I have felt like what I think a zombie would feel like if they were real. I had to close my 10 year old small business in 2001 because I started feeling terrible all the time with lots of pain. There is a feeling you have when you love to work that almost keeps you from resting, that feeling went away along with most of my endorphins. I had disability insurance for $1000, it took me till around 2010 to get it and they make you fight to keep it every year till age 65 then you are on your own. I don’t own a car, house, retirement account or any thing else of value. I had to sell it all to survive the first years of misery. I live in a small block building in my mothers front yard, she lives in an 80 or so year old 2 bedroom house. I had known that if she needed it I would be her full time care giver, this happened when she fell around 10 months ago. I have every kind of pain there is plus a back injury, I went to around 12 doctors to find out why I never feel normal any more and also why I am in so much pain. They did nothing except accuse me of wanting drugs even if I didn’t ask for them. The first 2 months of helping mom both of my hands starting going numb all the time. Now they and my feet hurt when I use them. My back injury called l5-s1 now shoots pain down my left leg into my big toe like the right side. If you stay mad all the time and take it out (the pain) on everybody you will be hated. I go out of my way to be nice to everyone and to help when I can. I hate having to explain my condition with people because almost everyone thinks their pain is just as bad or worse then yours and so they paint you as weak. I have spent many many years starring at the walls praying that the AC doesn’t break or praying for other things that I now know the big guy doesn’t do. My mother is now 81 and home hospice is helping with some things, my brother and sister don’t help and I know they can’t do much working full time. I would love to be the one giving away money, I have day dreamt of getting better and making lots of cash so I could help people like me. I am 59 now I feel that it is hopeless to believe that. I didn’t date much when I had my business and now I have lost almost 25 years, I never got to get married, have kids or buy a house. Part of my illness is panic attacks that last many hours. They are not really panic attacks cause they last too long and I’m not upset when they happen. My mothers dementia is heading my way if I don’t die from a stroke. I have had 3 days in the past 2 years where I couldn’t completely wake up for several hours, I don’t know how to describe it to you or the ambulance that I called every time. It scares me more than you can know, I feel like I am dying every time. My memory isn’t good anymore. I am always broke and I usually have a negative balance. My also 81 year old dad helps me as much as he can but I don’t think he has a clue how much I have suffered the past 20 years, you become emotional and you love your family and pets. I have ended up with 8 kittens (I lost two) now they are young adults and I love them too much. I get teary eyed if I think about loosing any of them, I should give a few away but I can’t cause everything is so hard for me. I have known about these type sites for months but being a full time caregiver saps all your existence, and when she goes my available money for living will be cut in half. I barely survive now with my dads help. If no one helps me I don’t think I will be able to cope with what little I have, I really only worry what will happen to my cats if I can no longer feed them. My air conditioning is broke and I need to fix my building, only if I have money to pay someone. I for the first time have government insurance but so far most doctors don’t take it. I have been driving my dads 23 year old truck since I don’t have anything. I hate to keep using it but the older you get the more you realize usually the ones that care if you live or die have no way to help.,Thank You