In the early nineteen nineties I was involved in a school bus Wreck. It was me, am I other 3 sisters in one of them Was my twin, identical twin. I broke my arm and punctured lung and glass in my scratches and had bruises. And she suffered from a brain injury and was in a coma for a year. I think it was a year and she came out of it. But she couldn no longer talk of walk. So when she was discharged from the hospital and came home me My other sister’s Were told that we would have to be responsible and help take care of our sister. I wasn’t even ten years old yet, but was taken on the responsibility of a grown adult. We took care of her Showered her dressed her, put her in her wheelchair and got a ready for the day every day. We did this until you know we graduated high school. After the school bus wreck my parents became over protective overbearing parents. I remember thinking I wish my parents wouldn’t come to every fucking school event I had. Every sports event every homecoming every prom every track meet anything that we had at school. They were there and it really annoyed me because I couldn’t do what I wanted. I felt that way in high school. It wasn’t until someone had told me. One time that they had wished their Parents would at least come to one of their track meets or at least one of their school events and I remember 🤔 thinking, that’s so sad. I was ungrateful and didnt want them embarassing me or telling me what I can and can’t do like a child. Because I knew it all in high school. They couldn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. But I was just spiteful. So, by age 10 I knew how to take care of someone the same size as me. Did laundry for the whole family had animals that we fed before going to school. We done the dishes cleaned the house took care of her and did whatever my parents asked us to do. They were so overprotective. They would never let us stay over a people’s houses. Or you know have sleep overs or any of that s*** We weren’t allowed to do any of that. And we weren’t allowed to stay after school and hang out with other people. We were told to go straight home every day. In high school I started sneaking out and doing drugs. I thought my life was so bad. I was thinking why me? Why does it have to Be this way? I found out that I was adopted that made in my twin was adopted and that kind of devastated me because I really thought that I was their child. But I should have known because me and my twin were always way. Smaller and way lighter scanned than they were. But I believed in my heart to that I Belonged to them. So I kind of felt like oh my God, Myra parents didn’t even want us. You know I heard that they were trying to sell us and separate us. Ever young age when we were born so that Fucked with my mind. I guess you could say that. I was using that as a reason to do more drugs and be more rebellious. And go to jail and end up going to prison. For not paying fines or violating my probation. That was the first time I went to prison it was For 6 months It was absolute hell. I was in my early twenties and I was freaking the fuck out. My parents didn’t support me much during that time. But the second time that I went to prison. They fully supported me and came and seen me every weekend. And it just made me sad that I could not leave with them and go home. The second time I went to prison was a lot longer Sentence it was close to 5 years And it just made me sad. It made me wanna go home. It made me want to hurt some people in there because they are so hateful and disrespectful and wrong and weird, and there’s no words to describe people in prison. I had learned so much in prison. I signed up for college classes. I got some college hours in I was feeling good. I had a job in there which only paid like. Maybe 6 cents a day but it was going towards my fines. So I thought that was a positive thing. I have a small bladder and every time that we had to get on our bunks and they did count I remember you know drinking coffee all morning. To try to get through this bullshit. And when we did count, I would be sitting on the bed and it would be 30 minutes going by and I’m I would swear to God I. Almost would piss myself. Because you can’t get off your bed. You can’t do anything you can’t move. You could barely go to the restroom without getting rolled up or without getting your level dropped or you know some. Negative consequence of asking to go to the fucking bathroom. Every single time I would come so close to fucking almost pissing myself. I had to stop drinking coffee in the morning and that pissed me off. In prison I was forced to take a fucking a flu shot and that I’ve hate taken shots. and I don’t trust the government. And when you’re when you’re State Property or whatever you have no fucking choice, there is no voice. There is no denying anything. You’re gonna fucking do what they’re fucking telling you to do with. They’re gonna give you or whatever. So that fucked was my head because I’m thinking that they