $1378.50 on my account. I asked about what my options were and was told that I would have to either pay the full amount out of pocket, or obtain a private loan. I explained the situation where I didn’t have a job and no form of aid coming in so that it would be impossible for me to pay out of pocket, much less be able to acquire a loan while I am not working, but the people that worked in the busar’s office could do nothing but apologize and explain that I have until January to pay off that balance. They do have a payment plan, but the problem with the payment plan is that, I cannot go back to school until that entire amount is fully paid off. I have only two courses left and those courses are only offered during the spring. I would have to put my education on hold for an entire year before I would be able to finish what little I had left to enter pharmacy school.

I am trying to do as much as I can to save money by putting off buying groceries, holding off on paying for bills, and looking for a multitude of alternate options. Any little bit would be much appreciated. I’ve worked long and hard to get this close to achieving my dream of being a pharmacist and giving back to the community, I don’t want to have to put it on hold for a year.

 

https://paypal.me/jnix990?locale.x=en_US

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Need help paying remaining cost on tuition.

Hi my name is Cristina and I really need help. I lost my job due to Covid and decided to finish my last semester of my bachelors degree. I ran out of unemployment and can’t pay the remaining tuition. My account is on hold until I can pay it so I can’t graduate or even take classes for my masters. I know it’s selfish to ask but I’ve applied to jobs everywhere but I live in a small town and there’s not much. Any donation would be tremendously appreciated especially around this holiday time. Thank you in advance.
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tuition fund

Hey,

I’m 20 year old girl who lives in my own flat and at the moment in a stuck end job. I would some money so, I can go to university and fulfils my life’s dream is to become a psychologist and help people.
my main reason for taking this career path is that I lost my brother 3 years ago to suicide, he hung himself and sadly my mum found him as it was too late. Suicide is an awful way to die and I want to help as many people as possible and hopefully save lives.

I have never ask for money in my life and I was always great full whenever I received pocket money or getting £10s for my birthday from my Nan.
I really need your help so any donations would appreciated with all my heart.

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Language School Funding

I have a dream of becoming a Japanese to English translator, and have learned quite a bit of Japanese; at this point I am considered intermediate. However, this is not enough to start finding work as a translator, so I need the chance to really study in a challenging environment to finally push me to the advanced level. I believe a language school would be perfect for this, and my dream has always been to study for a year in a language school in Japan.

The only downside to language schools is the fact that, unlike universities, they must be funded entirely out of pocket and you have no chance to use student loans. It is quite expensive too, mainly because of the student visa. The tuition of this school is very reasonable, at approximately $8000 for a full year. However, to get a student visa to live in Japan you need proof that you have $25,000 in your bank,

This is the language school I believe I want to go to. https://www.isi-education.com/location/takadanobaba/ Not only does it have courses that can take you to fluency, you have the option to take extracurriculars that will help you find a job using Japanese, help you get into a Japanese graduate school, or even art school.

It is because of this that I started courses at a US school that is based in Japan. I thought I would be able to find private student loans, since I have already exhausted all federal ones. However, while in February I was approved for a private student loan through Discover, when I reapplied (the original one expired due to my entrance being delayed by covid) I was denied, despite the fact that my credit has gone up. I have tried countless loan applications, and no one will approve me. I do not have a valid cosigner. So, not only can I not afford language school, I can’t afford to go to a university with loans either. I have worked hard to save money this year, and so far have saved up $6000 despite covid. Obviously, that is nowhere near enough.

I am a diligent student, and have always received As in any language class I have taken. I will attach photos of the grades I received for my 2 online Japanese courses this year. Therefore, going to a language school would not go to waste. I believe it would be all I would need to finally become fluent enough to pursue my dream job.

I would like to find a way to save up $30,000 to thoroughly cover the amount needed for the student visa. I know it is a lot, but I am really hoping some generous people will see this and help. I have lost hope and really don’t know what else to do.

https://paypal.me/GoStudy13?locale.x=en_US

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Need money to study abroad (canada)

Hi

my name is sahil . I am currently live in US and working as a cashier at gas station . Currently i am not in a situation to help some one because i earn a little amount of money and have to pay rent pay bills and feed my self . I really don’t have money to spend on my self but some of my loved one relative asked me for money to send there daughter to study in canada . But really i don’t have any kind of money with me to give them . They need about 8 lakh rupees which is near about 12000$ in US . I really can’t able to say No to them . They relay on me . They have 6-7 lakh with them which us about 9500-10000 $ USD but they need more i just have time to send money by this year like December last if some one can help please help me . I will be very thankful to you … I am begging to you all please help i am really under big burden thanks alot

