I truly believe that what exists inside of me is a dream that is intended to water other dreams. I don’t say this with arrogance or high-mindedness. I have spent the last five and a half years struggling, with nearly all of my energy, just trying to survive hardship after hardship without letting it break my spirit completely. Sadly, to no avail. The levels of depression and anxiety, along with the various forms of self-loathing that my mind was introduced to in that season has many times felt like more than I can bear. In the span of 6 months, I had lost my job, my car, and my apartment…and with little to no financial reserves to sustain me while I attempted to pivot, there was barely a trace of the few personal gains I had seen from the previous season of life…improvements that I admittedly should have been in a position to capitalize on.
However, what I did not expect was the level of cognitive sobriety and mental clarity that started setting in about a year ago, by the grace of God. Gradually, I started spending less time licking my wounds, while giving more of my mind to owning my decisions as well as the full sum of all the debt I incurred. Taking full responsibility for where I’ve landed at this juncture in life has been one of the single most valuable things I’ve ever done for myself. The “life ain’t fair” blinders have come off, little by little and it has invoked a bold willingness to keep striving in spite of ongoing struggles.
This is why I believe that the dream within me is intended to water other dreams. Because, when I started experiencing these unprecedented moments of clarity, I started examining my life less like a patient in therapy, obsessing over how I feel…and more like a tinker or an engineer who has a strong resolve to understand how things work. It’s making me into the type of person that I think can help push humanity forward. In fact, I am genuinely growing excited about doing so.
Which brings me to my present circumstances. To this day, I am still striving to regain my footing in efforts to rebuild a life that I would be proud to call “decent” or at least “self-sufficient”. Currently, I am couch-surfing while I drive Uber. I do not begrudge the work at all, as I am thankful to have a job, and one that even plays to a few of my interpersonal strengths. However, one of the resulting setbacks I have been working the hardest to overcome is no longer owning my own vehicle. I’ve had to resort to renting vehicles through various car rental companies, which has cost me anywhere between $1,700 and $2,000 per month to sustain over the last 6 months. This, I’m sure you can imagine, does not leave me with nearly enough income to afford a place of my own or a new vehicle…even while regularly working up to 12 hours a day.
I do it for a few reasons. One, having the ability to get where I need to go at my own convenience is a priority for me. Especially, as an aspiring business owner. As much as I currently pay to rent the vehicles I use, having to rely daily on public transit or the good graces of other people in order to get where I need to go was far more taxing in my experience. Two, the scheduling flexibility that is native to gig workers like Uber drivers affords me the opportunity to fully transition at some point into piloting the business that I am committed to building. My hope is that the transition would be sooner rather than later.
What is in my heart is a small media company that would hopefully grow over time. I’m a bit of a creative. I love to write, to speak, to design, to curate culture, to create moments that are compelling and meaningful. I aspire to use these to generate video content…cultural commentary, art, social science, economics, family/community. With so much distrust and skepticism that many people exhibit in relation to the media nowadays, I want to provide people with media that is actually healthy for their minds and lives. And, that’s just the beginning.
Last year, I was blessed to upgrade from a smaller laptop to an Apple Macbook, which has enhanced the creation process tremendously. I need much more, though. And, while I would love to itemize all the tools and software that are required in order to streamline my processes, I recognize that what I am essentially lobbying for are not things, but an opportunity. With respect, I seek no pity and no handout…and that is because my failures have taught me how things work. I understand that what I need cannot be given. It must be grown. This is why housing and a personal vehicle are my top priorities. Securing these two things would put me in a position to cultivate the dream you would be providing seed for.
A new personal vehicle would not only eliminate an exorbitant monthly cost for transportation, thereby allowing me to allocate those funds to rent for my own place instead…but it would also free up lots more time for developing my company, which would notably include pursuing more opportunities to network with like-minded creatives.
I am requesting $20,000-$25,000 in funding, though I’d be grateful for any amount. And, I appreciate each individual who has graciously indulged me by taking the time to read.
Blessings.