If I were to tell you everything my mom has survived starting in her childhood, it would take up your entire day. Instead, I’ll tell you how challenging the past few years have been and how she has only gotten through it through God’s grace and granting her strength through her faith that has not been broken.
2020 brought multiple challenges for everyone worldwide, but it was a distressing time for my mom, who had to be a pillar of strength.
On May 1st, she received a call that he uncle Carlos, who was like a brother to her, dropped dead. She called her uncle Henry to tell him his little brother passed, and he told her she had to keep it together and do what she had to do. With no one able to go with her, as I was working from home and needed to take care of my nonverbal autistic brother, she drove to the community housing center where her uncle lived and confirmed with the police that he was her uncle; she also had to clean his room. We learned that he passed from a blood clot due to diabetes that developed in his leg and traveled to his heart. The hardest part was telling my grandma that her youngest brother passed away. She lived in an independent living center attached to Rush University Medical Center, which was closed to visitors due to the pandemic. My mom called the woman running the center and was permitted to meet with my grandmother. They sat at opposite ends of a long table in the event room. My grandma was excited to see my mom since it had been so long; she said, “Oh, what a treat!” Once my mom informed her that her little brother passed away, my grandma broke down in tears. The hardest part of that moment for my mom was the inability to hug or comfort her mother due to strict social distancing policies. We had my uncle Carlos cremated and waited until we saved enough money to bury him in September next to my uncle Alex (mom’s older brother), who passed away in 2013.
On September 3rd, just days before we were supposed to bury my Uncle Carlos, my mom received a call that her little brother was found dead on August 31st (which happened to be her birthday). It seemed she was grieving alone, as my grandma appeared more upset about losing her brother than her son. Fortunately, estranged family members on my grandpa’s side who felt remorse for never putting effort into connecting with my mom and uncle began to pitch in to have my uncle cremated and buy a plot to bury him later in the same week we buried my uncle Carlos. Despite the two-year age gap between my mom and her brother, the two were like twins, supporting each other through the trauma they experienced growing up, almost having the same thoughts as adults. My mom felt so broken after losing her little brother, and today, the sorrow remains as she moves on with life. I still remember hearing her cry the moment she found out and the occasional nights she cried rather than sleep. To help cope with the loss, I spoke with a friend who owns a gym and got a discount on a personal trainer for my mom. My mom made me proud as she improved her mental and emotional strength enough to join classes when her trainer left to pursue a different career. Her determination to keep moving forward, despite the pain, is a testament to the strength God gives her.
In December, we lost my godfather (my mom’s cousin) to COVID-19, and less than a month later, in January of 2021, we lost my paternal grandfather after a lengthy battle with lung failure. Both losses were difficult for my mom to cope with, but she managed to push through with her faith in God and friends at the gym.
All seemed to go well until November 1st of 2022, when my brother’s dad (who lived with us to co-parent my brother) abruptly moved without notice. It was a shock for us, as my mom was not working due to having to care for my little brother since he was born. My brother’s dad said he would still contribute what he was paying in rent for as long as my mom needed.
A few days later, my grandma experienced a stroke. She was hospitalized for this, and we had high hopes that she would recover. Unfortunately, she had two more strokes overnight, and her jaw somehow unhinged, leaving her unable to eat solid food and without the use of her left side. Since the hospital only allowed stroke patients to stay in their recovery center for a week, we had to find a nursing home that would accept Medicaid quickly. Like many other nursing homes, there were polite staff who took care of their patients and rude staff who would move the call button out of my grandmother’s reach and let her make a mess of herself while eating instead of assisting her in setting up her tray. With her brothers gone, my mom had no one else to advocate for my grandma, so she visited the nursing home multiple times, sanitizing the room and cleaning up my grandma when the nursing home staff failed to do so. On a few occasions, one of my mom’s friends, my grandma’s cousin, and her sister were able to go sit with her for a while and inform my mom that the nursing home staff was not doing what they said they were. Through late January, my grandma showed no progress with physical therapy. I could see the sadness in my mom’s eyes that no matter the efforts she put in, my grandma was not improving; the nursing home manager informed us that since another company was buying the nursing home and my grandma was showing no progress, we would need to find a place for her to move to.
