I am sure posts like mine are a dime a dozen…just another shameless struggling chick in college looking for an easy hand me out to assist her in just skating by and having it easy her whole entire life. And i guess in a way, i really am exactly the cliche type of chick that i have never wanted to be. And for that, and for actually writing out this post i will bite down, cringe a little and maybe even scorn myself in the long run. But if there is one thing that i have never seen myself as relating to…it would have to be considering myself as having it “easy” in any sort of sense in my entire life. But please, rest assured dear reader… i will not sit here and waste the next few minutes of your time (if i am fortunate enough to find that you have decided to have given me by your curiosity having caused you to click on my post( filling you in on my feeling sorry for myself sob story that I could probably write an entire book on. No, there probably isn’t another person out there who knows it as best as I do, that not a lot of people take interest in that type of stuff. It will just suffice to say that my entire 28 years of existence on this earth has done a very thorough job in teaching me all about the art of the word, struggle.
I would, instead, like to focus my post on this site to write about what the struggle has assisted in molding me to be. Ever since the day that i graduated from high school, i never would have even in my wildest dreams imagined that I’d see the inside of any college. I was pretty much settled on living a life that would be all about my at that time significant other’s goals and dreams. And so that brought me into the life of large chunks of my life to follow consisting of sleepless nights filled with anxiety and missing my new husband who was shipped away almost directly right out of high school to months and months of boot camp and AIT training to become the successful military man that I couldn’t have been any more proud of. I settled working at part time paying jobs like serving at local restaurants and receptionist work that I thought I could maybe make into a career at my childhood pediatrician’s office to supplement our pretty steady income of a now E-4 Army soldier. Those job skills transferred with me to the many states that we would eventually move to having to follow strict orders from his job. I never sought after anything that could actually challenge me or even perhaps you know fill me with a sense of pride and purpose. As i entered my mid twenties, I was completely content with my husband receiving all the praise and recognition and me being the dutiful supporting “trophy wife” that stood beside him (but in all reality it was more like always a step behind him). As we would then become new parents to a beautiful little girl, he would continue to rise the ladder at his job while we agreed it would be time to put my job on hold to have all the time in the world to focus on our new growing family and being an even better mom.
Ten whole years of my life would pass by and just as I thought I had finally gotten down how to be an almost damn near perfect stay at home mother and wife, my whole entire world and cause for my existence would be challenged and I would eventually find myself completely knocked on my butt having almost losing it all. If it wasn’t for my then estranged husband allowing me to move back to my home state with my daughter in tow, I dont know how i would have honestly been able to wake up and get out of bed every morning. Every single day during my divorce, having to appear strong and keep my daughter and I on our feet living as comfortable as possible was my only motivation for how I got up and lived life from then on and out. And apparently that was and always has been quite the driving force. Since my divorce, my life has done a complete 180. Now i’d be lying if I tried to spin it like I haven’t had my FAIR share of both ups and pretty steep downs but through and through my daughter and I have gotten by pretty well. And i’d like to think that she will always know that her mother is strong because of my love for her and wanting better for her. And it’s because of her that I never let any type of defeat ever get the best of me. I always try to show her my best and if she just so happens to witness me not at my best, I hope she sees what I learn from it to one day eventually get me to being at my best again. She is even a big reason to me discovering what i feel to be my calling in life and what i have been busting my ass for the past three years now trying to achieve one day…my law degree so that i can one day practice family law and represent other parents who were once like me…hit unexpectedly one day with divorce papers and no explanation whatsoever, just a “It was good while it lasted, but now i am leaving you.” to eventually find out you have been replaced by another after having devoting significant amounts of time to putting their lives on hold to support the life of their significant other so now they are finding themselves completely lost with no idea how to get back up on their own two feet. I want to fight for them in court, assist in getting fair custody in the interest of the child(ren), and also be a lawyer who can provide and get newly divorced and jobless clients in touch with resources to help see them along on their new way of living a better, purposeful life where they can now focus on the one person who they should have always been focusing on in the first place, themselves. It’s extremely important to me to be apart of helping to empower people who may have lost their way a little and helping them to understand that it’s OK to feel confused or lost or hopeless or however they feel, and that those feelings should subside once they can get back to focusing on them and finding their purpose in life.
Now touching on those ‘steep lows’ that I mentioned above that I had to unfortunately go through…during those times I lost my way a little and seemed to have accquired a good amount of school loan debt that I have gotten way in over my head with paying back. I am a proud person and strive to show my daughter the importance of always paying back your debts. So even though I cannot even anywhere close to realistically afford the payments that i have been making toward my student loans, somehow I have pushed off other things to pay late to make every single one. But all of that can only last so long before you just completely sink and wind up completely drowning and finding that you don’t even have enough for groceries after having to use your entire paycheck to put towards paying back debt…
So I have figured out that if somehow, someway I could find some relief/help with my student loans that would seriously free up a good chunk of my paychecks that i could devote toward keeping food on the table for my daughter and I. We can only eat so much rice and ramens for dinner before we start to feel like we are starving for an actual good, hearty meal again. So this is my very desperate attempt at asking the anonymous world of the internet for any kind of help that they might possibly be able to find in their amazing hearts to share with a hard working, honest mom and her child to help relieve some of the financial burden of just trying to make a better life for her family. Any kind of donation will not be in vain and one day plan to wholeheartedly pay it forward with the type of work and career that I plan on going into as soon as I finish the necessary amount of schooling that is required.
If you’ve managed to make it through my long and I am sure very drawn out post, I am so very grateful for your time and interest in what i’ve shared with you. And my heart is forever filled with gratitude should anyone decide to donate whatever they can to help out my daughter and I. It is amazing people like you that make this world go round each and every day and who I hope I can one day be like and teach my daughter to be as well. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. And God Bless.
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