Morning Kind World,
Back in the winter months, 2018, I lost the lost of my life. The mother of my daughter, and her 2 sons. Like most urban couples today, she was known as my Baby Mother. But we were talking marriage, if we were to ever get our crap together.
I wasn’t and still isn’t big on Christmas; but she was. Her job was having its annual Christmas potluck the following day so she was in her kitchen burning it down. She was an awesome cook. I was in my home, she was in hers. (She was suffering from bipolarism, so that put a strain on our relationship).
Suddenly, my phone rings and it’s her. She’s crying uncontrollably. All I heard was my head is hurting again. Please come over! I dropped everything! This was the 2nd time this week I had rush to her side. Not knowing this would be our last phone call to each other.
I packed up the Tyler,her 4yr old son, and put him in thebcar first. Then our 2yr old daughter Kennedy into the car next. Her older son had moved in with his father near the Tennessee border. Before walking Vanessa into the car, I turned off all of the burners she had cooking.
Vanessa was also suffering from bad migraines, but she hadn’t had one in quite a while. When we got to the hospital, got checked in, and was called to the back, we were both in great spirits because she was in her comfort zone; the hospital. So we thought!
As the kids slept, Vanessa and I actually tried sharing a laugh or two about her food not being done. She was more concerned about feeding her co-workers than her migraine.
Her doctor came in, checked her out and went over some things with her. I can’t honestly say what was said because we’ll use to it. But I did hear the doctor say that she’ll be heading home soon.
After a good time waiting to be released, a nurse walked in. I watched this nurse insert one shot in Vanessa’s left shoulder, walked around her, and inserted another shot in her right.
In 10 seconds, Vanessa fell face first! And that would be the last time we would share a laughed.
The nurse must have hit the panic button because it seconds we were surrounded. They literally kicked the kids and I out the room for over and hour. And at this point, I am sh*** bricks!
The wait was so long that I called my best friend at that time to come sit with me. After what seem to be a lifetimenof waiting, the doctor called me to the back.
In the doctor’s exact words, she said,
“We put her in an induce comma to stop the pains he was suffering from. In the morning, we gonna have a brain doctor come check her out, wake her up, and send her home!”
Me not knowing anything about medicine, I Fell For It!
About 7ish the following morning, I get a weird phone. It’s her sister from her father side.
“McKey, I’m at the hospital and I could’ve sworn I just saw Vanessa getting into an ambulance.” They said that they’re taking her to Augusta, Ga.” (A little over an hour drive).
I’m calling and calling but no one would give me any answers. I was meet with resistance. Since we weren’t married, they didn’t have to tell me anything. (Even though I’m her only emergency contact)!
By this time, my mom had arrived to my home and took the kids with her. I drove back to the hospital,very fast.
She was indeed gone.
I made some more phone calls to the hospitals in Augusta until I found her. And when I arrived, the doctor there was just as puzzled as I was.
Why is she here? He kept asking me. And I couldnt give him any answers.
For.5 days, I drove back and forth to Augusta just to meet up with this doctor who was more angry then me. He said, I’ve done everything for her at this point. Every test! The final test is up to you. Allowing me to remove these breathing tunes from her. If she can breath on her own, I will keep fighting for her.
December 23rd, Two days before Christmas, Vanessa lost her life.
Her brother(who’s suffers from substance abuse) wouldn’t allow the hospital to do an autopsy on her because he didn’t want her scarred. Again, because we weren’t married, and even though I’m her emergency contact, and she did not and do not interact with her family at all, I HAD NO SAY SO.
The doctor and I both felt that was a dumb decision.
I, with the help of my mother, paid for everything when it came to her homecoming. We didnt even attend her funeral because of death threats from her side of the family who she didn’t even talk too. Well.at least not in the entire 5.5 yrs we were together.
Not only did I pay for the funeral, but months later, I.paid the cost to adopt her son Tyler( who was a result from a one night stand). His father wouldnt come to court because of a warrant he had for his arrest!
Doing that time, I was working as a correctional officer of 9 yrs. I had to resign because i couldn’t figure out how to be a single father. All my money was going to daycare. She was on Medicare and receiving Childcare. I wasn’t so lucky. I kept getting denied.
No law firm will take my case cause again, we weren’t married. I can’t really work cause of child care expenses. I own and operate a 360videophotobooth business but even that’s tough finding reliable babysitters.
I travel back and forth to SC to pick my brother up; who’s a recovering substance abuser himself, to watch my kids while I go to didn’t events to earn a dollar. But even that gives be bad anxiety.
And to top it off, my suv transmission just went out trying to take my brother back home to make sure he made it to his doctor’s appointment. ($3500)
I love being a business owner. The freedom to show my kids things and take them places is worth every struggling dollar I make. But I’m tired. I’m in my 50s raising a 9yr old and a 6yr old(turning 7 this month), and I’m at my wits end.