Before I begin, this is my first time doing this tbh. Where do I begin?
in 2019 I separated from my husband because he beat me severely and tried to attacked me with a knife while I was holding our baby boy. My oldest son tried to defend me. We called his closest friend and he came and took him away. I never let him back in the house and it was the end of our relationship. His actions were a mix of his anger problem and drug use. I didn’t know and wasn’t aware of the signs of drug abuse until it was too late. Needless to say, it was the most painful thing I had to go through leaving a man that I still loved because he wasn’t good for me and my kids. I struggled to move on and took me about 3 years to finally feel the freedom and security to finally move and accept everything. Those 3 years were hard and my oldest son developed depression and tried to hurt himself because of what happened. I have tried to make my kid’s lives the happiest I can and provide for them the best I can all while battling my inner feelings and my own depression. When me and him broke up, I had nothing, a few weeks prior to the beating I had received kidney surgery due to a massive kidney stone that had to be physically taken out via surgery. So when he beat me, I was still recovering and I had no job. After the beating, he took away my car, my bank cards joint, and we were left with nothing. I managed to find a job even though I was still In pain and recovering. I have been taking care of my kids since then, he pays child support when he wants to. I Managed to get full custody after going to court and divorcing. He is still very disrespectful and rude and blames me For destroying his family. He obviously moved on not so long after we broke up with An acquaintance of ours of all things. With COVID and the inflation, things are just so much harder, and I’m not okay, I feel depress and extremely overwhelmed. I try to so hard every day to work full time and I even opened at Etsy shop hoping that I will make some sales. I’m not staying put, I’m trying very hard. But I often wonder, I wish I had a partner or a helping hand. I see people winning the lottery big time like the Mega millions and I’m happy for that person but I always wondered why it couldn’t have been me, I would do so much good . And I don’t even care about the full millions just with a couple thousand I would be happy. I currently live with my 2 children, my mom And myself. I’m the sole provider and pay for everything. My mom got injured Cannot work. I feel like I’m falling, literally all the exhaustion and stress has me feeling sick all the time. I’m hoping that God brings me a lot of sales and I’m hoping things change, I’m trying very hard here. Just need a little uplifting. Thank you for reading.