This Is going to be a rather raw fucked up cold hearted unfiltered full of hate, rage and pain coming from inside of me that most of you hopefully have never seen it but I am angered and heartbroken, relieved and saddened all at the same time so either put on a seatbelt and grab some popcorn or move the fuck on because it’s going to be raw and put right out there.

About 60 minutes ago I received a text from my brother that my nephew Trenton Harris was found shot to  death on a bench in Seattle four days ago; we were just notified because they needed fingerprints notify his mother  Jennifer Pavan Harris Gutierrez.

Trenton was the eldest son of Jennifer and the recently deceased Kenny Harris.  Trenton never stood a chance.  When he died and I don’t know the circumstances surrounding his death but  he had been involved for I don’t know how long the selling of fentanyl. Ultimately I blame not just the shooter, not just  Trenton but my sister (his grandmother) Kathy Rebuck, his mother, Jennifer, and my sort of former half nephew Jennifers half cousin Kyle Pavan. Hell we could also blame the California foster care system from the 1960s and 1970s.

Kathy was married to Richard Pavan the father of seven children including Jennifer,  Trenton’s mother and Rick Pavan the father of Kyle Pavan.
Richards five children including Rick from his previous wife who had been involved in the California foster care system and I am not sure how many of them may have been molested but I know Rick Pavan,when I was maybe 11 or 12 and he was still in high school molested me and possibly one of my other sisters when he had gone to live with my sister Kathy and Richard in 1974 Around the same time that my father was murdered and my sister Ruth and I had to go stay with Kathy and Richard and the seven children until my mom could get her shit together and come back from Washington.

Although Jennifer was Richard‘s biological child and my other niece from my sister Kathy, Charlotte was not , Richard always favored Charlotte over Jennifer and basically ignored her.  During that time Richard was abusive especially to George paven his youngest boy who had it so bad in foster care that he still wet the bed at eight years old and I remember Richard making him sit in scalding bathwater as punishment and Kathy did nothing about it.

Kathy and Richard divorced and she married Robert Rebuck. Because of the abuse and neglect and the drug use that was going on in my mothers house in 1975 1976 when I was in junior high by my mother‘s boyfriend Jack Scott who raped me at age of 12 and my mother choosing him when I tried to commit suicide over it and she told me that she was not gonna make him move out I had to go live with Kathy and Bob. This is already after my mother, who people don’t understand why I don’t respect, did nothing about the sexual abuse she was made aware of committed by my grandfather Cecil Stafford and my father David Stafford. Cecil was a schoolteacher who molested God knows how many people and all the girls in my family. Back then things like that was just families dirty little secrets that people didn’t talk about . Cecil molested Kathy at 12 Ruth was maybe fifth grade. I was in second grade.  My father had molested me when I was 10 and my mother was told about it and she did nothing…. she did nothing with my father molested and prostituted out one of my sisters.

When I lived with Kathy for three years I was told I would never amount to anything if I wasn’t skinny.  I was constantly berated and humiliated in front of my friends and her and Bob’s friends for not being skinny despite being an honor student.  I stayed there through the verbal and mental abuse until I was 16 and couldn’t take it anymore.

Charlotte, I don’t know what all happened with her ( Kathy’s oldest child) but she was an alcoholic that committed suicide in I believe 2003. Jennifer alleged that Robert Rebuck  molested her and that’s why she hooked up with Kenny Harris when Jennifer was still in high school and got pregnant, married Kenny and moved out.

After Jennifer and Kenny who is also the father of Jennifer split up Jennifer had an affair with her half cousin Kyle Pavan who repeatedly raped both McKenzie and Trenton when they were adolescents. Jennifer not only did nothing about it but took Kyle Pavan’s side over her own children’s when it went to trial and Kyle was acquitted. I was sickened by reading police reports of the abuse.

After that time and since that time at various times Trenton and McKenzie and Jennifer‘s youngest son Sam stayed with my sister Kathy both in Elwood and after she moved to Washington state. The three years I lived with Kathy was the worst of my life mentally,even worse than the sexual abuse I had endured at the hands of my father, grandfather and my father‘s friend Ralph.

Trenton, McKenzie and Sam were then involved in drugs, heavy drugs and manipulated and ENABLED by my sister Kathy Rebuck. She did nothing to save those children. Trenton stayed with me briefly until he was arrested and went to prison in 2009 and was in and out of prison after that.

