I am so desperate I don’t know what I don’t know where to turn I am so far in debt I feel I will be living in the streets again or worse yet feeling I won’t be able to keep my word to myself.
I really hate asking anyone for anything. I was taught, don’t let anyone see your weakness cuz, it could be used against me. Of course I have many issues apart from being broke. Yet, I have many more talents to offer. I have two bachelor’s degrees. I’m a quick study, I approach problem solving by thinking outside the box, I’m detail-oriented, I’m bilingual, resourceful, and a good mediator, like the old saying goes, jack of all trades. To understand how it is that I haven’t worked for a little over 2 years is beyond me. Never mind- race, gender, age, background, credit, health, no vehicle, and unable to get the covid vaccination. I knew before I was released from prison. That’s right prison. I knew it was going to be hard. I was taught anything worthwhile is going to take time. My thought was to get a good paying job. But with that, I needed to go to college, although I am dyslexic. I just knew with a good paying job, I wouldn’t worry about money bind and I wouldn’t worry about old belief, “ By any means necessary…” then I told myself I would only make money in a legal manner.
Anyhow, I let my son move in with me because he was having difficulties. He has to pay child support which takes a thousand dollars out each month, health insurance, and taxes he was unable to fend for himself let alone for us. I let him know we’re in this together. I know my son, he’s not used to seeing me in this predicament. So when receiving looks and all the flack and disappointment written all over his face. I have to remind myself of the promise, plus I refuse to end up where my dad has been all my life.
So this is where I tell you my financial issues. I have $82k of student loans debt, I need operations on both of my shoulders, allergies which I can’t get covid vaccination, 3 months behind on rent, bills,plus no vehicle. I’m left feeling insecure and almost defeated. Then I start thinking, I will lose all that I’ve gained again, for the fifth time. Plus I’m pushing retirement age and to start over again!. I have nothing to leave or give my kids when I go. I feel I’m running out of time to show my kids what legit has to offer. I fear they will look back at my life, to see then versus now and choose immediate gratification and settle instead of bearing witness to the possibilities of self-creation has to offer.
This brings me to this point, asking for help to pay, my back rent it’s $3,500, my electric bill $550, my water bill is $375 and to reconnect my internet $625 for the possibility of working from home and for a reliable vehicle to get us back and forth to work, about $6k-7k. I believe $13k would give me breathing room. And if I would be so fortunate to have student loans cleared away. To keep this cloud from lurking in the background, would be beautiful. I don’t know how I would act…. I just might have to cry, drop to my knees with gratitude and give honor and thanks for the grace that has been given.
I ask for forgiveness for my lack of ability to articulate properly. Also I want to thank you for the time and consideration in reading my plea of desperation. Hopefully, I receive help with my financial issues. $inga1b cashapp.