Hi, I’m not gonna sugarcoat anything because that’s a form of Lying. The truth may hurt, but lies destroy.
I have six kids. I have a 15 year-old and a five year-old girl then I have a nine-year-old autistic with ADHD boy another three-year-old that’s autistic and up until two weeks ago was non-verbal but I’ve worked with him so much. He’s starting to found out his letters being able to Almost read. He knows his entire alphabet can count the 30 by himself he will rearrange letters to make the alphabet And the best thing is he sings. I have a two year-old boy and a one year-old boy as well. My two year-old has a Hole in his heart. It was supposed to close by the time was a year old, but I was never able to go back and have it checked Because his father beat me the Night before and morning of the appointment at John’s Hopkins and We rescheduled it twice, but I was at the mercy of him because I needed a ride. Now my 4 youngest children do not know anything other than a basement or one bedroom efficiency apartment. Because at some point, the man I loved and respected deemed me not worthy to pay my bills because I stopped doing dishes (I was going through post-partum times 2 at this point.) and instead of being there for me or pick up my slack, he left. He started making friends and hanging out with them, spending the night. It was mostly men at first then it became women and weekends he would leave. I had no money and no assistance because I lived under the same roof as him, I was denied everything except WIC but that still only gives you so much. My kids will never suffer because of another human being unless it is their own choice to do so but absolutely not because of a choice I made. I had to start stealing formula and food. Basic human nessesities like feminine products for me and my daughter and deodorant for myself and my two oldest because man those little ones going through puberty are some little ripe ones!! And soap or body wash . That’s doesn’t include shampoo and conditioner. I’ve cut my hair and had to cut my boys but before all this, they had long hair. My daughters have never cut their hair and it’s a lot but beautiful. Anyways. It’s been 3 years actually the first time he put his hands on me is 3 years on my birthday, a few days before Valentine’s Day. My birthday is in a week. He beat me so bad my aunt didn’t even recognize me. I lives in a very small town with only 1 traffic light. They had no resources so I had to stay. I’ve been dealing for so long, that’s normal to me. Disrespect is normal to me, expected even. Kindness is so foreign to not only me but to my kids also that my daughter had gotten a ride with my sister and her new bf and had no idea how to react when he held the doors open for her and ladies first type thing. So it occurred to me that I am part of the reason she doesn’t love and respect herself. People will only treat you how you allow them to. So as soon as I was able to, I got away. It took me 2.5 yrs but after jumping through hoops I got enough go assistance that paid 1/2 a month at a hotel for me and the kids, even though I was over the occupancy limit by the Fire marshal, I didn’t care. I bartered and begged for the other 1/2 month of room fees. I Had exhausted every single avenue That I knew of. I was at the hotel for two months and then CASA finally had enough feds for my size family, which was a family of seven and the limit there was four. When I was pregnant with my youngest, I had my OB/GYN call and have it approved for me to go and take all my kids so they had to honor that. While, I was there someone had reported me to cps. If you saw me a few months ago you probably would do because have you ever seen someone have to sit on her kids to keep them from getting hit by a car?? You haven’t met me then. Cause it’s not possible to hold 2 little hands and an infant with no carrier’s or leashes. I have everything I need now to safely leave my house and no one get sat on or hurt. When the caseworker had come meet me , I knew her. I was on MAT when I gave birth to my last 4 kids and it’s mandatory cps get notified of any baby born with a positive test prescribed or not. So when she saw me, she said I looked great which I didn’t think so but I wasn’t bruised like the last time I saw her. I immediately asked for family preservation meaning they had to do everything they possibly could to keep me and my kids together but I didn’t need that level of services so I got referred to another community resource, it’s a grant based program because I’m an addict and I have a mental health diagnosis. I’m bipolar depression, anxiety, postpartum, and PTSD and I’m un medicated and I have been for the past three years. Every day gets easier but the one thing that gets harder every day is finances I need a vehicle and I need a washer and dryer if I don’t do a load a day I get backed up to where I cannot get caught up and I just wanna give my kids happy home a safe home that is built for them. My three year-old is beginning to read after being non verbal and me not even hearing Momma until last week.
