I am in an emotional and mental abusive relationship and im trying to leave my partner and have full custody of my kids and for him to have visitation rights. I work part time from home, while taking care of them, cleaning cooking, playing with them and im not even allowed to get a part time baby sitter to help out.. so many times i had to take off work and make up my hours after 9/10 pm when kids are asleep. He is on his phone most days and only jumps in to punish, especially my daughter.. sends her to her room if she doesnt behave. She is only 2 years old and doesnt even understand what she has done.. one time he did this she was in the room for 5 minutes crying hysterically and after that i didnt let that happen again. Every time i jump to try to protect my daughter and ask him to please talk to her instead we end up arguing. You can tell he doesnt respect women and always critisizes them, it shouldve been a red flag for me when we first met and he told he is not in the best term with his mother.. but unfortunately i had compassion for his stories. He critisizes everything i do and i mean everything. Has called me an idiot, a moron, stupid, messy, disgusting…I’ m writing this with tears in my eyes because these memories are too painful. As far as what he has mentioned, his mother used to critisize him since he was a young little boy.
I know he has emotional trauma and he need healing but he will never admit that to himself. He will blame everything and i mean everything on the other person..(most of the time that person is me) Even if it is his fault and who really cares whose fault… i dont like pointing fingers .. i tell him to lets look for solutions instead but he unfortunately likes to blame and terrified and i mean terrified to take the blame.
He is currently waiting for a settlement and supposed to receive a lot of money soon. Today he threatened me that he will take the kids and leave when his money comes in. I want the kids to grow up happy and confident and filled with love and no matter how much he abuses me mentally and emotionally on a daily basis and sometimes hourly basis.. i push to be positive around the kids and most times i dont answer him. I feel im walking around eggshells around him. Recently i started seeing a therapist to help me release all this built up anger and emotional pain and my good friend bartered his services with the therapist so i can go see her for free because i dont have medical insurance. The money i get from my work is enough for groceries and my kids regular necessities. I would love some help to get my own place and move out with my kids. Purchase a car and put my kids to school. I’ve never ever done this before and never been in this situation before.
I know down deep inside he has a good heart and could be caring and loving when he is in a great mood (once in a while) and I definitely don’t wish him anything bad because i know he is huring.. he doesnt know he is hurting but he is .. he has too much emotional and even physical pain from prior accident he has been through.. I also know hurt people hurt others especially those the closest to them. I dont regret meeting him because i have two beautiful children that i am in awe with every single day watching them grow. I do desperately want some help so i can do my best to raise my kids to blossom into beautiful human souls .. so one day they can maybe make a difference in the world. Love & Light to all of you!
PS. did i mention i also have a little bichon-poo that will be coming with us:).. he is my first baby and his name is Love
Paypal: Zglowinghearts@gmail.com