I grew up in the poor part of a very rich country on the East coast of United States. My parents separated in my early teens. My brother and I were latchkey kids after my dad left. We had very little rules and very little discipline. Where we group up, the wrong crowd was pretty much the only crowd there was to be a part of. We were exposed to drugs, alcohol and crime in our late teens. We dropped out of high school as did most of our friends because we wanted to work. Our mom although still married to our dad was a single struggling mom. My brothers got into an altercation with some of our “friends” which resulted in a home invasion. I was held at gunpoint while watched my brother get stabbed two days before my 18th bday. We all had undiagnosed PTSD after that and sort of lost it for a while. We lost our housing not too long after. My mom went to a shelter while we all rented rooms. I got involved with a man who lied about his age. He was a narcissist, compulsive liar and abusive. He was really 11 years older than me and would give me alcohol at 17. Told me to tell all his friends I was older.
I became pregnant at 19. I was brutally hit repeatedly in my face while pregnant and almost when into pre-term labor. I became a mom two months before my 20th birthday. After that I endured several years of mental and physical abuse. I became homeless during that time. My son and I were in and out of the homeless shelter system for two years. After that, I was blessed with a housing voucher. I was very messed up from the PTSD and abuse but I still kept trying and always maintained work. I finally had enough of the abuse and got away from that evil man. I did try to go to culinary school however faced a turn of events. Ironically I had switched to part time work to go to school however 3 mos later the company faced economic problems and had to let me go because they couldn’t afford to keep me part-time. They offered me unemployment but to qualify for unemployment you have to be able, available and willing to work full time. Being a full time student disqualifies you for that purpose. I also became pregnant again at that time (age 23). The school said I couldn’t attend culinary school while pregnant. I had to make a choice and still needed means to support my son and future baby so I quit. I was very depressed for a while.
My grandma had passed away right before I got pregnant. My mom used her hands inheritance to buy a house with my brother (who conned her into letting him be on the mortgage). At some point after having my daughter at 24, my apartment became roach infested and I kept getting very bad sinus infections every couple months. I have asthma and my doctor told me I was very allergic and living there was making me sick. The housing voucher was only good for that apartment and wouldn’t let me move so I gave it up and went to live with my mom.
That house became toxic for me and my kids though. I only stayed there for two years. I got a job that was flexible and understanding of my mental health as well as me being a single mom. I was able to rent a house for me and my kids. My mom basically disowned me after that, didn’t want anything to do with me or my kids. My main goal in life to be a good mom and give my kids the best life possible. I was very stable and even got promoted to a higher position at my job. I met the man of my dreams as well. Then in May 2019 my dad who I hadn’t seen in 12+ years was all the sudden dying of cancer in Cuba. I emptied my bank account went to see him only stayed 5 days. He passed away two weeks later.
I tried to make amends with my mom but she refused. She loved her things in her house more than me. She claimed if she left the house my brother would destroy her things. I was hurt but I still tried again and invited to thanksgiving dinner. She actually accepted but then passed away the week before Thanksgiving in Nov 2019. 6 mos after my dad passed away. Not only am I riddled with PTSD, anxiety and depression… now add grief to the mix.
My dad never sent us a dime after he left, he never wanted to know my kids. He didn’t have anything to leave us when he died either. My mom did help me a lot in my life and helped my kids but in the end disowned us and didn’t want to spend the last few years with us at all. All my mom had was her house, it was supposed to be split between 4 children but guess what? That brother that conned her still lives in the house. It’s not a million $ house nor 1/2 million house but it’s something better than nothing. He refinanced and gave us each 1/2 of our share but we have yet to see the rest.
Anywho. After Covid life got kind of crazy. Didn’t lose my job but my partner and I decided to have a baby so I had to take a pay cut to work remotely. Now I still don’t get any financial help from my oldest children fathers but he helps me a lot. We don’t drink alcohol or do drugs we’re just hard working people. He has two kids from previous relationships and has a hefty child support payment so I just take care of my older two on my own financially. I did put their dads on child support a long time ago but neither of them pay consistently and it’s been two years since one has paid anything. I tried to give up on them and just focus on making more money so I can give my kids a better life but it’s really hard in these times. Cost of living plus inflation, plus having 3 kids is just a lot.
My partner and I were able to get a homeowner’s grant to assist with a down payment on house. We were not able to buy a brand new house in the greatest condition but it’s live-able, affordable and it’s ours. All of the nicer houses would have been way outside of our budget. We got a home warranty and little by little are trying to make repairs, it’s just very expensive and hard to make ends meet. A wise man once told me you’re either filthy rich or dirt poor, there’s no middle class anymore. Unfortunately we fall into in the latter category.
I have maybe $20k in CC debt. Much of which was used to supplement groceries. We pay $2400 in mortgage. We each have a car payment, plus insurance. We spend maybe $1200+ on groceries/toiletries for 6 people. We buy regular, and cheap, no organic. We don’t have a dryer in the house and the washer doesn’t work. The repair request for the washer would be $125 and we may get enough to replace the washer but would still need another $700 to get the stackable dryer. I spend $60-$80/mo on laundry for me and the kids. He spends maybe $40/mo.
The house still has original cabinets from the 70’s. I get so many splinters often because they are just not good. Replacing them would be $2k and that’s cheapest we could find estimates. We need a bigger shed for storage since we don’t have a basement, just a crawl space. A decent Shed would at least be $1000 if not more. (The houses with basements were 20k+ more than ours). We also have a water heater that makes so much noise because apparently something broke on the inside. It clanks back n forth and makes so much noise. It needs to be replaced but noise isn’t covered under warranty so we just deal with it. We don’t have $4k plus to get a new one. The kids need clothes and shoes as they are growing constantly. Clothes and shoes for 4 kids (my three and my partners son) would be like $1k if they each had a $250 budget. We can’t afford vacations since we bought the house but I’m ok sacrificing vacations for equity. We just won’t see much equity until we’re halfway through our 30 yr mortgage.
I also just lost Medicaid, the state offers insurance but low deductible low co pay plans are $350-$400/mo which I can’t afford.I also can’t afford high deductible/high copays or to pay out of pocket. My job doesn’t offer any benefits at all. Thank God my kids are still covered. I do need to go to the eye doctor for glasses/contacts. It would be $100 for 3yr eye care club plus $100 for glasses plus $350 for a year’s worth of contacts (you get a discount if you buy a year’s worth, without discount it would be $475). I just can’t really afford it.
We’re trying our best here. We pay the important bills of on time but still live paycheck to paycheck. We are having a hard time making ends meet and being able to afford house repairs, medical, gas and stuff for the kids. We don’t eat out all the time, I cook meals the majority of the time. I try to be frugal and buy as cheaply as possible. We are not lavish people that have to have name brand everything and let alone $200-$300 pair of shoes or articles of clothing. I usually buy myself $20 or less jeans from Sam’s club.
I’m not asking for a certain amount or enough to cover everything we need just hoping someone wants to be a blessing either to our house or our kids so we can all live a little more comfortably. Anything would be a huge blessing and I hope to make enough money one day to be a blessing to someone else. My dream is to become a business owner.
https://paypal.me/arod05711?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US