One day, my grandma was able to lift her left leg. We became excited, and the nursing home staff requested to start physical therapy again. However, when my mom visited on a separate day, she found that the attending nurse was rude and not checking on my grandma. My mom recognized that my grandma was dehydrated and that her blood pressure was low. After my grandma’s blood pressure continued to decline rapidly, an ambulance was called to take her to the hospital. My mom assisted the nurses at the hospital with what they needed to do. They found that my grandma had a urinary tract infection due to dehydration. After several days of being hospitalized, my grandma was moved to a new nursing home we were considering without notice. The new nursing home was no better, and the room was filthy when my grandma got there. My mom told the staff that my grandma’s room was dirty, but no one came to clean the room. Fortunately, a new overnight nurse started her shift and said she would keep an eye on my grandma.
On the morning of February 8th, my mom received a call that my grandma was taken to the hospital via ambulance because she started seizing. She was told the UTI may have affected my grandma’s heart, and she was not going to last long. At the hospital, we were told my grandma had another stroke and had multiple blood clots throughout her body, and it was best to honor her DNR. My mom agreed with the doctor, and my grandma was moved to hospice. My grandma’s cousin picked me up from the hospital so I could get my brother from ABA therapy, leaving my mom alone. Unfortunately, my grandma began to have seizures back to back, leaving the hospice nurses in tears. Some friends stopped by the hospital to be with my mom, one staying with her overnight and taking the time to wipe down my grandma when she wasn’t seizing. My cousin flew in from the Navy and went to the hospital for a few hours at a time.
On February 10th, the seizures stopped, and my grandma drew her last breath. When my cousin left to go home, my mom sat alone in the room until a friend texted her that he was outside the hospital and could drive her to her car and guide her to the main road. As she stepped out of the room, she turned to look at my grandma, not wanting to leave. When my mom came home, I hugged her tightly, not knowing what to say. I can’t imagine how she feels after losing her brothers and mom. After burying my grandma’s ashes, it was hard for my mom to adjust. She continued to go to the gym, which helped tremendously through the grief. Unfortunately, due to increased membership prices, we had to step away from the gym that December.
In late January of 2024, after several weeks of odd behavior and driving a different car after his mother’s car broke down, my brother’s dad informed my mom he was in a serious relationship. My mom asked if this woman had been around my brother, and he said no. He claimed his girlfriend had experience working with children with special needs, leaving my mom slightly at ease. She asked that the new woman not be around Matthew until they met. Following her intuition, my mom looked up the plates of the new car and found that it was registered to one of his employees and her mother. When confronting my brother’s dad, he admitted that my brother had been around his new girlfriend several times. Later in the conversation, he stated he (age 51) was in a relationship with his employee (age 21), whom he hired immediately after she graduated high school (when she was 17).
Shortly after dropping the news to my mom, he took away the support he was giving, telling me, “It was going to have to end at some point.” Through this year, more of my brother’s dad’s lies have been exposed. He and his employee had dated for several months before he told my mom that my brother had been around her family multiple times. She lives with my brother’s dad and tags along with them everywhere, and his income each year is close to 80k (he told my mom it was around 40k).
What upsets my mom the most is that my brother’s dad took advantage of the fact that my brother cannot speak; that is pure evil. He lied about his income and never provided the appropriate amount of child support for my brother, leaving my brother to barely have what he needs while my mom goes without to provide for him. He sees nothing wrong with his girlfriend being seven years older than his son, quoting “love is love” as his defense. Sadly, he sees nothing wrong with only seeing my brother overnight once a week; he has not asked for more time, and when my mom has offered, he says no, preferring to spend his time with his girlfriend. My brother’s dad continues to lie and attempt to manipulate my mom when she speaks.
My mom has accrued credit card debt by trying to make ends meet, and more debt in attorney fees as my brother’s dad believes he does not need to do what the judge orders and has been held in contempt of court. I wonder what his reaction will be once he starts paying the appropriate amount of child support; he’s already upset about paying for a parent coordinator and a co-parenting app.
Despite all this, my mom has decided to better herself and pursue her associate’s degree in business administration at Colorado Christian University. I am very proud of how far she has come and how hard she works. Currently maintaining a 4.0 GPA, she hopes to get a job after graduation in 2026 so she will not depend on my brother’s dad.
After everything my mom has done for my brother and me, I help as much as possible, such as with her cellphone bill, groceries, and school supplies. However, I work as a secretary at a university, so my income is limited, and since I am in graduate school, spare cash is also restricted. However, I can start this for my mom; I hope to help relieve her of her credit card debt. After going through so much, she deserves peace of mind.
Thank you
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