So let’s get this out in the open straight away.
I am asking you to donate to me and I am not going to give anything to you or do anything for you in return.
I intend to pay this goodwill and generosity forward when I am pretty much sorted, but right now, today as you read this, I cannot give you anything back in return.
So why should you help me?
Because as humans, we are inherently kind and want to help others when we can.
I’d love to tell you exactly who I am but as you read on, you will understand why I can’t, just yet.
I am married with 4 children. Back in the day, I was a bit of a high-flier with my job flying me all over the world. I was good (and still am) with people, could see the big picture and my successes lead to promotions which led me being head of departments. I loved the travel and always packed an extra case for duty-free and shopping trips.
I was outgoing, confident and would look in the mirror and think ‘yes, you are attractive’. Ok, maybe I should add modesty to that list of adjectives too then :-)
However, I had to fight hard to get what I had and where I was.
My mother left me with my grandparents when I was 2 whilst she travelled the world without a care or second thought for me.
I had no idea who my father was – his name wasn’t listed on my birth certificate. Not too sure what that says about my mum – either she was very forgetful or my dad really hurt her. Probably the latter as she stayed bitter and twisted until she died.
I went into care when I was 10 – being brought up in care made me tough and a bit of a self-starter, reliant on myself.
I met my husband in my late 20s and immediately thought this is it! I have finally found the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with.
It took 20 years of non-physical abuse, aka marriage, to finally break me mentally and drive me to 2 years of weekly therapy sessions to finally see that I had in fact married a narcissist.
I wasn’t going mad when I thought my husband was belittling me, demeaning me, that he was didn’t care what he was doing to me if it made him feel better about himself.
20 years of narcissistic abuse akin to Chinese water torcher wore me down, completely shattered my self-confidence and self-belief in every, and so many other ways imaginable.
But the dealbreaker is seeing how his behavior is now affecting our children. The constant put-downs and sniping is causing them to doubt themselves, to second guess if they can actually do something.
I tell them that they were born to fly. He gives them every reason why they can’t.
I need to leave for not only my mental health but for that of my children too.
Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as packing our bags and off we go.
I have a part-time job that would just about cover the rent on a one-bedroom property in the crappiest area of town.
I started a business during the first lockdown and though sales are increasing, it’s still not enough to help me set up on my own with the kids.
Plus, if my husband were to get wind of me leaving before I’m ready to go, he would make everyone’s life a living hell.
This is why I have to do this anonymously, for now.
This is where I’m asking for your help.
Night after night, day after day, I think about how can I get enough money to be able to leave on my terms. My business is my long term plan but this year with Covid-19, Christmas and New Year has shown me that waiting another 12 months is simply not an option for me or my children.
I need out. We need out. Now. And I need out within weeks, not months or years.
So I asked the Universe what can I do and this idea started to grow and I thought, ‘what will it hurt to ask?’
Can you donate to help me move into a home where I and my children can relax and be happy once we walk through the door?
Can you donate to help me move into a home where I don’t have a panic attack when I hear my husband’s key turn in the door?
Can you help me by donating so my children can hear the voice that tells them that they can fly as high and far as they choose to and not the voice that is like an anchor pulling them down?
How I will Pay it Forward
I will do my utmost to help any man or woman in the same position as me. I don’t know how yet, but I promise that I will help in any way that I can.
I will support charities that help disadvantaged children with my time, fundraising and any other way that the charity advises that I can help.