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College tuition help

Hello! My name is Brianna. I am a college student in the nursing field. I am on here looking for donations to help with tuition and school costs. It has been very difficult the past 2 years going to nursing school, which is like a full time job. I have 2 semesters left before I graduate and I can not explain my excitement. The next two semesters are all online so it’s going to be so different doing it from home but I guess that is the new normal. This semester coming up is around $2000. I have applied for grants through the school but I have not heard anything back. The next semester starts in January but the fees for classes are due December 7th. I am signed up for four classes and two labs to go with it. I will upload a photo of my proposed schedule. I don’t know anything about loans and the faculty at school are not helpful at all. I have been trying to not use more credit cards. I did apply for a scholarship and I did receive $250 to go towards the tuition. I work full time as well at a vet hospital. I’ve worked there for the past five years. But with everything going on recently with the corona virus and hurricane, my hours have gotten cut. It has been tough trying to keep up with everything. I am just so ready and so close to finishing so that I can finally get my first nursing job. I am still not sure what area or specialty I want to go into yet. I have thought about maybe working on a cardiac floor or my dream job as an ER nurse. Last semester I did clinicals on an cardiovascular surgery floor and it was very interesting. The ER would be amazing and so fun to work on but I know I will have to get experience first before working there. I want to continue my education as far as I can. I really don’t want to take a semester off because I know how hard it is to go back. In two semesters hopefully, I will graduate with my bachelors degree in nursing. After that I want to continue school and obtain a masters or doctorate degree as a nurse practitioner. I used to get assistance  for school but it only covered a certain amount of semesters. All of my prerequisites and first semesters of nursing school were covered and now I’m struggling with what to do. I would appreciate the donations greatly. I can not wait to give back in this career field. Anything helps! Thank you so much!

 

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/briannademarco

 

 

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Please Help Me Continue My Education

Hello everyone,

My name is Dinda, I’m currently a 5th-semester film student studying at the New York Film Academy in Los Angeles. I’m originally from Indonesia, and I came to America to chase my dreams – being a filmmaker and be the first woman in my family to obtain a degree.

Many people think that filmmaking is just a means of entertainment. But what many people don’t really realize is the importance of film – how a film can shift someone’s perspective, manipulate someone’s feelings, and educate the ignorant. I truly believe that filmmaking can be a platform for my voice to be heard. I want to spread love and kindness and show that despite our differences, all of us can coexist in a safe and peaceful environment. People seem to hate what they don’t know – so why not make them familiar?

To be honest with you, I’ve been holding off asking for help because I’ve been trying to solve the problem on my own for the past year. But I can’t bear it anymore. When I first moved here, my parents are in good financial condition and has exactly enough to pay for my living costs and school tuition. They own their own advertising company. But in the past year, the business has been slow and they’ve completely cut me off. It’s not that they want to cut me off, it’s because they have to. My dad’s business went to ruins and they barely have anything to eat for themselves. I would get text messages from my mom saying that they’ve only eaten rice and eggs for the past week. When I heard about the difficulties my parents faced, I sold my laptop, I sold everything I have of value and moved to my boyfriend’s parent’s house with him.

Thank God for him because he helped me a lot – and I didn’t want anything for free so I always help him work even though I’m not strong nor qualified. Being an international student here, my options for working are limited. I have to graduate first before I can fully work. I want to move to a cheaper school but I only have one year left until graduation. The faster I graduate, the faster I can work and earn money, and the faster I’ll be able to help out my parents. I want to help them out, I need to, Ms. Winfrey. They’ve tried their best to send their daughter far far away and the least I could do is be successful for them. And I work hard for school, Ms. Winfrey. I received a 4.0 GPA last semester, and an average of 3.69 throughout my studies here. I’ve been on the Dean’s List for the past 3 semesters. I’ve been to a couple of local Indonesian film festivals too. I know I can be a successful filmmaker. I know in my heart I do.

With all that in mind, I guess what I’m asking is can you please help me out? I need to pay my school tuition fees this semester so I can continue my studies and work. The total amount of tuition this semester is 11,1128$. I used all the money I saved up to pay 2,149$ of it, so now the remaining balance is 8,979$. I tried raising money for it but everyone has their own problems and I can’t ask them to help with more. Many kind people in my life have helped me in any way that they can, and I am grateful for them. But truly, I can’t ask them for more.

