Hi! This is such an awkward and humiliating thing to do but here it goes! Hello. My name is Bethany. I’m a cardiac nurse. I’m a mother. I’m a wife. I’m a friend. I grew up in Ohio and at the age of 13 my parents moved the family to the Southwest. I was devastated. I am in love with trees, green, seasons, and that small town community. I never thought I would be able to move back until recently. Now that home prices are soaring where we live it would be the perfect time to find our dream home in Ohio and make the leap! A little background on me…I never give up. I’m a very determined person. My childhood was very traumatic so when my husband and I decided to have a family I was determined to do better. I went to college and became a nurse. I love helping people it is my passion. My family is also my passion. I will always choose my family first. I’ve been a critical care nurse for 14 years. I was working full time until I had my first child 9 years ago. We had a really hard time getting pregnant and we went through fertility treatments. Many miscarriages later we were pregnant with our first boy. Originally, I was going to work part time until he was one. That time came and past. I couldn’t bare to be away from my kids and they me. Growing up my parents were never there. I believe it is more important to be with my kids because they are only little once. I want them to know they are the most important to me. Money is just money. I wish it wasn’t so essential…2 years later, our second boy was born! Luckily, this pregnancy happened naturally. Everyone was happy and healthy until my oldest started priority preschool. My oldest is autistic and has ADHD. We started to notice he was struggling. After lots and lots of testing ($$$) we got his diagnosis. It felt like a third job just making sure my son was getting the right services to help him succeed. It really weighed on me. I started getting sick around this time. Everything my kids picked up I got 10x worse. I couldn’t pull my son out of priority preschool because he needed it! This is when the debt started. 2 years after my second son, my daughter was born! She was an oops but the best oops I could ever ask for. She was born 10 days before the world shut down for COVID. To say it was stressful would be an understatement. I was so scared to go back to work. I did not want to harm my baby or my boys. I should also mention back when I had my first son, he broke my tailbone during labor. I’ve had Physical Therapy multiple times over the years for it. Always after I would give birth it would act up. I was lucky even to stay home with my baby and my boys for 7 months while I received PT for my back. Once I went back to work my floor had turned into a COVID floor. I was so scared I was going to die that I made my husband set up a living will and trust with me. I have always been very sickly since I was born. Once school started back and I was working the COVID floor, the amount of times I have been sick, I can’t even count. Meanwhile charging up those cards because we need to live. I had really good credit so it wasn’t a problem. I’ve had COVID 5x by this point, I have long COVID. Whenever I stand up I get dizzy and my heart rate spiked to the 130’s. It makes me sweat and feel like I’m going to pass out. I can’t take care of patients and risk their safety! My cardiologist says I have something called CVAD. Right now we are playing with meds trying to find the right one. I have not worked since 9/23. In the beginning of September my sister almost died. I took her to the hospital demanding they help her. She had been suffering with nausea/vomiting/pain for 2 years. I promised her I wouldn’t leave her until we figured it out. After a lot of scary events in the hospital my sister was discharged 2 weeks later. They did an exploratory lap on her and found jejunal ulcers (rare) and swollen lymph nodes. She also had a bowel obstruction. I was off work taking care of her during the day then going home to take care of my kids then back to the hospital…The night my sister was discharged I had to go to the hospital. I had a severe kidney infection and kidney stones. I had to be hospitalized 3 different times for this over a course of a month and a half. I had a stent in and it was so painful! I was so relieved to get it out in early November. Meanwhile credit cards are basically maxed. I got COVID at my last stay at the hospital and that’s when I developed this heart problem. On Thanksgiving I was sitting at the table and my heart rate was 143! After a lot of testing we found the cause and now we are trying different meds to help. I haven’t been able to take care of my house or my kids since late September because I’ve been so sick. My husband is wonderful and has been pulling all the weight. He works full time as a store manager at a local coffee shop. He has worked there since 2003! The owner is like family to us and my husband is a very loyal person.I used to work there too. That’s how we met. He hasn’t had much of a raise over the years but is still asked to do more and more. We had joked about moving to Ohio to get him away from where he is working. He is so loyal I think it’s the only way! I decided to start looking. We found our dream home!!! It’s on 3 acres of land right next to a beautiful park. I’m an avid gardener so the possibilities of what we could do is endless. It needs about 50K work but I don’t mind because I know it’s meant to be. My husband is now determined to open his own coffee shop when we move! I started looking for remote nursing jobs. I should have done it a long time ago with all our health problems and my bad back. I have found the position!!! I am currently waiting to interview. The house we love went off the market for the winter but will be relisted in the spring. They are asking 479K for it but honestly is more like a 350K house then you add on the 50K…. Our house now could sell for 500k. Over the years we have refinanced a few times. We owe over 300K. With all the issues over the years and having children to take care of we used that money when I wasn’t working. We have kept our house up and everything has been redone. We have lived in our house for 16 years. No aesthetic stuff but a new roof, new garage door, water heater, pool resurface, yard redo, etc…our house is small 3 beds 2 baths. Our dream house is 5 beds 3 baths! I would have an office to work remote in! Here we will have to set up a small desk in my daughters room but it’s doable. I’m ready to take on full time again and let my husband be home a little more. So we have found the house, jobs, and possibility of a new business. Sadly, we have accumulated so much debt over the years and with my most recent illnesses we are in a hole. I was contacting my cards and keeping them in the loop with when my short term disability was supposed to pay me but they still cancelled 2 of my cards and my credit is in the toilet now. For years I had a 750-800 and now I’m below 500. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I can’t believe I got us in this mess. I’m just trying to be the best I can be but I’m always coming up short somewhere. My mental health over the last 9 years has really taken a toll. My abusive childhood has really come to light now that I have kids. I am proud that I am a good mother but I struggle privately . I am starting to do better though because I’m on meds to help me over this hump. I really feel moving us to Ohio will be the best thing for all of us. It’s like starting over in a way. I already told my disabled uncle he is welcome to live with us since we will have the room. The last 9 years have been hard but also wonderful. I know we will get out of this eventually. I never give up! My son was doing a puzzle the other day and he was having a hard time but he said, “Dudley’s never give up!” It’s so true. I just need some help to get over this hump and fulfill our dreams. I would say between the 2 of us we owe $150k in credit. I did it for my health and my kids. Now they are getting older and their immune systems are getting better. I found a job I can work sick! I hope this doesn’t sound ridiculous and irresponsible. I always try to do the best for my family. Thank you for reading my novella ;)