I’ve had a handful of good, but far more poor experiences happen to me, and I just don’t see an end in sight. In January, I was made aware of an imperative surgery for work-limited pain stemming from endometriosis and pcos. I was immediately placed on a disability leave from my employer, thinking that the severity would’ve minimized..
Healing took an impractical amount of time, and I soon found out that my long term boyfriend and I had a child on the way-something I never thought possible. Time went by, as I continued my medical leave considering I was “high risk” for carrying a child by my OBGYN. We ended up losing our child on the 12th of April, 2018, right after I, on my own, purchased a suitable home for our growing family. I resumed work, and then found out yet again, that I was expecting.
My credit was impeccable and my paychecks were plentiful and steady, even without off and on FMLA/ADA. I truly try to keep on the sunny side of things, and at the time repressed my loss and thought that this time would be different, and things were going to be fine and stable.
The second time around, I made sure to check off every important thing I could to ensure the healthy development of my child. I ended up resorting to gaining a financially stable roommate, so we could save. About a month later, I was in the same spot, and damaged emotionally from the loss of two human beings. I forgot how to be happy, and two experiences with this was what finally sank my boat. I would stay in bed all but to use the restroom and shower, and I started to hermit from the world minus my roommate and significant other.
My partner and I split, which was hard, as I felt the mourning was much lonelier as a result. Right before the miscarriage, I adopted a service dog, whom I named Kiwi. It was love at first sight. I could not ask for a more polite, intelligent, beautiful, and respectful dog than her, and I knew when I looked in her eyes that we were two peas in a pod. It was hard to adapt to, however, as we went through 12 different brands of dry and wet dog food, eventually discovering that just meal prepping would be financially easier, and always get a star in Kiwi’s book. She was a being that I needed to care after, so I began exercising her, and working towards her optimal health. Without her, I wouldn’t get out of the home, and experience the sun, which is essential in living a happy life. Her health improved immensely, which was amazing to see a one nugget of tub turn into a fit, energetic dog.
As time progressed, I learned my roommate, an individual I had known for years, began endangering my safety with bringing some very “off” men over. I woke up one morning, and my couch, table, pots, pans, hamper, etc. were all missing- even the $700 of rent owed to me she was behind. Right as I was ready to show the world how I could kick butt, I felt the rug pulled from underneath me, and I slipped into even deeper of a pit.
I frivolously searched for another suitable candidate, and with background checks, and credit checks, I found what seemed like a suitable couple. A month passed by, and the folks that seemed like amazing roommates, did a complete 180 on me, accusing me of statements that were hurtful to who I stand for as a person, with claims of animal abuse and illegal narcotic dealing.
I love my dog, because she saved my life from pending emotional turmoil, and she gave me a reason to love again. As for the narcotic accusation, I personally just felt targeted, especially since my allergy to narcotics had been spoked of prior around these tenants, when I opened up to them about my miscarriage.
I have promising leads in employment, but now I am at the state where my car battery doesn’t work, and my tires are not in the best condition, and I feel one road block after another taking it’s toll and chipping away at the once cheerful me, and I just want to breathe air again, and feel truly like my odds aren’t stacked, because I am ready to end the hiding, and I’ve accepted my loss this year, and I know that I can succeed again. I WANT to succeed again.