My name is Christina Watkins. I am a 36 yr old mother of two beautiful daughters, Jewel Lynn-14 and Aria Noel-9 and I was recently widowed 2 yrs ago now, after a 13 yr marriage to their father who died of a heart attack at 39 yrs old right in front of me in our home. Watching someones soul leave them and the life leave their eyes is hands down the HARDEST thing I think I have ever had to experience and unfortunately for me, it’s not even the first time I have had to experience it, because when I was 21 yrs old, I held my grandmother in my arms in the nursing home she was a resident at and I had to watch as the same thing happened with her. It haunted me for many years, and I never understood why I had to go through something so horrible at such a young age, until the day my husband died and in that moment, when he took his last breath and I knew he was gone, I finally got my clarity. Regardless, I wish that I never had to go through any of it at all, but it is what it is, I suppose and “everything happens for a reason.”
I met my husband in 2008, and it was directly after my grandmas passing, only by a few short months and within 4 months of meeting him, I was pregnant with our first daughter and mind you, I was a virgin still at 21 yrs old and I have always been so proud of that, but the fact that I was so isolated growing up was just as much a bad thing as it was a good thing, because I was just so damned naive and I feel like I have missed out on a ton of stuff that most people/kids get to experience in the ages between highschool and adult hood and I literally went from being a young bright-eyed dumbass for lack of a better word to a mother and wife, living a life of struggle and hardship overnight and I was “stuck on 17” the entire time I was with him I guess you could say and then at 35 yrs old, he died and I was spit back out into the world and I have had to start all over again and go through the motions of life and its experiences, not having even gotten to have ever lived in the first place, so I’m learning and experiencing things that all kids do in time, except I am almost 40 now and I have 2 little humans I am responsible for and it has been anything but easy. In the 13 years I was married, it was a long road for sure. One day I was a young vibrant girl, fresh out of high school and ready to explore the world and the next thing I knew, I woke up one day and I was a mother and a wife and I was already past 30 years old and trying to figure out what the hell had happened and how I had gotten to where I was, and I mean, it literally felt like it happened overnight…in the blink of an eye and I guess its just crazy to me, just how fast time flies once out in the real world. Anyways, I spent years taking care of not only him, but his mother as well because they were both full blown diabetics, they both had congestive heart failure, and they both did not take care of themselves at all and they were probably some of the laziest people I ever met lol, but that is besides the point, but on top of all that, my husband was also a black out whiskey alcoholic and when he would get like that, which was quite often, he would get very mean, an mostly it was with his words, for years it was just the emotional and mental abuse, but then later came the other and so my girls and I spent years and years living like that and because I was raised that the only way to work your problems out was to stay married and stick by their side no matter what, because of he vow two people take before god, I chose to stay and I did so and stuck it out till the very end and then one day just as quickly as he and his family entered my life, they were just gone and it happened all at once too. At the end of January beginning of February in 2021, we took his mom off life support and then 11 short days after her passing, we got the call that his (step) dad, the man that raised him (cause his real dad was in prison his whole life) but we got the call that his step dad had shot and killed himself, and then it wasn’t even a month total after both of their deaths, that my husband passed of a heart attack on the morning of March 18, 2021. That day, my daughter’s and I left and we didn’t go back until about 3 months later when I couldn’t take living at my parents anymore at the time…My mom and I clash quite a bit, so things get heated sometimes and it was just added stress at the time that we did not need, so I chose to try and go back to the house. We were there for a couple weeks, but after a certain point, it ended up being much more difficult than I thought it would be and especially for my girls, my oldest in particular, because unfortunately, our oldest daughter, on their way out the door of the house, saw her dad on the floor that day with all the machines on him, trying to pump life back into his heart and this was all traumatic enough on me, so I can only imagine how hard it has been for her, for