Are just trying to kill me or give me the flu? Or you know how am I supposed to know that’s a flu vaccine flu shot. Anyway, I got out of prison and I straightened up a little bit. I got a job. I got 2 jobs working and finally got a car. It was a nice car. It was up-to-date car. Wasn’t a 2019 car and I’ve never had a new car like that. They’ve always been pieces of shit because it was financed. When I lost my job. Because they were trying to go against policy and drug. Test me for no reason they fired me. I tried to write the EEOC and they just told me. I would have to deal with my company’s person. That deals with that type of stuff before I before I could come to them. So I thought it wasn’t worth my time. I have too much crap to do when I was worried about my dad. Because he had just had a mini-stroke. And I put a bunch of time into doing what my family needed at the time. I was brainwashed basically into you know II was controlled by my parents for a long time and I would drop everything. I was doing just to go. Do what they wanted. And it would be for nothing like I would do it for nothing. I would be so pissed off. And then they have not helping me whenever I ask for it made me so mad that I just Hated them. That’s not how I feel now. It’s just how I felt at the time. Cause they would I feel like they would manipulate me and use me and get me to do there. Job giving to do what they’re supposed to be doing. I know that no one wants to help a person that’s you know, had my kind of rap sheet or had these kinds of problems. Or just think I’m some junkie or whatever. But I’ve had a hard life. I lost my twin sister while I was in prison. The second time. Can you change our funeral? Because I didn’t have the money on my books to transport me 4 hours to go to the funeral. You know what I mean and then back up to the prison cut? Because you have to pay the guards that take you by the mile. You have to pay them by the mile that they drive to Take You to A Funeral. So I missed my twins funeral. And I can’t ever get over that. I just have to swallow it and deal with it. Because there’s nothing I can do. There was nothing I could do in prison. In a really sucks, and it’s unfortunate that they don’t have programs to help people go to at least our families. Fucking funerals While their in there. After losing her In prison and not going home for the funeral. And then going back to prison. I had to be there from my family more because no one wants to lose a child. But when I got out of prison, my parents were still trying to be controlling and in some situations. And trying to tell me I couldn’t have friends over. Or I couldn’t do this. Or that and when I was on ankle monitor I mean I was losing my mind. I remember feeling so happy whenever I got covid, Because my mom made me leave the house. She basically kicked me out until I. Tested negative for covid. Oh it was months until I got to go back home. My job made me take the vaccine. And that’s fucking with me. Because I don’t even think that it was what it was. I think that they put something in me or put in a tracking device or something. And I know it’s not no damn vaccine. Because I have not Felt the same since. I feel like my body’s breaking down on me. And I can’t do nothing about it. I’ve been trying to take chlorafil and Sea moss Calcium multivitamins Anything that would help me feel better and i Only got a small little improvement. Sorry about getting off subject but basically I lost my dad on Father’s Day. This is all within 10 years. I lost my twin within 10 years. I lost my dad on Father’s Day within 2 years. I lost my one of my best friends. He hung himself at the same year that I lost my dad. One of my Other close friend same here due to an overdose. But I think it was foul play. But nobody has ever said anything about it. So i’m not sure but I believe it is. I lost my nice car. The one that was finance for from my from having a job. And I got a cheaper car that was used in its smaller. And it’s older of course. But it’s what I could afford at the time with my income taxes. After losing my job and here recently Like within six months I hit a raccoon in it. Messed up the Radiator the A. C. Condenser Temperature censor relay switch. My fans that keep the car from overheating. So now it just keeps overheating and getting hot. Because I don’t have the fucking money to repair the whole front of my car so now. I’m without a car. I can’t get around to do what I need to do I can’t get around and put in applications, I can’t go to the store. I live freaking 25 miles out of town. I’ve been having to pay people to bring me food. I’ve been having to pay people to give me rides. It is a fucking headache and I can’t even afford it. My electric Is constantly getting shut off Because I pay by the day I don’t pay a monthly bill. And that’s never happened to me i’m not used to that shit. I feel helpless. I feel hopeless but I am hopeful and I’ve asked my family for help. And they can only do so much. I