Hello to anybody reading.
My name is Jaedan Ross. I am a 39 years of age and currently reside in Berkshire UK.
As a child i was sexually abused by my biological father and one of his friends. Through nightmares i remember how it started and what would happen when my mother was out at work. I have come to terms with this mostly but this still affects several aspcect of my life even today. i still have regular nightmares and wake up crying and then cant get back to sleep and sometimes i dont sleep at all for the fear of the nightmares waking me.
I have attempted to take my own life several times since the age of 15 i am currently in the headapce that i no longer wish to be alive. I cant take this feeling anymore and am begging for assistance to normalise my life as i cant face another 10 years in this despair.
I have been in several relationships that have all ended badly and made my mental health issues even more complicated than they were previously. I have Complex PTSD, deprerssion, Borderline Multiple Personality disorder, Diabetes and Hyertension more recently past 18 months i also suffer from bouts of Vertigo.
I have always worked but am not a very educated man. I worked in retail for a large chunk of my early adulthood and then from 2010 i was a care assistant looking after elderly clients with dementia and then adults with autism and severe learning difficulties. I am now working as a housekeeper ( room attendant ) in a large hotel but am struggling to make ends meet as these jobs are all minimum wage.
over the last 20 years i have taken out loans to please partners and had credit cards, once these relationships broke down i was left with debt that i was unable to satisfy and have now got several defaults and repossesions on my credit file. nobody would touch me with a loan and last year i entered in to an IVA, i am unfortunately struggling to meet payments for my regular bills and cost of living.
I presently over 19k to the IVA company and on top of this i borrowed money from my landlady £3600 and havent been able to pay rent for the 7 months i have lived here and right now this totals £2100, i also owe money to my grandarents who took money out of their pension with the understanding i would pay them back monthly and i havent been able to pay this back i currently owe them £5500, i also owe somebody who was a close friend £2500 which she loaned to me to hire the van to move me last june, covered my food and bills for the 2 months but this didnt stretch to my rent.
im worried that i will lose my friendship with my friend as she has been going through oesophogeal cancer treatment and has been unable to work. my grandparents are getting upset that i havent been able to pay them back and i dont know for how much longer i will have somewhere to live if i cant pay back my landlady and catch up with rent payments.
i would like very much to step away from lower paid work and train to become a registered nurse but to enable myself to do this i would need to go to college and sit my GCSE’S to enable me to get on to an access to higher education Nursing course and then to go forwards and do extra training to become an oncology speciality nurse for breast cancer.
while i am still plagued with debt i will never be able to better myself and change my situation to have a chance at a succesful future.
i hope there are people out there willing to help me with my situation and i thank you sincerely if you do.
paypalme/JaedanRoss83