Please, help me out, and please, help me continue my education.

Link to donate: http://www.paypal.me/bbyinda

Thank you for taking the time to read and God Bless You.

With Love,

Dinda

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I need help with tuition fee

Hello. I am a university student and everything was going well until the pandemic happens. I am not able to pay my tuition fee debt which is $10,000. I have gone through a lot to just want to make it here and finally I’m on my last 2 sessions before finishing. I have left my children to my parents to take care while I study and chase my dreams in getting this degree which I believe will be very helpful for making better lifes for my family especially my children. I can’t give up yet. My dream is just one step closer. It would be a miracle and helpful if anyone could help me out please and I will pay forward when I start to work after my graduation. Thank you and God bless you.

My paypal is: https://www.paypal.me/inasfah

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Christian Entreprenure

To whom it may interest,

 

My name is Ronna Churchill and I am a wife & a mother of 2.

I am beginning a Christian Entrepreneurship with Kingdom Builders. The financial commitment to start the training for this business is around $7,000. The training comes with a mentor, mindset training and a model to follow. The step by step training will allow me to be successful. My issue is that they want a lot of this money upfront as a commitment. I am 2 weeks into my training and am very confident in my ability to succeed. I have already put down a $1,500 payment in order to start my training.

Kingdom builders are real estate “finders”. They help people who are in over their heads on their mortgage, and people who do not wish to sell their homes in a traditional fashion. We help people who inherit property and just want to be rid of it, we give people another option when it comes to selling their home. As a finder I will connect these sellers with people/companies who are ready to buy or lease with the option to buy in cash.  As a finder I will take a small fee for making this connection. There are legalities to learn and a model to follow.

I am requesting this money to help my family survive during this transition. The holidays are coming up and being gifted provisions while I improve my career and educate myself would be a blessing beyond what I could ever dream.

So to the person(s) reading this, I pray that you would see the potential to help a mother looking to better her life and in turn, help the lives of countless others.

As my Kingdom Business grows I plan to donate to those in need, and someday start my own ministry.

Light & Blessings to you & yours,

Ronna Churchill

paypal.me/RonnaChurchill

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Funding my dreams

Hi, I’m Alexus Mercedes and I am looking to expand my horizons and create a better future for myself by taking the next big step to become an actress. Performing is my passion, it’s when I feel most at home and happiest. I am hoping that in reading this letter you may find it in your heart to help me in achieving my dreams.
Life has a funny way of testing our limits, unfortunately I have had health problems along with anxiety and depression which has been my challenge. To overcome these challenges I began performing, signing, and acting, mostly on the internet thus far though I have had the pleasure of singing at the Mount Baker theatre here in Bellingham, Wa. Performing has given me a place to escape to, a place of solace where nothing else in the world matters and I can express myself. .
With encouragement and support from those close to me I have decided that I am ready to take this next leap in my acting career, finding an agent. In my search for a good fit I first found that many of the largest talent agencies made me feel like a grain of sand in the desert, with hundreds of clients and little guarantee for work this was clearly not the right place for me. Eventually I found Talent Inc, this agency feels right, they support their talent, they are more personal and they are excited to have me as a client
The agency I am looking at working with holds classes to train their clients about the industry from behind the scenes to the best way to pose for the camera. They provide comprehensive 1-on-1 training with agents, managers, and casting directors on how to handle PR, and auditions, how to take directions and they will help me in refining my skills to adapt them from the stage to the screen. After the classes are completed they will be taking me to attend a talent showcase in Orlando, Florida which brings agents, casting directors, managers and more from all around the world, to scout talent. I am excited for the opportunity this provides as this has been my dream as long as I can remember.
Unfortunately due to Covid and my various health problems it is hard for me to hold a 9-5 job and while my wonderful husband supports us in our everyday finances, this is something I wanted to do on my own. Considering the current economic situation for many people, I understand that it may not be possible for everyone to donate. However, every penny counts and every penny is greatly appreciated. I have set up a go fund me to crowd source the funds I need in order to move forward with this, $4,500 for my classes, travel to and from Orlando, nicer clothes for audition, and to help with some of my doctors bills.

paypal.me/LexieS99

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College Student Who Needs Help

 

I am a college student who is in my last year of school and I am really having a hard time. Since Covid-19 hit I have had to move back home with my parents because I was let go from my job and have not been so lucky to find one which works with my hectic schedule. I come from a family who is very down on their luck so asking for money through them is not ideal for me because I am used to be the provider with the scholarship money I have had left over in the past. I am a Biology Major and Psychology Minor who has plans on going to med school to become a Neurosurgeon. I am a very hard-working student and have had to work for all my good grades and scholarships I have received in the past. But this year I was not able to qualify for a particular one which normally helps me and my family out during the school semesters. Going on to med school would be the best gift I can give my parents because I have seen the many sacrifices they have made for my younger siblings and me.