Can’t seem to crawl out of this hole that I’ve gotten myself in and I really need help. I really do. I’m tired of crying all the time. But every time I see anything about someone’s dad doing something for them. It makes me so fucking sad that I don’t have mine and I need his help right now. I just need some dad help. I just need some dad money. I just need some dad advice. I just need some dad communication. I just need some dad love. I wish my dad was here. To help me through this shit. But you know he was diabetic and he was on dialysis and he went for as long as he could go until his body gave out, you know. I’m glad that he’s no longer suffering in a body. He didn’t wanna be in but I still wish he was here. He’s here in me. But it’s totally different. I don’t know I i just I hate it. I need to fix my car because I feel its the main thing that I need in my life right now. To get to the places I need to go to get a job or do anything. I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind having a car I can’t drive. Father’s Day Mrs. With me. I can’t begin to describe the feeling it is without him. Everything has changed though all of the dinners at my parent’s house. The birthday’s the holidays. You know he would not want us to be sad and my mom sometimes is sad. She can’t help but she’s grieving. But he would not want the events to change. He would not want the birthdays and the holidays to change. So you know I’m probably gonna have to talk to my family about being more happy and being more positive at these things. Because the grandkids aren’t gonna come. If they’re gonna be like that you know I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. I’m trying to pass down what my dad would have wanted us to pass down cause he was the glue to the fucking everything. He was the life of the party is what people would say and it’s just a big chunk of my heart. That’s gone, it just fucks with me and i’m trying to cope with it.. I don’t know How to Begin to explain the help that I need right now. I call it dad help but it could be best friend help. It could be grandpa help I didn’t have my grandparents growing up. That’s the other sad thing. Is that all of my friends around me and stuff? They’re grandparents are still alive and they just treat them like shit. It just pisses me off and it makes me Angry seeing one of my friends Treat their grandparents or their parents in any way. Because I believe that they need to make things right. Because they never know what will happen. They never know if they’ll be gone 1 day. And they’ll regret being on bad terms with them or not being able to tell them sorry or not being able to ask them for forgiveness. It’s it’s a lot of things that I think about. I know that I may not be worth sending money to. But I believe that I am going to Become a better person. And I’m going to try to be more humble. And I really don’t care if i’m humiliated anymore. I straight up, need some help. I’m tired of feeling helpless and hopeless but I am hopeful. I want my life back. I’ve came so far from being a drug addict. Selling drugs getting arrested going to jail for years and on just basically owing money. Right now, I owe $7000 in qualifying that I have not been paying on and I need to be paying on. I have a judgment against me for that card that I had financed. That’s not doing any good to my credit score. I’m trying to get help with discharging my debt. But there’s only so much information on the internet about that shit. And I really hate programs that offer help and offer this and offer that. And you go there and you get nothing but Someone that’s so judgmental. And they like to roll their eyes and they don’t believe you. And you’re just a lying fucking piece of shit. That’s a druggie and a addict. And you don’t deserve to be alive. That type of shit so why would we even want to go there and ask for the help? If they’re gonna be like that the world today, they don’t respect anybody or anything. It’s all about me. Or I mean themselves. No one’s cardiac anymore. No one’s carrying no one’s corgil. No one has cooth. I swear I was Suppose to be born on a different timeline. Cause this one is not for me. I want to be born any time before the invention of plastics. I loved it before plastics. Its such a one time use throw away type generation. Everything is built so cheap with no quality or thought put into it. And it shows. I just need some dad help. Please help me get out of debt. I could go on and on but I don’t know how much we can talk about or if I can come back and add to this. But I am going to stop for now and get this posted. THANK YOU For taking the time to read my request or read my story. And i’m sorry if I jumped around to different subjects and everything. This is my first time trying this. Or this is my first time doing anything like this. So I’m hoping it goes really well and I appreciate your time. And I hope you have a nice day whoever you are.
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