I’ve had nothing to do with my sister Kathy Rebuck since 2013 when she inferred to the police department and the fire department that I had arsoned my own home when it was an electrical fire as investigated by both the fire marshal and the insurance companies. Everything Kathy has touched has wilted and died or poisoned.
Trenton was found shot to death

I blame Kathy and Jennifer and Kyle for Trenton‘s death as he never stood a fucking chance.

The past week has been one for the books. Very tiring, very emotional, and I can’t wait until I have the time to finally stop and breathe. 

Just not yet…

As some of you already know, my daddy passed away on February 15th. Yes, I still call him daddy at 39 years old. 

So how did we get here?

In September of last year, Mark had a stroke. I guess in some ways I feel like we’re lucky. Me and my damn optimism. His physical impairments the 1st couple weeks were moderate, with him needing a 1 or 2 person assist to do most things. He had good days and bad days, and there was no rhyme or reason as to why some days were better or worse than others. His mental impairments were also moderate. He was still very sharp with recognition and talking about his finances and remembering phone numbers.

After a couple weeks in the hospital he was transferred to a short term rehabilitation center to continue speech and physical therapy. He remained in pretty good spirits throughout his rehabilitation stay but he was ready to come home.

The nurses and doctors and case workers needed a plan of action for when he wasked finally released to go home. I became his power of attorney over his finances and health decisions and we decided to transfer him once more to a nursing home temporarily while I got his house ready for his arrival.

A lot of work has gone into the house. Before the stroke had let a lot of things go. While he chose to live in the condition that the house was in, he was also medically, physically and mentally able to make that decision for himself. He had planned on selling for cheap and finding a smaller more manageable home to live in.

He had no heat, hot water, or working plumbing. By no means was he able to live like that after the toll the stroke took on him. If a case worker came to look at the house in the state it was in I’m sure they wouldn’t just say no, it would be a resounding HELL NO.

So my boyfriend and I with help of a few friends had literally transformed the house back into a home, for the most part.

The septic tank needs emptied still and we’re in dire need of a water softener with filtration. We also need an oven, a cook top, a bathroom vanity, among a few other things.

The electric needs updated badly. We’re talking 1960’s, no ground, electric. Half the house has no electric, I’m assuming a bad breaker but I’m not touching it… I had someone come look at it and they wouldn’t touch it either.

So we got him transferred to a nursing home in Whitehall, which he absolutely hated. I reassured him every visit that we were working as fast as possible to get him home.

My last visit there in the beginning of February was different. It felt different, he seemed different. I can’t begin to imagine the isolation and loneliness he felt. I feel like he was losing his faith in me to get him home where he belongs.

He wasn’t talking much to me, just barely responding to what I was saying. At this point I didn’t blame him.

I said goodbye, kissed his cheek and left.

A few days later I get a call from his nurse saying he isn’t doing well, that she recommends hospice and that I need to come see him. She said bloodwork came back fine, but he wasn’t eating and was lifeless.

I felt like he was giving up, I had taken too long and that this was it.

When I got to the nursing home I sat in my car for a little while prepping myself for what I was gonna say and so I wouldn’t start bawling in front of him. A squad pulled in about the same time I did and I had a feeling, but at the same time I hadn’t received any calls either.

I get stopped halfway down the hallway for his nurse to say he got squaded out to the hospital, he wasn’t doing good at all and she gave me a number for hospice.

When I got to the hospital and saw the decline in his health over a matter of about a week, I couldn’t believe it. He looked so frail and weak. He wasn’t talking still, he just looked empty.

The nurse told me that he was sick, full of infection. He had over a liter of urine in his bladder and a severe UTI. One of the issues that was caused by the stroke is he doesn’t empty his bladder. It’s like his body forgot how to pee.

His potassium level was critical and they placed him in ICU where he stayed until the 14th.

They gave him aggressive antibiotics, fluids, you name it, and I was expecting him to bounce back. But day after day he remained the same… still sick, still not himself. I was scared I was running out of time. The hospital said they could keep treating him, keeping him a prisoner with all their wires and tubes and blood draws OR they could stop the treatment and he could go home.

There had been too much damage by the time he was admitted, he even had acute renal failure by then.

I spoke with hospice about his pending release and they started preparations for everything. Any equipment he may need, any doctor visits would be to his house. He never had to go back to a hospital or nursing home again.

