So this is pretty hard for me to do because I’ve been pretty damn independent but I’m just losing it. I was married for 15 years, recently divorced, with 2 boys (age 15 and 10). My ex had my entire childhood (literally threatened my parents to letting him marry me at 16) and college age years in control. I worked full time to please his needs. I went to college to get a better to job to make more money because he wanted a better life than I could afford with a lower paying job. He didn’t work because he couldn’t handle taking orders from people beneath him. When covid hit, he made me suffer at my accounting job so they would fire me and I could get unemployment since they were paying benefits plus an extra $600 each week. Not that that money ever lasted for him either. Every holiday for him was more and more he wanted and if he didnt get it, it would just be a bad time. After countless painful and crying nights, I finally found the courage to leave him through the help of the only friend I had since he isolated me from my family and anyone I knew. When I left… I thought things would get better. But since I was the only one working, and my heart is too damn big, I continued to pay his bills because he made me feel like I had to. He talked me into getting a loan to help get him a car and pay his rent on top of my car and my rent and taking care of our kids. During our divorce, he sweet talked the judge into me having to give him 80% of our bank sccount and half of my retirement that I had been building for over 10 years, which I took a hit for just to pull it out for him. I think if it was only monetary abuse I suffered, I could have handled it. But the mental, physical, and emotional abuse I still suffer from him is making it hard for me to be a good mom anymore. I just want out of this cycle so I can stop feeling like he is controlling me. I just want to move on and only have to deal with him for our sons, but I can’t until my name isn’t tied to his anymore. I know it was a mistake, and sometimes I still feel like he could take me into doing anything. My therapist tells me it’s a personal version of Stockholm syndrome which just makes me feel more sick. Again, I’ve been the “breadwinner” of my life for a long time but now that I’m on my own, I just want to have to worry about my own financials, not his too.
To anyone willing to help me gain my freedom, thank you sooo much. I appreciate anything and everything.
paypal.me/brittanyevans512