My maternal Grandfather is living his last sunrises and sunsets.
As he has been diagnosed with metastated lung cancer, his 90 year old self is counting the last laughs, the last breaths, the last times feeling the wind on his native island of Martinique. He is experiencing his last everything, and I would like to be with him through those last moments. Surely our relationship has never been easy. Surely, there are many grudges I could hold, with reason, against him. But these past few years, whether not quite obvious or simple, something rekindled between the two of us through him teaching me about the trees whose name I would have never known had he told me about them.
8000 km is an unfathomable distance to begin to mourn someone. It creates such worry, such anxiety, such pain. It adds to the condition of a Caribbean identity so complex, so harsh. 8000 km, and a flight ticket, and the car rental, and the appartement rental, an unfathomable amount of money to make sure you are able to say goodbye to a loved one. So that you don’t spend the rest of your life regretting not taking part in the last embrace.
Since 2019, I have committed to returning to Martinique every year. Trying to repare a relationship that needed much mending. Trying to understand. Trying to learn. Trying to love a caribbean treasure desired by most for its luxurious appearance but not profoundly valued. Every year (except for 2020), I have returned to an island that was never quite mine to begin with although it is undeniably a part of me. I have hoped for change, social, political, I have prayed hope would eventually grow in this place of despair but to be honest, I am no longer sure I can, or ever will see it change.
Now that my grandfather is sick, now that he is dying, spending his last days, on the island that has carried him all life long, I would like to be by his side for his last breath or perhaps while he shares his last knowledge of a tree I may have never heard of.
I have had to delay my trip due to financial issues, I am having a tough time this year managing it as I so happen to lose my cat of ten years in July and the cremation is quite costly (900€). So if you could kindly help with the cost of my trip to Martinique so I can spend my grandfather’s last days with him, it would be so thoughtful. Staying overthere for the next few months would cost minimum around 7000€ which includes (housing, car rental or car reparation of my grandfather’s dysfunctioning car, plane ticket, food with 40% more tax than in France, gas).
Thank you for taking the time to read me.