This is honestly one of the most painful things I have ever written. I never thought my life would reach a moment where I would have to ask for help like this. It makes me feel small and ashamed, but I don’t know what else to do anymore.
I live in Europe and the job market here has been extremely difficult for years. I studied before, I graduated, I did everything I was supposed to do. I have an education and I have always tried to build a stable life. But even with that, it has been almost impossible to find real work. Right now I am studying again simply because it is the only way to receive any income at all. The support I get from the state barely covers basic needs and it does not even come close to helping with the private debts I have carried since I turned eighteen.
I am twenty five now. I have two children that I love more than anything, one biological and one who is my husband’s from before but I love them both equally. My husband works so hard. He works full time, takes extra shifts on weekends and evenings, and he gives everything he has to keep our family stable. I am grateful for him every single day. His income keeps us alive for the month but we cannot save anything and he does not know about the debts I carry. He only knows about the student loans and nothing else.
I took those debts when I had just become an adult. I was young and desperate to stand on my own feet, and I had no idea how heavy the consequences would be. They have followed me for years like a shadow that never leaves. I feel so much shame that I have not even been able to tell the man I share my life with. I feel guilty every single day and I hate that this is a part of my life.
I am a kind person with a good heart and I want nothing more than to give my family peace and stability. I have tried everything I can. I apply for jobs everywhere, I call, I visit places in person, I study so I can have a future, I try to keep everything together at home. I thought hard work, patience and education would be enough. But right now it feels like I am drowning and no matter how hard I fight, the water keeps rising.
To finally clear everything and start fresh I would need around one hundred to two hundred thousand dollars. Even writing that makes me feel sick because I know it is not anyone else’s responsibility to fix my mistakes. I am not asking for luxury or comfort. I am asking for a chance to breathe and rebuild my life. I am asking for a chance to become the mother and the wife I want to be without this heavy secret destroying me from the inside.
If you are able to help in any way, even by sharing this, I am truly grateful. Thank you for reading my story and for giving me a moment of hope.
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