wait let me back up. I was at CASA for 1 month then they paid 1 month at a local hotel for me and my kids and the day before I had to leave, I moved into a 3br house for the homeless. Although I did not meet the requirements of being homeless for an entire year, I was considered a woman fleeing immediate danger and was moved to the top of the list and was able to move just in time. It has an attic and basement. But if a home made that much of a difference in my 3 year olds progress, imagine what I could do with all 3 babies. They say you learn the most before age 5 and that’s my job right there. My 1 year old says thank you and he says his brothers/sisters names. My 2 yr old can say all his abcs and count to 10 by himself, singing alone, he knows some shapes and all his colors. My 3 year old I heard him say hexagon & octagon yesterday. I gotta be doing something right, right? My older 2 didn’t know as much as my 2 yr old knows by the time they went to pre-k. I’m proud and I’m the mom who desperately needs a break but can’t stop talking about them as soon as I walk out the door or end up just taking them with me. I love my children and I am trying to do my best but it’s hard getting a job with this many littles not in school, I’m not the head start waitlist but things take time. If we go anywhere together, if I don’t have a sitter and have an appointment, we need 2 vehicles because the local community outreach program doesn’t have a minivan, a vehicle with 3 row seating or a transit van. I’m not picky, I will drive a trash can on wheels if I can fit these kids, I wouldn’t have to work around the availability of several people. I could make my eye appointment and go instead of always putting the kids appointments before my own. I could go get my dentures fit so I don’t look so crazy with no teeth. One of those things I wish I knew then what I know now…
I try every day to do 1% better than yesterday. Everyday do 1 more thing I think the person I wanna be would do. I strive for progress not perfection. And as long as my girls don’t allow it and my boys don’t do it or allow it, as long as they are better than me, I think I’m winning at this thing we call life, you know the parent addition with no rules. At least mine were missing. Idk. I didn’t think I’d get this far because I am an addict, who is unmedicated and only on the sublocade shot and bc I never have a ride I’ll go 2-3 months without the shot, weining myself completely off maintenance. I have not used street drugs/iv since 2014.. I survived birth in 2016 the suicide of my brother-in-law, the death of my father in 2018, and a birth in 2020, 2022, 2023 & 2024 and postpartum depression that got worse each baby. I didn’t leave the hospital for 2 weeks for my last baby and I received ZERO narcotics by choice… if you don’t know what sublocade is, educate yourself. I’d literally give an arm and leg to wake up and not feel normal. Some days I can’t even get outta bed but that’s not really an option because I am needed. I gotta put my oxygen mask on before I can help the person mext to me with theirs. Lord knows I’m trying with my whole heart!!!
I could get an older used minivan for 6000, it wouldn’t last as long as a newer vehicle but you heard I’m not picky, right? And a washer/dryer set is no more than 300 used. (a dishwasher is my dream roommate if you know one in need of a home). And any and all food is welcome. I have a new way of life, I will not turn down any help no matter how small. I am leading by example to make tomorrow better.
I appreciate you taking your precious time to read all this. I apologize if I made it difficult to follow me. Like I said I’m not medicated and my mind doesn’t take a break either.
my PayPal.me/HLWG1989
my cashapp is $MAMomMaGay
i also have chime: $HLWetGay89
currently I have no income because I have received the maximum amount from tca, while I wait on disability. I do get food stamps but kids eat a ton. You can reach me through those tags and I am ok with gift cards or second hand items. You need a village to raise 1 child and I don’t even have a dwelling. I forgot to mention I have absolutely no family and my kids family don’t consider them family because I called the police on their father and because I left.
although I have been dealt a bad hand from like time and time again, I am lucky and blessed. We each woke up this morning and we are together. I’m cool with all the other undesirable things because some didnt even wake up. Some weren’t even given another day or chance. I will always be grateful and I will forever be humble in everyday life. I couldnt live any other way.
ps. I have about $7000 in credit card debt and about 60,000 in students loans that I’m not able to pay, making my credit worse by the week. I have 75 credits on a 120/credit bachelors degree for social work focusing on child development.