Finally, I could give him what he wants, which is just the comfort of being in his own home. Hospice isn’t a death sentence, he could live 10 more years. Hospice has come a long way in recent years and it was exactly what he wanted and needed.

I made the arrangements and on the 14th he got brought home on a stretcher. He was responsive, he was aware he was home. After we got him in bed I said, daddy, you’re home! He got the biggest smile on his face and I felt like everything after that was going to be ok, no matter what. 

He couldn’t do anything at all by himself except lay there. A part of me thought there was hope, that every day, every hour, every minute, if I stayed by his side, fed him, moved his arms and his legs that he would regain strength and one day we would walk down to the pond again. 

But once again, the positive, naive voice inside me was silenced with a quickness.

Hospice came in the morning the next day, as she’s explaining things to me about her plan of action, she paused when she heard his breathing and said, Listen to me….

So daddy pretty much started the dying process shortly after he got home. There’s several stages to it when a person is going naturally. She made him as comfortable as possible while I tried to make the best of the few hours we had left. We couldn’t figure out what he was waiting for, he should have left hours ago. But he kept hanging on…

Around 8 that evening my mom decided to go home, she’d be back in the morning. As soon as she pulled out of the driveway his breathing changed and he was gone within minutes. I don’t know if he was just enjoying being with his family, or if he just didn’t want to hurt my mom by leaving. Either way, it fills my heart and gives me a feeling of peace.

His suffering was over. I felt such relief for him along with such grief. 

Years before he had some final wishes drawn up along with a small insurance policy. Very small.

While reviewing his final wishes, I learned my dad wanted to rest in the mausoleum, just like my grandparents. Unfortunately, the money he left for his final expenses is nowhere close to enough to fulfill his request. In fact it isn’t enough for a basic service and burial. 

I am completely drowning in debt from the expenses incurred over the last 5 months that he was sick.

The last thing I want is to go against his final wishes, he trusted me to make these things happen. So I’m asking for some help. The money I raise will be paid to Greenlawn Cemetery for his spot in the wall.

Any donation is appreciated, no matter the size because it all adds up.

I want to thank you all in advance for your contributions, it means the world to us.

I know a lot of you are going to read through this and ultimately decide not to donate. And that’s totally fine. It seems as though there’s always someone asking for money for something. 

All I ask is for you to put yourself in my shoes for a moment. 

During a time that money is the very last thing on my mind and all I want to do is grieve, I am instead dedicating precious time to trying to get money. It just doesn’t seem fair or right.

I find the cost of even a basic service and burial to be outrageous. Unfortunately it’s a necessity, so here we are…

I am grateful that he had his final wishes drawn up and left a little bit of money to go towards everything. I couldnt imagine trying to figure it all out by myself because of course I want everything to be perfect for him.

If you take anything from this chapter in our lives, let it be this:

The conversation may be hard to start and even harder to finish, but don’t put it off. Your loved ones will go through enough without trying to set up arrangements without your input.

I’m 39 and felt like I was kinda young to get life insurance. I know I sound like a salesman right now, but I got $100,000 policy for $11 a month. That’s plenty to take care of my final wishes, without leaving a burden on my family. 

Please consider donating, even if it’s a few dollars. And please share this, it would mean the world to us.

Thank you 

In April 2021 my son passed away suddenly. We were able to have him cremated and have a small service for him at the time. However, I was unaware of the financial challenges that our family would continue to face throughout the year.

My son has 3 children at the time of his death under the age of 2. One child was born 2 months after his death. To have him listed on the birth certificate we have to retain a family law attorney to establish paternity per our county clerk of courts.

Additionally, at the time I was not able to think clearly and did not secure a plot for my son’s child to visit. Since then I have decided to have some of his ashes buried so his children can visit him.

Our family at the time did have a go-fund-me for funeral expenses but once it met our minimum goal we ended the fund. In hindsight this was a terrible idea. I personally do not like to take from others, however I should have continued to accept donations as we have on going expenses.
Our stressful year has not limited to inconsistent employment for myself, his sisters and mothers of his children (as well).

I am hoping to raise the following

$1600 plot and cremates burial

$2,500 headstone

$5000 Attourney retainer to establish paternity.

anything above and beyond would be used to pay off the $10k debt acquired since April and/or deposited into a trust for his children.

We are working hard as a family to keep pushing forward but we are having barrier after barrier bring us down.

