Hello, this is Cora.
I am currently 21 years old and i have been trying to find a job since January. I have been doing this for a few months, and May will be my 5th month trying to get a job.
The thing is, no one wants to hire me… People are too demanding in my country and they give more importance to grades than if we are good people, and actually hardworking. I only have 9th grade legally. I will only finish 12th grade in September and it will last 3/4 months (all because of a single subject that i unfortunately couldn’t pass when i was studying Arts), but i can’t wait anymore.
I have been trying to find a job with my mom in various places and areas, such as: supermarkets, clothing stores, cleaning, cafes and restaurants. No one wants us.
Do we need such a high degree to just fold clothes, clean rooms or serve coffee? And we are both good at english, so that should be of value too.
My mom doesn’t work since i was born because she chose to take care of her children instead of keep working because she didn’t want her children be abused by nannies or kindergarten teachers. She was that careful and she did everything she could to raise us and only gave us the best.
She never thought about the consequence of choosing to do that in her future.
My brother also have a dream. Since he was a kid he always had this goal of studying in Japan in a university once he finishes school so he can study programming (the language they use to create games, more precisely).
Now he’s 18 and finishing his 12th grade with grades of excellence, while studying and losing hair in order to have good grades for three consecutive years. He always had goals and he have been studying Japanese all this time and was always interested in creating his life in Japan.
That will not happen too.
The reason is…
My dad is racist, lgbtq+phobic, male chauvinist, manipulative, drinks sometimes and acts like he is the victim.
Just starting with that, i am pansexual and adore everyone. Me and my brother love other cultures. My mom supports the lgbtq+ community and other cultures.
If i was still a minor i would never think about living with my dad because of all of this and many more.
All this time he thought he was giving his children love with just his money and almost never engaged in our lives when we were kids because he preferred to spend nights with his friends and drinking. I am a good example because when i was little my mom said i would always cry whenever he was there from the rare times it happened, because i thought he was just a stranger.
He never cared about remodeling our house. Some of the many problems we face inside are: it rains inside. It is full of mole. All of the doors, windows and even my wardrobe were consumed by termites. Cockroaches invade when the weather is hot.
When something (like a shower head, a cable, lights or even the washing machine) is about to break for good, he lets it really break for good instead of replacing it or fix it. He even keeps us waiting for a new one to replace for days (or months like it happened once). He never wants to take care of it when there’s still time to fix it.
My mom never loved my dad. The way she was able to suck all of this up and live this life until now, for 22 years, is still a mystery.
She can’t even answer this too, but she cries a lot at night because of everything.
These past few months started to get worse. He started to harm us psychologically, and for more that we have discussions with him about everything bad he did or does to us, he still thinks he is the victim.
Last month, when there was a huge fight to the point i cried (when i never cried before because of this), my mom and brother waisted their voices and he left… he called not even an hour after telling he would commit suicide.
He was in the wrong and he even acted like he was the real victim…
Of course he didn’t do it because he said he was in a place that takes 4 or 5 hours to arrive, so not even the fastest car in the world could be there in less than an hour.
He was just trying to make us feel bad, but we aren’t fools.
In that same day he said he wouldn’t help us financially anymore and we were by ourselves.
He just blames us for everything when he is the one who does everything wrong.
The worst thing is that after all that happens, he pretends (or more precisely doesn’t understand the real situation and is like everything enters one of his ears and leaves the other) like everything is fine the next day and then tries to touch my mom’s hair and calls her “darling” and acts like nothing happened… when she clearly doesn’t want any of that.
Me and my mom have been talking since last year to find a job and move to a new house, but because of all of these problems and corona… it just seems like a mirage.
I am upset with the fact that my brother won’t go to Japan because no one in our country from the education department will help him financially, and the future he planned since he was very young will not happen. He would be absolutely brilliant.
I am upset with the fact that my mom isn’t able to leave this toxic and uncomfortable environment. She told me very times that if she had no kids she would have left long ago, even if she would be having difficulties by herself or living on the streets.
I am more upset with the fact that i can’t help neither of them and i feel very useless at the moment, even if they are making me feel sad these days.
These past few days i have been feeling extremely misunderstood and invalidated by all of them and i cry everyday even though i only want the best for them. I do everything i can to get a job.
I am forcing myself in order to try to change my life for the better, but because i’ve been searching non-stop online and spent all of my time doing so for months, no one sees how desperate and sad i am too.
It’s not only them. I am just as desperate as them, i just never show my feelings to people ever since i was a kid. I always kept everything to myself.
I have walked around the whole city and gave my curriculum in the places who eventually accepted it, but most of them just told me they didn’t want more people or only wanted people with experience.
I am 21 years old, i never worked before and have no experience. How can one will be able to work if no one gives us the experience we need and they desperately want?
I have been trying to sell my instruments and vinyl player too, but not even that people want to buy (or maybe i just can’t really sell that well). I also have some clothes i am willing to sell too, but i don’t think people would buy them because of corona.
My most precious possessions are my kpop albums and they are a comfort for me, but even if i would cry from seeing them go, i also cautiously pondered before if i should sell those or not.
To finalize, this is why i finally decided to write this and share my story in a few platforms, so i have higher chances of getting more shares and reach more people.
I am fully aware that there’s people who have it worse than me, but i just felt like this could help me (or us three) somehow right now…
If you read all of this until now, you have no idea of how grateful i am! Taking your time to do it is already of great help.
Thank you, wonderful human!
If you are kindly willing to help me, here’s my paypal:
paypal.me/bluepinkieshy
All of the money that is donated will help me rent a new house, at least for a few months to a year for us three… I am not asking for a specific amount because everyone can donate what they can, and every cent will definitely help us tremendously!
I wish you the absolute best and i hope life treats you well.
