Where do I start? I think I’m a pretty decent person. No criminal record. I have a decent job. I worked full time evenings and weekends all through high school as my mom could barely support my 2 siblings and myself as a single parent. I was a victim of some pretty nasty stuff as a teen. I still managed to graduate high school with honors.
I tried university but it wasn’t for me. A couple accounting courses got me a decent job. Since then, every job I’ve had, I’ve always advanced quickly, exceeded expectations, and worked well above my education.
I developed a drinking problem in my mid twenties. I quit cold turkey for 3 years, and have been just fine in that regard ever since. I only drink occasionally. I do not do drugs. I was also diagnosed with cancer in my mid twenties. Luckily it was caught early, and surgery was all I needed followed by ten years of regular testing to ensure it was gone.
After that I went though a period of depression until I met my ex wife. We had a good ten years together, but it wasn’t meant to be.
We split a few years ago, and back came the crippling depression along with anxiety and panic attacks.
I still see my step kids, albeit rarely. I love them dearly, but seeing them so infrequently has torn me apart. I have a very small circle of friends that I seem to see less and less as we get older. This loneliness has led to a nasty gambling habit that has ruined me financially. I have a pile of unsecured debt, and at this time, the bills have piled up, and I have no money. Payday is next week. When I get paid I cannot cover all of the overdue bills.
I do not want to declare bankruptcy. It will ruin my standing at a job that I love. I want to pay my bills, but i do need help to get caught up and back on track.
In one week, I have an appointment with the addictions organization in my town. I need help to quit and will do whatever it takes to kick this ugly habit. I have taken a couple days off next week, and plan to also see a financial counsellor to get some much needed guidance. And as hard as it will be, I will also be seeking assistance for my depression, anxiety, and whatever other issues I need to deal with. It’s time for a fresh start.
My extended family does not have much money. The only person I can turn to is a wealthy uncle on my late father’s side that I’ve only seen twice in 20 years…. at my Grandmother’s and father’s funerals. He is the only family left on that side. It wasn’t easy, but I called him last week, laid out my situation in its entirety, and hoped he would help me out. He told me he would think it over and let me know. He has not called back so it seems he’d rather not help me out. My honesty about how I got myself in this situation probably worked against me.
Anyway, if anybody can assist in any way, I would be forever grateful. I am a good person that made bad choices, and I’ve caused myself debilitating stress, and worsening depression. I blame nobody. There are some out there that claim that depression medications can lead to excess spending problems and gambling. Maybe so, but I could have seeked out help much sooner. I still see myself as entirely responsible for my situation. This spiraled out of control quickly. I feel so stupid. Coming clean to my mother last week was not easy.
Anything I receive from this site will be repaid with donations to others when i am back on my feet. I am a good person. I help my family out in many ways whenever I can. I always give something when someone in need asks me. I help out elderly neighbors when they need assistance. I’ve been knocked to the canvas many times in my life and I’ve always gotten up. Now I’m lying on the canvas, humbly reaching out for help, hoping someone will help me get back on my feet.
I will recover. I will buy my first home, albeit in a few years. I will remarry. No gambling. No loneliness. No depression. No anxiety. No pain. Just regrets to keep me from repeating my mistakes. I will regret, but I will overcome, and not feel sorry for myself.
Thanks for reading, and if you choose to help, I am forever grateful. If possible, I will update anybody on my progress if they want to follow my journey to recovery.