both of them for that matter, because they are so young and they never asked to be born into that kind of life and they didn’t deserve it, and I know they are hurting so badly and deeply and they are angry, sad, confused. If I could take all of their pain onto myself, I would in a second, but I can not, so I just have to set back and watch as they struggle from day to day with it all and try as I may, I haven’t been able to ease their pain yet and it literally KILLS me. So after we were home for a few weeks, things were going slow and we were all in a daze and then one day, my youngest came running in and I see her with cuts or bites…They looked like puncture wounds at the time, all over her shoulders, on her right breast area, all down her arms and even under her arm pits!! All I saw was these holes in my baby and there was blood everywhere and she was screaming. I finally got her to calm down enough to tell me what happened and she told me that she had seen a dog (a 6 month old St. Bernard) attacking and hurting a chicken so she decided to take it upon herself to set that damn chicken free, and well of course this dog attacked her, but I’ll be damned if she didn’t get that chicken from it and save it, and even managed to get the dog off of her by herself, and got halfway back to the house before I saw her and I scooped her up and ran her across the street to my neighbors, and we got her to the hospital and they fixed her up and by the time she was done, she had her entire upper torso wrapped in ace bandage like a shirt with sleeves and she was holding both of her arms up like she was some body builder giving the meanest face her cute 8 yr old self could give, and she had that shit eating grin on her face, the one her dad always used to give me. I’ll never ever forget it and I still have the picture to this day and at the time it was nothing other than terrifying, but today when I think about it, it still brings a tear to my eye, but a smile as well. Now that incident in itself was enough to have anyone on edge, mother’s especially, but my little Aria being the very active, outgoing, dare devil that she is, was at my sister’s one afternoon with me and her and my niece and nephew were all playing and running through the house and out the backdoor, and all of a sudden we hear a crash, glass breaking and then a scream. So I come running in and meet my sister with Aria half way in the kitchen, and Aria is holding her hand out with her other arm crying and yelling and shaking her hand all over the damn place (probably from the pain) and blood was going everywhere it could go, I mean it was on the ceiling, the walls, the fridge, it was smeared and flung all over the backporch and the bathroom doors, on the washer…I’m telling you, it was definitely NOT a pretty site and I shit you not, my sisters house looked like a freaking murder scene!! So anyways, I finally got out of her in bits and pieces what had happened in between her cries and screams and her and her cousin (and they are only 3 weeks apart these 2) they were running in and out of the back door and he had came in and shut it behind him and they were both pushing on it and one of the glass windowpanes in it broke and her hand went through it at an up angle and then of course naturally, she tried to pull it right back out and it sliced both her ring and her middle finger tops just about clean off and it was HORRIBLE. So I wrap her hand in a towel and we all pile up in my sisters car and from the time it took us to get 15 miles, that towel was bright red. We finally get to the hospital and after 2 hours of waiting, they finally take her to x-ray to make sure there was no glass in it and then they got ready to stitch her up. It took myself and 3 other people, plus the doctor, to hold that child down to have her fingers stitched back on and the blood-curdling sounds that came out of my baby that day was enough to bring any mother to her knees and I literally almost couldn’t take it, but we finally got through it and 27 stitches later, we were on our way back home and luckily for Aria and I, she hasn’t gotten herself into anymore accidents thank God, knock on wood lol. Okay, so a few more months go by and life has not changed one bit for us and mind you, my husband and I had just filed our taxes probably a month or less before his death, but somehow and don’t even ask me how cause I honestly still to this day have not got a clue how it happened, but I guess right before we were to receive it, he had passed and he was on Social Security, and they report all of that stuff and they are on top of that shit, so it had ended up kicking our tax form off into a different section and it took me MONTHS to even find out that it was because someone listed the wrong freaking death year on his file, so I spent literally the next whole year fighting the IRS and having to prove that I WAS his wife and that I had a legal claim to OUR money. It