I want to start by saying something you probably don’t hear often on a site like this: I don’t have a dramatic, heartbreaking story involving illness, disaster, or tragedy. What I have is something quieter, more ordinary, and in some ways harder to talk about. It’s years of slow financial erosion that has left me, at 53 years old, with almost nothing saved and a mountain of debt I can’t seem to escape.
In 2015, I went through a divorce. As part of the settlement, I was ordered to pay spousal support for seven years. I want to be clear about something: I’m not bitter about it. My ex-wife needed time and financial support to re-establish herself and build a new life, and I was genuinely glad I could provide that. I hold no resentment. But the reality of living with that financial obligation for seven years was brutal in ways that were hard to fully appreciate at the time.
For seven years, a significant portion of my income went directly to spousal support. My job had moved me out of state while my son (full time college student) lived in the marital home. What was left had to cover rent where I was living, the mortgage on the house, utilities, food, transportation, and everything else life demanded. For all intents and purposes, I was supporting 3 households. There was nothing left over. Not for savings. Not for retirement contributions. Not for emergencies. When emergencies happened anyway (and they always do), I reached for credit cards and personal loans just to keep the lights on and the car running. I wasn’t being reckless. I was surviving. I finally sold the house in 2018 after my son had moved out. I’m sure I could have made it a rental, but the costs just to make it “rentable” were ridiculously far out of reach at the time.
Over those seven years, the debt accumulated quietly but consistently. By the time the spousal support obligation ended, I was relieved of that specific burden but left holding a stack of high-interest credit card balances and personal loans that had become their own ongoing crisis. The interest alone is relentless. Every month, a painful slice of my paycheck disappears into minimum payments that barely move the needle on the principal.
I have made progress. I am in a better place than I was a few years ago. I bought a home with my girlfriend, which is something I genuinely didn’t think I’d be able to say at this point in my life. That is a win I’m proud of. But the debt from those difficult years follows me everywhere, and with the cost of living continuing to rise (groceries, insurance, gas, utilities), the pressure has become nearly unbearable.
Here is what relief would actually mean for my life, practically speaking:
Paying off my credit cards and personal loans would free up hundreds of dollars every single month. That money doesn’t disappear into a vacation or a luxury purchase; it goes straight into my 401(k), which I have been unable to contribute to meaningfully because every available dollar is already spoken for. I am 53 years old. I have very little saved for retirement. If I had to stop working today, I would be financially devastated within weeks. That is not an exaggeration; it is the math of my situation, and it keeps me up at night. I’ve accepted the reality that I’ll likely keep working until I’m well past the “retirement age” of 67 (or whatever the goverment has said it is). I do my best to stay in good health to make sure I can continue earning a paycheck!
Beyond retirement and a modicum of peace, there is something else I want. My girlfriend has been patient, supportive, and wonderful throughout all of this. I want to propose to her. I want to buy her an engagement ring she deserves. Right now, that is not possible. Freeing up even a portion of my monthly debt payments would make saving up for that dream achievable within a realistic timeframe.
I am not asking for a handout to fund a lifestyle I haven’t earned. I am asking for help escaping a debt cycle that started during one of the hardest chapters of my life and that I have not been able to outrun despite years of effort. I have considered debt consolidation loans, but at this point that is just shuffling the same balance from one creditor to another while the total barely changes. It is a treadmill, not a solution.
If you have ever felt the weight of debt that seems to grow no matter how hard you work, you understand what I’m describing. Any contribution (truly any amount) moves me closer to a finish line I can finally see.
Thank you for reading this. I don’t take it for granted that you spent your time here.