 

Med school pretty steep bill and have already had a couple of programs who has reached out and let me know they will be able to help me through my long 14 years of school. I was not blessed with ample of money and it has really been present with this pandemic still going on. I am asking if anyone can find it in their hearts to help fund my dreams. I have a bill that is due to my school that is still 17,372.00 and I need to have this bill paid before I am able to receive my actual transcript to apply to med school officially. I graduate in early December and have absolutely no idea how I will get that bill paid to apply for early admissions next year. I have tried everything I can think of with trying to earn money, even giving my plasma 7 times a month but that had only made a ripple in the ocean of money I still owe. I understand that I am asking for a lot of money and also understand that it will probably not come from a single person. I just hope a few people see how bright my future is and helps me through this rough time in my life. God bless you all and thank you for taking the time to read my story.

https://paypal.me/cheldynramsey

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Becoming a mental health counsellor

I am Charlotte, I am 22 years olf and I am writing this as it is my passion to become a counsellor and help people through their own personal mental health journey. Mental health levels have never been so low due to how challenging Covid-19 has been on people, yet it feel as though sometimes it is so difficult to get the support, there just aren’t enough resources to support everyone. I want to be able to change that, to be able to qualify as a counsellor and begin working straight away and know every day that I am trying to help somebody. I have already completed my level two and three courses and worked hard to get a scholarship for my level four-course which I am currently undergoing. However, because I have already completed a degree prior to this I am not eligible to receive any funding for the teaching fees of £900. This is devasting to me, as I chose to study Business with Marketing at the age of 16 and completed my degree with a first-class honours, however, it is only limiting me from my actual dream. I was still young and figuring my way in life at 16 but yet most job roles require a qualification and experience, but yet you are only eligible for one educational decision. I do not regret my degree as it taught me so much, I just wish I was able to use the skills I know in a field that I am so driven to work in. I am trying everything I can possibly think of to be able to complete my education and follow my passion. Anything that anybody could do would be greatly appreciated and you can know that I will spend every day offering support to people who need it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this

https://www.paypal.me/charlottehealy5

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Help Me Achieve My Mom’s Dying Wish

Hi there, and thank you for taking the time to read my post.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to respond to my mom’s death. Losing my mom was something I couldn’t prepare for, even though I had tried. Usually I am the person others look to for direction and guidance, but I remember that moment at the end; when the doctor told us that our mom had only a few hours left. I kept asking myself, “What must I do?” and only emptiness responded.

I am the youngest of five children. I was my mom’s baby. I have four older, more ‘experienced-in-life’ siblings. It’s a safe haven for me. It’s home.

I am a mom to a team of three incredible little humans, and a wife to one of the strongest and most intelligent men that I have ever met. A healthy and balanced lifestyle has always been important to me. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in July 2015. She was a heavy smoker.

I missed the first call from my dad that day. I was in a meeting when I saw the missed call on my phone. It was strange, but I already knew that something was wrong. I immediately made the call and my dad answered after only one ring. He calmly explained that mom had cancer and that the doctors had given her a few months left to live. There was nothing they could do for her. Then he cried.

I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for him that day, to tell each of us, one at a time, that their mother was dying, and that he couldn’t save her. That same month they had celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary. I felt so guilty that I hadn’t answered his call but rather, that I was returning it. I didn’t speak to my mom on the phone, and when we said goodbye I sat in silence…

I arrived at my parents’ house about an hour after leaving my office. During the trip there I had thought about what I should say to my mom, but I couldn’t think of anything of substance. By the time I drove into the driveway I had concluded that there was nothing to say; words were useless. I was surprised to discover that she was on her own. My dad had gone back to his office already, and then I realised that she would have demanded that he go back to work, to keep things ‘normal’. My mother was not a woman you chose to argue with, that is, if you had the choice. Behind three entrance gates, she sat with her book, her cup of coffee and a cigarette in her hand. Being the absolute lady she was, a long elegant filter fluttered between her lips and the space under her delicate but oversized hat. This was her signature style: she loved big floppy hats with flowers perched on top. She loved strong coffee, no milk. She loved heavy, lose-yourself books. And she loved cigarettes. There may have even been a tot or two of brandy in that black coffee of hers!