The children are entitled to some social security survivor benefits, however at this time we are unaware of the amount.

This has truly been a humbling experience.
My son was a loving father, my family intends to provide as he would however, this year has been overwhelming to say the least.

Blessings,

J

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/jenniferljenks

I just can’t put this into any words but I’ll try my best to explain this devastating situation.  My grandmother called my mother about his passing, saying he wouldn’t wake up, and ever since that night, I still don’t understand any of this or why it even happened in the first place.

My grandfather has always been a great role model even to my siblings up until this point and I just wish that I appreciated him way more than I did while he was alive.

Yes, I loved my grandfather and treated him like my parents but I think I just took him for granted and for so long up until his passing, and this left me with so much regret.  My siblings are mourning with me for hours on end everyday, and while wondering why? Why must it be him? Why is it our grandfather and not someone else’s?

Every time he came over I couldn’t help but smile whenever I saw his face.  He filled my family up with so much happiness and I just couldn’t imagine what life would be like without him on my side making my sides hurt with laughter.  I’ll never even forget his hugs, and every single one he gave me was so tight.  And of course there was also a lot of love in each one too.  And they were so tight and long to where it almost seemed like he knew he wasn’t gonna visit us again, and ever since that one call I haven’t been the same.  No one should experience their loved one’s going away before their very own eyes, not even your worst enemies.

Trying to cope with this situation isn’t even close to being easy.  I miss school a bunch of times, I stay up all night while stress eating and on top of that I just can’t find a reason to live anymore without my grandfather.  I’m doing my absolute hardest while speaking out to my friends and family about my depression.  And while I’m forever grateful to have so many amazing people on my side for my mental health and well-being, I can never thank them enough for their kindness and support.

It’s hard, and I know he’s in heaven, which is a better place for him to be in.  I still think it would be best for him to stay on earth with his family, and just for one last time before he goes back to the heavenly gates with the lord.

But while this is all happening, my mother and father are finding it hard to pay for my grandfather’s funeral.  They came up short with the money during all of these covid shenanigans and now we need anyone’s help at the moment, and my grandmother is in the same situation.  They are trying their absolute best to gain but it’s almost impossible to get a job when the pay won’t cover an angel’s funeral in time.  $3,000 is all we ask for, and we totally understand if you don’t wanna donate, because we can’t force you, but it would be very, very helpful if you did.  Thank you guys, and I hope the rest of your lovely lives are peaceful and free from sorrow.

Please donate:

https://paypal.me/CalebAyi?locale.x=en_US

I am a disabled vet 70% rating and I am barley making ends meet. My mother passed on June 4th 2021 and I am stuck with all here debt plus the cost of the funeral. I normally don’t need help being the VA gives me a monthly check but these bills are ridiculous and total 12,000 dollars. I don’t have that kind of cash I drive a 99 homda civic for crying out loud  I maxed out my credit card for the funeral but I’m stuck with the medical bills now. My mom is the second picture last one I have of her.  This is just a really hard time for me and  Any help would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.

Asking for money is not something I take pride in doing, but since times have gotten tough I’ve decided to put it aside and ask for help. I have a part time job helping the elderly but it does not pay well at all, only coming in at 8.16 an hour. On top of that jbhave no car so I am not able to work certain shifts. I have asked for a little pay increase but was shot down since I do not work full time. I’ve recently just graduated highschool (yay me!) and I am going on to college for nursing because it’s my passion and I love helping and taking care of people. The only problem is that my financial aid ended up putting me short. I’ve tried working to bridge the gap but unexpectedly my great grandmother passed away. I had to take time off work to help plan the funeral putting me and my aunt behind in income. I lived with her and helped take care of her along with me aunt. I was very close with her and I miss her dearly. It rare for there to be such a close great grandchild and great grandmother relationship but I am so blessed that I was able to have it. My aunt was out of work helping take care of her and needs helping paying for her bills and expenses.
On top of that I have to start saving up for a car! I have some money set aside but not quite enough to be able to make a purchase. I need a car to be able to work more, take my cousin who lives with us to school (my aunt has gone back to work and can’t pick her up, she’s trying to work doubles to get money for the expenses), and travel to and from school.
Any amount would be grateful I am jut looking for about 2k but if I am unable to get it, that is perfectly fine. Thank you for taking the time to read this and have an amazing day!

https://www.paypal.me/zyzyhatch