Blessings and hope this request finds everyone in the best spirits and good health wishes to all.
Let me start by saying I have never ever written or requested funds from any other website, Instagram page of any of the celebrities or people with wealth, Facebook or any other sites requesting money to help my selfish desires.
Yes It is selfish since the way to success is hard work, determination and discipline. This may require of course assistance from institutions or individuals but it starts with ME. So please understand I have taken a long time processing my thoughts in order to write request for assistance.
This does not mean I am writing a pre written request, because I am actually writing as these thoughts come to mind.
What am I begging for? Begging may seem like a harsh word, but it is what it is. People tend to lean on others who have worked very hard to get to the position that they feel their lives should be and then here comes people as myself, requesting them to part with some of their hard earned savings.
I feel I am doing this because I need to write to myself all my failures and in writing this letter, it comes more clear that I will not reach my dreams. Why? Lost focus on shortcuts. Yes, this is a shortcut, but I have broken down my desire to keep dreaming of what could be, and what should have been.
I have owned and operated small businesses of my own and others, and have been so what successful. One thing I never ever thought about that was missing however, was the future. You see I lived without a after plan. The thought of the businesses not being something that I could pass on to my family never occurred to me. I lived in the limelight of myself, yes myself. In other words, I thought the things I was doing for myself and others, was enough to guarantee me a lifetime of income that would not make me rich or famous, but would create some consistency in how my life would play out in the future.
Boy was I wrong. I have been though the fire, and never felt the heat. Can you imagine that? Being not in the place or position you want in life, and not changing it? Well it happened and now I am 56 years old, living in my birth place country after spending 48 years of my life living in the United States.
I used to always have a car, home of my own, and be able to help others in times of need and now it is so hard to get back to that. I do credit myself with creating a savings fund annually in January, that will provide me the funds at the end of each year. Imagine saving $2,500 at the end of each year, and be so excited about it even tough that is not enough for any business adventures, or to acquire any real worth assets. I messed up my credit when I first moved back to my country due to helping family and friends and my credit went into a horrible state with outstanding credit cards that I acquired for family for their use to help them. I did not have any clue about how my country, Panama , operated regarding credit, and how important it is here. You see in the US, I could have 3 jobs, which I did, and still had free time to do something else on the side .
Here, in Panama, you have one job, no way you can have 2, due to the company’s not wanting you to have a side job. So your income, which is about a fifth of what you may earn in the States. So catching up is difficult once you put yourself in this position. All credit card debts are paid, and now I am trying to get my credit score up in order to acquire funds in order to create other source of income.
I don’t want to buy a car and have to pay it for the next 5 years or so, without some other income coming in. I would like to buy property, and build of it and place a few rental apartments on the land. I have a few different business ideas that I am positive would provide other source of income , but without credit, or money to use as collateral, it is difficult.
I have recently split with my daughters mother after 8 years due to this. You see I am not able to provide a house, car, or have any other valuable assets due to MYSELF, no one else, messing up my credit. It does not matter who I loaned the cards to, or what was done with it, it was my decision to use my credit with no after thought of it back firing on me. I am not blaming anyone but myself.
I did not have any children before coming to Panama, and I was blessed with a daughter who is now 8. It’s a blessing and also a blessing that it was from a beautiful and caring individual, so raising my daughter will be done my 2 parents who have the ability to provide a path for her to take when she is ready. Money is not the main part of raising a child in the best form, but it is a valuable if used in the right way to create not just a Now for her, but a Future for her to be able to help her in her path to her wishes and dreams.
I want a bank account , but more importantly, I need it. I need to be able to get out of this difficult situation that is stressing me , giving me gray hairs more faster than normal, sleepless and lonely nights because I am scared of spending any money on extracurricular activities unless it involves my daughter. To be able on my day off to just take a drive and sit in the park and read a book. Drive to get ice cream and snacks late in the night because I don’t have to work the next day and let punish my daughter with nothing but 80’s and 90’s classics lol.
I have not ever gotten anything without hard work, so I am not depending on this to actually work. I must I did expect to feel better while writing this and I do. No I did not acquire funds from any source while writing this lol. However, it is a letting me know that I have a lot to smile about with my daughter in my life. Regardless of no money or money, she seems to think I am the best person in the world. Wow.
I am requesting the amount I feel will not make me retire, I have been working for one of the best companies in this country as far as pay. Keep in my mind, my salary is about $1,650 a month, and the cost of living is just as if I was still living in Colorado, Texas or New York. Fruits and vegetables are the two things I can surely say that are cheaper than the US. Well, depending if is comes from this side of the world or if it comes from somewhere, due to that can affect the cost. As far as rent, buying a house, or auto, it is the same as many of the State’s in the US. People most of the time have to be in some type of relationship to make ends meet.
Of course you have the classes and like most places, the Middle class is no longer applied. So once you go into bad credit rating, you are stuck with your solo income if your single, and I have cleared all the debts, and find myself more stressed due to not being able to get the credit back in order to get funds requested.
You read about people who win the lottery, and either go broke, crazy or both . I have been in the position in the past where I have handled what I would call a lot of money and made some good and some bad decisions. I don’t worry about that happening again, because my plan is not to spend the money unless it is going to bring more money in. I do need a car, but I don’t look at a car as a just a means of transportation, here, you can register it as a sort of lift service on days I am available. So the extra income from that would help to pay for the car or hopefully pay for all the funds needed to pay for the car, and its upkeep.
Used land is easy to acquire here, and with the new Subway station being built, it opens up for having property close and convenient to this . Sure the land on next to or beside the Subway lines will increase in value, but anything in close radius will still be profitable and an asset to have. They have a lot of day rentals in this country and they are always occupied.
I need to do so many things that are always on my mind and it aches at times. I remember my landlord from Broome Community College, in Binghamton NY. I owe her 3 months rent, and can you believe I tried to get in touch with her when I had my clothing store and record store open, but I was not able to due to her relocating. If she is no longer available when I do get the money, I will hopefully be able to give the money to her family members. I remember every one that I owe money to, even if its $20 dollars, and it drives me nuts. These people trusted me and I let them down. Now I am not talking necessarily friends or family, it may be 1 or 2, but mostly I am talking about bills. Light, gas , water, rent, things of that nature.
I need to stop , this is like book lol. Let me say thank you if you read this. I left out a lot of other information which may have helped, and I may have included information that does not pertain to this format of asking for money.
One thing I did not leave out, is my honesty. Thank you all for your time.