Hello and welcome everyone to my desperate plea for help. It is hard, to say the least, for me to write this in order to try and get help from complete strangers on the internet. I struggle every day to ask for help when I need it, even from my husband and confidante of 16 years. As I sit in front of my computer trying to find the words to put here, I grow anxious and terrified that I should not be doing this as surely I will just be a bother and my cry for help will be ignored.
My name is Katrina. I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety for more than half of my life. However, I was not officially diagnosed until 2007 when I wanted to kill myself during basic training for the Air Force. After being medically discharged, my primary care doctor back home confirmed what they had and further stated that it seemed like I went undiagnosed during my high school years. Along with my medication, she suggested that I keep an animal companion to help manage my depression. At the time, I had my 10 year old Rottweiler Emma to help me, but even her unconditional love could only go so far.
Later that year, I planned on introducing my online boyfriend to all of my friends on New Years Eve. They all knew about him, and some had even interacted with him through AOL Instant Messenger. Unfortunately, my best friend didn’t take to meeting him very well, and what should have been a super fun night, turned into a nightmare. My best friend since 4th grade wanted me to choose between her or him – a decision that a few years later, she apologized for and said was incredibly unfair of her. The damage had been done though. I hadn’t told my friends how severe my depression was or that I was discharged because I wanted to kill myself.
Once he and I returned to my parents place, I just stood out in the cold and cried. I was hurt and felt like I was all alone against world. He has been with me for the last 16 years, and were officially married in 2019. That night though, he resolved that I would never be alone again, and convinced me to move to Tulsa with him. In 2008, I met the best emotional support animal, and my absolute best friend, in the form of a small, lanky kitten named Cassie.
Cassie followed me everywhere I went. No one could pry her away from me, and after I got her, I started to understand why my doctor suggested a companion animal for my depression. Every night, she would come to bed with me and lay next to me. If she wasn’t by my side, I would find her either by my head or behind my legs. She wasn’t the greatest at waking me up, but that’s because of how much she loved just cuddling up next to me.
I couldn’t have a conversation with anyone without her inputting her two cents. Cassie was very vocal for a cat, and it’s something that I didn’t realize I had been taking for granted. When the pandemic hit, she took full advantage of me being home all the time instead of leaving to go to work. It got to the point that I had to order a special cat bed to put next to my desk otherwise I couldn’t get any work done. That same year, I was diagnosed with anxiety and severe pain attacks when my employer tried to pull everyone back into the office early. I lost the best job of my life because I had one panic attack at work while in the office. All because they didn’t want to uphold their end of the conditions we had agreed on to bring me back in.
In that moment, I was convinced that people weren’t worth my time. Cassie was with me the entire day after I was sent home and when I got the phone call stating that I wouldn’t have a job anymore if I refused to work in the office. I’m high risk for covid. I started seeing a psychologist once a month to try and work out my anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, but even he was stumped after my medication had reached the maximum dosages and I still continued to have severe episodes. I no longer have health insurance, so I can’t afford to continue seeing my doctor, but they keep my prescriptions up to date for me.
Time seemed to pass by in a blur. Every moment spent with my baby girl Cassie either watching stuff on TV, or with me playing video games. I couldn’t function outside of the house without having someone else with me. Unfortunately, at the end of November 2023, Cassie fell severely ill. At this point, my husband has been working full time and rushed home as soon as I told him she was sick. We didn’t have the money to take her to the vet. Thanksgiving had just gone by, and we’ve been struggling with almost $20k in credit card debt that built up over the last couple of years when our state stopped giving the unemployed stimulus bonus. We scheduled an appointment for her anyways.
At this point, we weren’t aware that she was dying, and our vet didn’t think her illness would cause it. Since we had been going to her for over 10 years, she let me do a deferred payment for her vet visit, but I couldn’t afford to get labs done that day. The vet gave us some donated pain medication for her to try and make things easier for her until her next appointment the day after my husband got paid. Maybe they could have saved her, maybe they couldn’t, but on December 5th, 2023, my baby girl Cassie passed away in her sleep from whatever she was sick with.
This was taken just a week before she got sick.
Here she is just a couple of days before she passed away.
I wish I knew of a better way to add these photos to this, but I don’t see an easy way to just copy/paste them or click + drag them.
Fast forward to today. I have been searching for a new emotional support animal, but most importantly, a new companion to help me. My husband has spent the last 3 1/2 months taking slightly longer lunches to make sure my depression hasn’t gotten the better of me. I have found a kitten that I would love to adopt and get to know, but with the rate of inflation and our debt, we can’t afford her. This kitten comes from someone who has taken the time and effort to ensure her kittens will be able to help someone like me, and that comes with a cost.
I need $2,000 to be able to afford this kitten, half of which is a deposit to just hold the kitten for me. I want to feel somewhat normal again. I know that there are kind-hearted people out there who can help, and I can only hope that you’ll help me. I want to believe that there are good and kind people in our world still. Please help me keep that belief alive.
Thank you,
Katrina
TLDR; I need $2,000 to afford a kitten to help with mental disorders and severe depression. I’m asking for help because I’m at my wits end and don’t know who else to turn to. My family is unable to help as they have no money, and I’m terrified to ask my friends for this kind of money when I know that they are also struggling.