This is very difficult for me to write..and very long and difficult story to explain, there’s so much to my current situation but turning a long story short: I’m being kicked from my childhood home by my older sister.
Some of you may be wondering, “Why?” Now that’s good question…well apparently it’s because I’m not doing an adequate enough job at caring for our mother who has dementia. My mother was diagnosed with dementia near the of May 2021. But before she was diagnosed with having dementia, my mother started to act really different, she became withdrawed, she refused to leave the house and she would just spend all day, weeks on end laying on the couch. She stopped eating and drinking, she refused any food I gave her. She stopped caring for herself such as she stopped taking showers and brushing her teeth.
But let me explain a bit more in detail…In Mid-October of 2020, my mother tested positive for COVID, while at first we were really concern since during this time little was known about COVID still and this was happening during a COVID surge. Before COVID, my mother’s personality was strong-headed stern Christian women. I often told people she was a, “beat the Bible into into you,” kind of women. So after she caught COVID, she had a major personality change (As I mentioned in the paragraph above).
So naturally I was deep disturb by her behavior and tried everything to the best of my abilities to convince her to take care of herself. Shortly, later I realized that she was becoming weak and was losing lots of weight. And because of her not properly eating or drinking, she experienced her first fall. She hit her head badly and was very disoriented. I told her she needed to go to the hospital but she refused to. Sometime later, I had call her sister, my aunt, to see if she can convince her to go. After sometime she did allowed my aunt to take her to the ER to get checked out. It was there, I discovered that the reason she wasn’t eating or drinking was because she developed a paranoia of food and water and thought it was poison. And also, she had mentioned she didn’t want to be around anymore.
After this confession, she was flown to a behavioral facility for treatment. After sometime, there my mom was sent back and I remembered thinking she looked a bit better. But that was short lived because she continued on trying to avoid eating or drinking water. She even was trying to avoid taking her medications. Shortly after other weird behaviors started to arise. She started to have insomnia and wonder throughout the house, all day and night, muttering to herself, saying weird and sometimes alarming things. Not long after she started to go in and out of the house, all day and throughout the night. Then, she started to pick on my sister and I while we were asleep, by constantly call our names, coming over to us and pulling off our blankets and pillows. She would do that on weeks on end for 2 months. I remember being extremely sleep deprived. Then she started throwing things out. At first it was her things, then it was food, then household items such as dishes, tools, personal items, papers, etc) and then mine and my sister’s things.
At this time, I was so frustrated by things going on that I notified mental health and the hospital to see if anything can be done. Of course, there wasn’t anything to be done..because at that time still, my mother wasn’t diagnosed with dementia yet and she still had free-will to make her own decisions.
Things started to escalated again with my mom when she started banging on the windows and doors of my neighbors’ (which were my aunts) houses with rocks and yelling out their names. Once this started up, I started receiving complaints from my aunts and they express they don’t like that my mother comes over all hours of the night and making those noises. I expressed my sincere apologies to them and told them many times there’s nothing I can’t do, that she doesn’t listen to us. During that time too, I was struggling to get our mother to the hospital for her appointments to see what was wrong with her and she still refused to go.
Time goes on and the struggles of trying to help our mother was tiring and wearing down on my sister and I. Around this time we decided to outreach to our other older sister, who lived in Phoenix. We told her all that was happening and she let us know that she can’t really do much or visit because she was having a hard time getting off work. It was then I also informed her that it was probably best if someone does guardianship for mom and that I was already looking into doing it, especially since we had another sister living with us who was mentally incompetent and my mom was officially her guardian and it was decision through word-of-mouth by my mother that the older sister from Phoenix will be taking over for her incase anything happens. And the older sister agreed and seemed fine the decision.
Not long after this my mother had another fall, but this time it was different…she stated my sister pushed her. I remember being taken aback by this and asked my sister and she stated mom had woken her up, she just told her to stop picking on her and tried going back to sleep and then mom tripped and started to blame her for pushing her. Shortly after I took her to the ER, and I remember they asked her what happened and she said it was my sister. They asked me more questions but I told them I was asleep when it happened and didn’t see anything. I also told them my sister wasn’t the kind of person to do that. After some questioning with my mom, the hospital staff decided that my mom was having a paranoia of some kind and sent her home with us. Later on that day, she told the same story to her sisters and one of the sisters call social services. Social services came out and interviewed mom and she stated she’s fine and deemed no abuse was going on.
I remember asking my mom why was she lying about that and it’s a serious thing. She didn’t say much about that. Not long after she started lying about my sister and I, stating we’re not feeding her and wanting to hurt her. At this point, my mom was still trying to avoid eating or drinking water and when she did stated she hungry, she would try to throw the food out. So, to ensure she’s properly eating, we set up a feeding schedule in small intervals (1st meal at 9am, 2nd meal at 12 pm, 3rd meal at 3pm, 4th meal 6 pm). For the most part this worked. Of course we told the aunts, she’s eating and we make sure she eats but they continue to believe my mom over us. I informed social services again and let them know so we wouldn’t get in trouble again and it seemed like they understood.
So many things were coming to ahead shortly after, that it was decided my sister and I that maybe putting a boundaries or a bearer would help and allow us to get some sleep and also prevent her some throwing stuff away. The bearer was set in a way that she has access to her room and right across the hall is the laundry room and the only bathroom. That way she has easy access to go to the bathroom. Also, it’s connected to the door that has access to go outside. For a time we actually had to lock her in from the outside for her safety since she can’t wondering around the neighbors in the middle of the night while she’s a fall risk. However, her sisters didn’t like that we did this and filed more complaints but my mom’s therapist and social service were already aware of it. They just said as long as she has access to her basic needs such as food, water and bathroom it’s ok. We would always bring her in to eat on our side anyways cause she has to be monitored to make sure she’s eating and drinking.
All of these events were happening from around October 2020 to October 2021. But since November 2021 to now, our mom has gotten a bit better. She more open to attending her appointments, she’s eating better and she’s become like verbally abusive and mean. But even though things seem to have resolve a bit, my older sister from Phoenix still doesn’t want us there and she’s trying to kick us out. She also demanded to take over the guardianship for our mom and I obliged.
So I think it is time for my sister and I to leave. We’re just done with the constant fighting and not being treated like family. Also, another thing my sister and I founded out that were actually adopted. And it seems like since we found out, the sister from Phoenix and the rest of family dropped their facade of being nice to us. So we’re just gonna leave and unfortunately, I’ve been really low on funds for rent, after providing for years for my mom and sister. So I’m simply asking to continue my life and sister’s life elsewhere, away from this toxic family. I’m hoping to raise at least $4,000 to help with at least 3 months of rent and a deposit. But I would be extremely grateful to receive any amount. At this point, every little bit helps. Thanks everyone.
Cashapp – https://cash.app/$JillHosteen