Hello. My name is Katie. I am 40years old. And I am struggling so hard to stay afloat. I am a single mother of three amazing human beings- whom I absolutely worship and adore. Therefore, when my child support was unexpectedly absent ($0 payments since July). It was really a no brainer to just take out a loan here or there- or pawn another ‘something’ around the house that’s really not getting used….or… my really BIG MISTAKE, getting a title loan on my car!! Really not sure exactly what I was thinking in terms of paying it off right away. But, now that im 26 days late and feel paranoid like the ‘repo man’ is going to pop up on me everytime I need to go somewhere- mixed with the throbbing pain running down my neck from the radiating tooth pain I have from a chunk that broke off, my phone ringing non-stop from bill collectors, the late nights staying up baking cookies just so my younger two have a decent snack for school- all the while adjusting to the absence of my 18yr old who went off to college in August (truly grateful, just a huge adjustment since we had never been apart) I really feel like Ibam circling the drain. The dread of having no more things to sell or anyone to ask for help from is literally draining my soul. And had it not been for my son, Major, loosing his tooth earlier this evening…I probably still would not have the balls to resort to asking google ‘websites to beg for money’. But, I did. And here I am..I am truly desperate and absolutely embarrassed by how out of control my finances have got. I am in a war- a constant battle between my heart and my mind right now and I feel hopeless. Part of me wants to just ‘un-zip’ and escape from myself- while the other part of me reassures myself that I am only human. Then, for example- last Thursday it was time for our annual scoliosis exam- myself accompanying my amazing little 11 year old Whitney. Who was like a kid at Christmas the night before simply because she was juiced about spending the day with me- her mom!! I really dont want to ramble on and on- but, my heart beats for them. I want to be the best mother that I can be. Because they deserve the most- the best of everything. My struggle frustrates me most right now- because I am in such a constant state of turmoil, constantly scrambling to feed them and stay on schedule and this and that- that i find myself spinning- out of control with devastating thoughts about my worth. I need to stop. And breathe. And that’s why I am begging for your help. Specifically, because I don’t even have tooth fairy money.
-my tiltle loan is such a growing beast. It is now over $5,600
-i owe another $1600 in loans
– $2200 to get my things out of pawn
Honestly- ANYTHING HELPS. I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR EVEN READING THIS.