I’m struggling with bills at the moment. I have never asked for help, especially from strangers, so this isn’t easy to write.
I’m 33 years old and I’ve worked all my life, going from a small paper round from the age of 14 to working for the NHS since the age of 16. I got into some debt when I first moved from home into my own place and I’ve never recovered from it. Debt it all I know. Living in my overdraft and I don’t see a way out from it. I have two children ages 9 and 6 which I’ve never taken away on holiday properly, the only time I’ve been able to take them is if the holiday was paid for by someone else (mother). I feel like I’m failing as a father and as a partner, and it’s such a strain on my life because I know if I could pay my debts off then I could give myself and my kids a fresh start in life where I can actually do things with them. I have a big loan which I am paying off, very slowly, also two overdrafts with are impost to get out of. I have not long managed to get out of using payday loans and other dodgey loan services but I feel that I will be heading down that road again if I can’t get any sort of help. The bank have refused me when I’ve asked to consolidate my existing loan and overdraft and I’m at a lost end right now. I’ve gone through all sorts of different money schemes online which I thought might help but there’s hardly any value in some of them, offering me £5 for almost a days ‘work’. We are now coming to the end of the summer holidays as I write this and I’ve been able to take my kids to places which are free, which don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with it but I’ve not been able to take them anywhere where they can actually do fun activities.. it’s always the park, and by the river. It’s nice but I can see they want more. I get paid £1500 a month and just over £1100 of that goes on my bills including my debt. The rest goes on food for my partner, me and the kids, travel expenses and other shopping.  Being in a full time job I work crazy 12 hours including nightshifts so it’s difficult to plan ahead with meals. The kids and I very rarely eat the same. I try to meal prep as much as I can to save money but it seems like the more I try the harder it gets. Summers almost over and now I have to buy the uniform, and I just don’t know where the money is going to come from. If anyone even reads this then that’s great. It feels good to be able to write this out, almost as if a small weight has been lifted, or a first step in the right direction. I don’t know how it will go from here but I do know I will not stop working for my kids. Thank you for listening to me

paypal.me/egroegnivag

Hi everyone,

This is a desperate attempt at asking for some money to help make a payment. I’m an unemployed student at the end of my degree. For the duration of my degree I chose not to work as I was experiencing terrible anxiety and knew that I wouldn’t be able to do well. I took on the help of an online tutor who I was able to pay with some previous savings. However, after paying final instalments of my tuition fees, I was left in overdraft. I need to pay my online tutor $480, I know I have asked for $20 extra but this is just so that I don’t go over my overdraft limit. I have reached my overdraft limit, I can’t get any more overdraft or low interest loans. My parents have helped as much as they could (low income and other dependents). I’m currently trying to apply for jobs but job hunting is tedious and takes time. I’d really appreciate any help. Thank you very much!

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/my/profile

Let’s be upfront about the fact that I could have made very different choices in life to avoid this situation. While there are external factors that have made my situation worse you would be right to argue that I was in a position to avoid things getting this bad and should have been more prudent. Totally hold my hands up there. But in a world where Prime Ministers and Presidents are happy to solicit political donations to pay personal debts and fund their ridiculously lavish lifestyles perhaps you might wish to overlook the financial profligacy of someone who has largely spent their life and, until recently, money trying to help people less fortunate than themselves. So here’s the little narrative I’ve established mentally over the years regarding my finances.

On finishing school I trained as a nurse, and in the area I lived when I qualified was unable to find full time work due to job freezes for external applicants in the health service at the time (2007). The jobs I was able to get interviews for were offering part time roles as a way to subvert this system and give more people a foothold in the jobs market, as well ass offering flexibility by allowing people to work over their hours to cover sickness and so on. It seemed a comfortable wage to live on though, and I found I had enough money each month to save and pay off university debts and so on.

At this point I clearly developed a sense that my money could go much further than it really did, or that I could at least worry about the consequences of debt later in favour of helping those around me for the time being. So began a period of time in which I was essentially functioning as a carer, first for a partner and then for various mentally unwell friends and housemates for whom I worked less hours to provide emotional support and paid more bills – and even rent at times –  as well as food shopping and entertainment to provide relief, as many of these people were unable to work themselves and were constantly living with the threat of benefits being cut or stopped by a government with an ideological commitment to gutting the welfare state under the guise of austerity.

Anyway this went on for about 10 years or so during which time the cost of living was rising but my wages weren’t. I recently did a check using the Bank of England inflation calculator which showed that the pay grade I’m on now should be worth about £6,000 a year – 20% – more than it is now, but since I’m an idiot I still told myself that I could continue to spend beyond my means and deal with it later. I continued to work on one of the hardest front line wards I could and never sought promotion that would take me away from direct patient care, and although I increased my working hours to full time still allowed myself to drift further into debt. As time went on I realised that I’d spent my 20s supporting people who almost invariably turned out to be toxic and a drain on my resources, and ended my association with them, feeling like I was owed a nicer life than I’d made for myself. I began living for myself more, and expenses that followed such as travelling and a car, as well as donation to refugee and humanitarian causes which I couldn’t really afford, brought me to the position that meant most of my spare income was being spent on servicing existing debts. I moved to a different clinical area which offered better incentives for overtime and began to reduce my debts.

However over the last two years various health problems developed as a result of my line of work – largely a nervous breakdown, followed by a back injury – have left me unable to take advantage of the overtime available during the exodus of staff which was taking place even before the pandemic. This will likely change soon, but in the meantime I’m in a position where every month is a struggle to get by. The picture attached shows the state of my bank account on payday, and it’s clearly unsustainable. The total amount I owe is now in the region of £25,000. I know I need to work hard to sort this out and that whatever my good intentions were it’s a problem of my own making. I wouldn’t dream of sharing this with my closest friends or family but I’m not against asking for help from someone more fortunate than myself if they’re feeling like an anonymous random act of kindness; in a world of increasing inequality that money is peanuts to some people. I’ve spent a lot of my life living for others and in doing so working very hard for little reward, so if anyone feels like helping me wipe the slate clean it would be a huge relief.