She looked peaceful under that huge umbrella of coconut palm trees, sitting gently at her outside table, legs crossed on top of her chair. Us petite ladies can do that. I suppose at some point, we all wonder and agonise over how and when we will die, and she had just received that secret. Maybe it brought her some sort of peace, to know the end of her incredible story. Her dark brown almond eyes lit up as she smiled at my arrival.

“What do you want to do mom?” were my first words to her. “I can take you anywhere, we can do anything you want.”

She smiled at me again, and under the brim of her huge hat, she said, “I have had a beautiful and full life. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I want to be here, with you.”

And with that said, we sat quietly, hand in hand, and wept through our smiles.
I don’t recall how that day ended. I don’t care to recall it. What I do remember from that day was the overwhelming peace, strength and courage that my mom displayed. How she joked, and how she told us to be strong for her. Never again did I see her cry for herself.

A few days before she died I realised that Death does not come quietly. It felt as though I had lost her already. She was confused and weak. Her petite and slender legs were so incredibly thin and papery that you could see the dark purple veins pulsating underneath. Her skin looked bruised and broken, and her hair was grey and thin, which despite her age, usually never saw the light of day under continuous black hair dyes and hair sprays. She was a phenomenally beautiful woman that had been resorted to a chattering old lady in nappies, incapable of bathing herself. Cancer is a cruel and relentless ride that you can’t get off.

I first learnt about the smell of Death on that day. I remember looking it up on Google; the sweet and putrid smell of a human body that is about to die. For the first time in thirteen months, I became acutely aware that we had lost her forever. I realised that this eccentric woman, who had loved so fiercely, lived so wildly, and who had protected and cared for her family so deeply, had already left us. Her suffering was now so great, that Death had became a much-needed respite.

I had barely settled into my day at the office when my sister called to say that an ambulance was taking our mom to the hospital. She was in pain, and the hospice nurse could no longer ease her discomfort. We all knew it. We all knew that once she arrived at the hospital, she would never leave.

I arrived before they did. And when they did, I noticed that my mom was the most coherent she had been in weeks. She smiled when she saw me, and told me that she was sore. She clenched her fists, she writhed, she pleaded for relief. I felt utterly helpless. I looked at my dad and my sisters, I saw the desperation in their eyes, and I heard their voices shake. I noticed how incredibly kind the doctors and nurses were being towards us and towards my mom. We were breaking all the hospital rules in our true family style. And then I realised that they too knew that this was her end. The rules do not apply when Death arrives.

I saw things over those next 48 hours that I wish I could unsee. I saw suffering that is impossible to be compared to anything other than torture. Not just my mom’s own suffering, but the suffering experienced by my sisters and my father.
The helplessness and confusion was immense. She would awaken for very brief moments, mumble something that didn’t make sense, and return to her sleepy state. We took turns sitting with her, only going home to shower and put on fresh clothes. But I don’t think she was really there with us anyway.

Then a miracle happened. There was a moment of pure stillness. We were all there, sitting around her hospital bed when she regained total consciousness. She made it clear that she wanted to say something, even though she could not talk at all. We surrounded her closely, like the petals on one of her favourite roses. She looked at each one of us for a few seconds, and with absolute determination she mouthed out individual I love you’s. No voice escaped her, but each of us understood her message. Finally, she fixed her eyes on my father. He told her that she could go, and in his arms, my mom closed her eyes, and left us. Peacefully.

It’s been four years since my mom closed her eyes for the last time. Those warm, brown, loving eyes that could also become like fire when her passions were stirred. She had beautiful eyes. A lot has happened in four years, and mostly because of losing my mom. Not just the loss of her, but the experience of it all. The suffering and the beauty of her death. The pain and the peace it brought to our family.

In the last four years, I have welcomed my third child to the world and immigrated my family to Australia from South Africa to pursue my mom’s dream for me. She wanted me to obtain a PhD. Today, I am halfway through my research, and I have paid AUS$45000 towards my tuition so far. I need another AUS45 000 to complete my PhD, which will then allow me to apply for permanent residency for my family here in Australia.

My request, is that somewhere out there, a donor would consider funding my remaining tuition fees so that I can complete my PhD, and make my mom proud.

My Paypal link is paypal.me/samanthalworthington