I am a single father of 2 boys. I will try to keep this short and to the point. I lost my grandmother (the woman who raised me) to covid in March of 2020. This was at the beginning of covid when everything was still unknown. She was one of the first to test positive for covid and shortly after she was intubated. She never came out of the intubation. After all she had done for me, I wasn’t allowed to have a proper goodbye. I wasn’t allowed to see her. I wasn’t able to hold her hand as she took her last breath. She was only allowed 1 person at a time in the wake and only me and 2 other family members were allowed to go. I stood there paying my respects behind a barrier that the funeral parlor put about 10 feet away from the casket. No one else there but me and her.
She was the best person I knew, and she deserved such an amazing end of life ceremony. She touched so many lives and was so selfless, but due to the situation, she was not allowed to have a proper send off. This crushed me! I was at an all-time low. I lost my job at the same time, due to the pandemic. Luckily I was able to collect unemployment for a short time, but that doesn’t last long. During this time, my wife, who had always been battling her own selfish issues, decided to run away from our family. She stole all the cash we had and left us high and dry. Here I was, a single dad with very little income trying to help two young children with distance learning and deal with the death of the most important person in my life and the collapse of my marriage.
I gritted through this time, not really dealing with any of the grief properly, but I made it to a point where I found another job. Unfortunately, having 2 children and still being in lockdown/pandemic times, it proved to be nearly impossible. I had no family help, no childcare services were open, my children were not in school as distance learning was continued and then it was summer, and the position I got proved to be far too demanding for my situation. It became all too much and I had to go see a doctor, because it felt like the world was caving in around me. I had to leave that job and I had to live off the little saving I had.
Finally, after delayed court due to the pandemic, the divorce became final. I was free and clear of her, but not without a cost. Her lawyer was able to pretty much take every last dime I had and then some. To stay in our home, I had to pull from the equity line just to give her what she won, otherwise I would have had to sell our house and our boys and I would be homeless. Truly unreal how the divorce court works. I always paid for everything, the house is and always has been only in my name, and I have basically sole custody of both boys, so they can stay in their home and go to school. So I basically paid to have my children’s lives be affected as little as possible, which I will never regret! The problem is that now I am in a position where, since my schedule is so demanding with the boys, I tried to start my own business from home and work any possible hours that I am able. Unfortunately, this business has fallen flat on its face. I tried with everything I had, but it still wasn’t enough.
Now I am behind on every bill. My mortgage and home equity line are behind, and I see no way to catch up in sight. I am literally down to borrowing from people just to get food, because the divorce and the rest of these late payments have destroyed my credit and the ability to even take out another credit card or loan. I am at a point right now, where in the next week or two I will be absolutely flat out dead broke and no way to pay anything. I have been on a ton of interviews these past couple of months and have my fingers crossed for one of them to work out. Hoping to hear back soon on a few, but as of now I have no income at all. I have never realized how quickly someone could end up in this situation. You always think it won’t happen to me, but wow is it it a reality for me now. I can see why people end up doing desperate things or even worse “give up”. It just seems like there is no way out sometimes and that this place would be better without me. My boys are the only thing keeping me going right now, and remembering how strong my grandmother was is making me hang on for dear life, but I am afraid! I truly am scared of what could come in the next few months. No money for food, or utilities, let alone mortgage and car. I hate being in this situation and am doing everything I can to get out, but it’s such a deep hole that it almost seems impossible. Happy to speak to anyone willing to help! Please help with anything you can. Right now, I’m looking for an angel. Thank you and God bless!