was absolutely a horrible, STRESSFUL, long, drawn out process, but eventually I did receive it, and I was so damned excited, cause I had been waiting to buy a new car for us. I finally had the money and I found a car pretty quickly. It was a 2006 Chevy Trailblazer, and my girls loved it, as did I and it did us good, but only for a few short lived weeks, because not even a month after I purchased it, before I had even had time to send the title off and get it all in my name, the damn thing threw a rod through the motor and left me and my 8 yr old at the time stranded on the side of a highway for 5 freaking hours until someone could come get us, and then after I finally was able to get it towed back, it sat in my parents yard for 9 months or more even maybe, I can’t really remember, but it was almost the better part of a year and I was out the $1500 I had spent on it and once again without a vehicle. So finally all the months later, I had finally saved up enough to be able to put towards a new one, along with the money that I got for junking the Trailblazer, which was only $500 but hey, it was better than nothing. So I signed that check over and got a car from someone that was going to allow me to make payments and I take off in this car and everything is great…For about 2 weeks, and then I shit you not, the damn thing broke down on me and I had to drop a new radiator in it, and all the while, I still had no title to it, so I couldn’t even get it legal. That went on for a couple months and I made a couple more payments towards it, each time thinking I was going to get the title the next time I made a payment, like was agreed upon, but low and behold, each month I’d come to pay, there would be some reason or another for why I still couldn’t get the title and I don’t even know how many tickets I have gotten in it since, I know right now, most recently, I have 2 that are coming up that are both $300 and I DON’T have it, but I’m gonna have to figure something out. So anyways, finally, I got sick of it and I am also having to put 1-2 gallons of transmission fluid in this damn car, a day if not more so I am out the cost for that too, and now, yes I have a title to it FINALLY, but turns out, I was sold a vehicle with an OPEN TITLE and now I can’t even get it legal in my name and the piece of junk is stuck broken down once again at my parents and I am what…YEP!! You guessed it, I am without a vehicle once again AND I’m also out ANOTHER $2000 for this car that has been broke down more that it has ran, and has done nothing but make my already crap life even crappier. SOOOO…That brings us up to date I think to about right where I am at in life in present day.
So like I said, it’s now September of 2023 and I am still without a vehicle and still without a home that my daughter’s and I can call our own, but that isn’t even the least of my worries at the very moment, because just this last Thursday, my fiance whom I started seeing 1 year after my husbands passing was taking me to see my daughter’s at my parent’s that night and I could’t get that stupid ass car to go, so we had just switched seats, and no sooner do we pull off the county road and get on the highway which is the highway my parents live on, I’ll be damned if a cop doesn’t get right up behind us, and go freaking figure, it’s the same one that we have been seeing so much of recently. But anyways, yep, we pull onto the highway, and he sees us and knows immediately who we are, and he pulls us over. It was a giant freaking mess and it resulted in my fiance being arrested, because he was driving with a revoked license I guess, and that in turn violated his probation, for something that he had already taken care of back I think 4 or 5 years ago, but regardless, it landed his ass in jail where he still sits today, because I do not have the money to help him and God I wish I did, because he does not deserve this at all and they have been violating every single one of his constitutional rights since he’s been in there. They won’t let me see or talk to him, they won’t let him call me, every time I go for a visitation, they tell me it’s cancelled, and I even downloaded the app they said I had to use and I wrote him a letter, that took 5 days to get delivered, just for them to tell me after I got the email that it was delivered, that they can not get letters in there, so they didn’t even give it to him!! I’ve gotten to talk to him probably 3 times total and other than that, it’s silence and they have set his court date for a freaking MONTH from now, so because I am broke as broke gets, and mind you, I have been trying to get a job religiously this entire time, but I can’t seem to find a damn reliable vehicle to do so and I had one job, but because of the vehicle problem, I lost that job and I have yet to find one since and I am just at my literal wits end at this point and I am probably lower than I have ever been in life before, and I