I’m not entirely sure where to start here. I have a penchant for TMI, and it often causes more problems than it solves, but here is my story and why I’m here today…
3 years ago I relocated back to America after living in England for 20 years. My first job back was cashier in a retail store I took, so I could save to build my credit from 0, and further get a car. Then I could be an Uber driver. I wanted to be a taxi driver ever since I saw a music video in ’92.
Once I got Sheila E. my Camry, I was ready to hit the road. Started driving with Uber and in 11 months I managed to save $4k, and built my credit to a very good score. I was proud of what I had achieved, and I was happy. And single. The only thing I didn’t have was my own place to live. It was alright sharing, but I wanted my own apartment. I was almost there. Then I fell into a relationship trap with someone who wasn’t at all who I thought. Everything you wouldn’t want from a man; cheating, lying, manipulating, etc. I confronted him, and he didn’t like that.
After leaving I got my own apartment but I wasn’t alone. He was cyber-stalking me, stealing identity, and much more. He was trying to financially and emotionally ruin me. Anyway, I couldn’t drive, and I lost my apartment within 3 months. I had to move back in with my father again. After a few months of heavy drinking, I started getting things together again, and then I met another guy in a local bar. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but he was persistent and charming. At first anyway. He moved in with us and things were ok.
Then I wanted to move back to the city, because that’s where I could really make money again driving. What I truly love doing. I’ve had plans now for the last 2 years to go to Duke for post grad studies in Health & Wellness Coaching (which I feel is my true calling) but telling toxic family members about it was a mistake. Anyway, I still dream to go there, but that’s not the reason I’m here asking for help.
The guy I decided to move into a new apartment with in May this year, became a completely different person when we moved in. I helped him get a new job in a warehouse, earning more than ever, but he was never truly grateful. He never is. Nothing is enough unfortunately. He had bad spending habits and credit, and I tried explaining that we couldn’t be frivolous with spending, because bills and rent and more important things needed taking care of first. He became extremely controlling and jealous too. Didn’t want me to work as a driver anymore, because I liked it and picked up men. Even though it was strictly professional. He’d bought a car from my father, but didn’t want to drive it, because it was too slow, and he couldn’t drive on the busy highways. He said. So we shared my car. After 4 months of depression with me staying at home with our puppy, the penny dropped. And here we are. Here I AM anyway. Almost 2 months behind in rent. My credit card is maxed out (which I never had before,) all because I just had to give in to his whims and demands to keep some sort of peace. Emotionally beaten down.
Then all of the sudden a few weeks ago, I NEED TO WORK he told me. He can’t do it all on his own, and more types of verbal and emotional abuse. So I have been trying to get back to work, but almost every time I come home, there’s drama. He had my things packed at the front door once, or just makes me feel miserable to ruin the fact I enjoyed my shift. I have pawned things to come up with some money. He refuses to pawn things he owns.
I don’t want to be with him anymore, but we both signed the lease. And the only downfall of self employment is lack of healthcare. (I’m relying on his benefits as well, seeing the doctor I love, and saw when I was with the last headache.) He said I could take my name off the lease when we pay rent, but I know if I do, he’ll start saying it’s his apartment and I need to move out. I like where we live. Especially the location. It’s perfect for my work, being so close to the airport.
He’s extremely manipulative. Always playing games, and furthermore, I found out he’s also cheated. He has hidden dating apps on his phone. I have reason to believe he’s installed spyware in my phone as well. To keep tabs on me. Same thing the guy I saw before did. So, I am in a public library writing this to keep my privacy.
I don’t know what to do. I thought about going back to England, because I’m somewhat homesick, but I can’t leave my puppy behind. He’s a pitbull, and he’s not allowed entry there, and here, he’d be abused. I also have an adopted cat I love, too.
So, the only thing I can hope to ask for is enough money to catch up on my rent. Perhaps enough to help me get back on my feet again. To set aside, so I actually CAN leave in the near future and head southwest. Start a new life in another state. I have dreams and goals of getting so far in life with a career, though I feel I need trauma healing therapy, and abilities to create to create stronger boundaries to get there.
Thank you for reading my plea. And if you made it this far, thank you again for taking the time to. Genuinely appreciative. Have a blessed day.