am a literal “Rock Bottom,” ya’ll and I have exhausted every last single option that I have had at my disposal. I have applied for every type of loan or financial assistance there is in our state, which is Missouri, and it has gotten me literally NO WHERE except smashing into wall after wall after wall. I have tried to get a loan so many times that there are even some online loan companies that have actually banned me from their sites LMAO!! It’s freaking embarrassing as hell lol. Not to mention, one of the loan places that I THOUGHT was going to be my saving grace a few months ago, sent me a letter in the mail one day, stating that they had been cyber attacked and that my personal information was out there now and at stake, and that resulted in me being put on some “Early Warnings” list and the freaking FBI was investigating that loan company, and now the only thing that came of that, is that I can not even get a damned bank account and I am plum stuck, lost, can’t for the life of me dig us out of these horrible messes and I am losing hope by the second and am just SO desperate to get to that place that I have seen for so long. Our happy life, that I know exists, and it’s always just right within my grasp, but no matter how hard or fast I run at it, I never get any closer and it’s always just a little bit too far out of my reach and I’m all but ready to give up at this point honestly. I had my fiance, and he was my support…The only support I had, but now he is gone for at least a month and I am so sad and lonely. He was actually a good friend of my husband and I’s and I have known him for as long as I knew my husband and he was even in our wedding!! I know, small world right, but anyways, I don’t know why I had to meet my husband and go through what my girl’s and I went through all those years, and it was pure hell, but I would do it all over again, because if I had not, then I never would have gotten my girl’s and I would do ANYTHING for them, and as for my fiance. Before, when I was married, I think I was just some young, naive kid that didn’t know any better, who then got married to a man that got her pregnant and then after that I was just stuck, because I simply didn’t believe in divorce, it was just how I was raised I guess, but I’m not sure I ever even actually loved the man. I mean, I of course had/have love for him…he is the father of my children, but I know now that I was never “In love,” with him and I didn’t even know what that was until I got with my fiance and he is my soulmate, my life, my everything and besides my daughter’s, he is my whole world and I just want to help him, so we can take care of this mess and move on and get to that happy life that I’ve envisioned for so damned long, but even more so, I want to help my daughter’s, by being able to provide for them a home and by getting us a good, reliable, safe, LEGAL vehicle, so that I can provide for them the life that they have more than deserved this entire time, and so I can step up and be the mother that they need.
So everyone, now that I have told you the very “simplest” version of my story…and I know it’s quite alot, I apologize for that, but none the less. It is with all the hope that I have left in me, that I reach deep, and gather every last bit of courage and strength that I’ve got left, and I swallow my pride and I reach out to you all, that I ask for your help in getting my trainwreck of a life back on track, for my daughter’s, for my soulmate and for myself.
I am needing at least $3000 for a place, probably $3000-$5000 for a good, decent vehicle, so I don’t have to go through some shady character a THIRD time that is only going to rip me off again and add to my problems, and last but not least I am needing at least $7500 so that I can hire the lawyer that I have found that will take my fiance’s case. I have researched and researched and researched, and he is the cheapest that I have been able to find and I highly doubt that I will find anyone cheaper than that, so in total, I believe, will bring it all to…$15,500.
I am more than aware that this is a HUGE ask and I also am aware that it is a massive long shot, but I have got literally NOTHING left to lose at this point, so it can’t hurt to try, and this is my last “Hail Mary,” if you will, and I am going to just cross my fingers, and pray to God and give it to him, and HOPE with every last thing that I’ve got in me, that someone out there will come across this, read it, and show me a little sympathy and choose to help me and I am begging, PLEASE, someone help me. I have tried for so long to do it on my own and I have only failed time and time again, and now I need nothing short of a miracle, and I guess if nothing happens, then at least I’ll know I gave it my best shot and tried and I thank whom ever takes the time to read this, for doing so.
Thank You,
Christina Watkins
My Paypal Link:
-paypal.me/cwatkins577
My Cash Tag:
-$AriesFireQueen77