Hello all,
I feel crazy trying to ask, and to be quite honest I don’t even know I where to begin. I’m down to my last everything, and the worst part is I should have been able to hold it all together, or at least that’s what I believe is expected of me. I suffer from bipolar, with phyzoid tendency, there are two that constantly criticize every thought and action I do, for two thirds of my life I functioned but hid them with alcohol and anything that would just mask it for onseers. But that wasn’t a way to live and people that’s tried to stay in my life are always like” what the fuck is going through your head!!!” Then let’s throw a chemical imbalance in there so I get manic and the Rollercoaster starts my looptyloop. Antidepressants only start the Rollercoaster over and mood stabilizers all make me just shy of drooling on myself….I’m trying to get help but without insurance I’m just a name and stamped folder in the system. But that’s not what I’m asking for help with. I met an amazing woman back in 2003 we are married. I finally told her after years of hiding my demons what I suffer from. Anyways this is really for her see we started a non-profit organization called “the dawg house foundation. This is her dream, I’m steadily getting worse but we keep trying to save but to no avail. She’s been door dashing, and ubering to make ends meet. She’s driving herself into the ground. Even so she still keeps telling me she loves me, and I keep saying “why?”she laughs it off but, it’s breaking my heart. I have a hard time with people and if things are real or just my head. I’m great with animals, art. I’m a welder by trade, so on my own I can all sorts of things the problem is having the money to start, but im in fear of her car is the bottom line. I do all the maintenance it’s the things all of us men do the “honey do list” but without some help her cars about to die and we will then out all the way around. She’s my rock, I’ve made my mistakes and I except it all, but letting her down will be too much, so I’m asking anything would be a blessing but please, think about it. When we can get “the dawg house foundation, ” actually moving it’s gonna change the world on so many levels. Her dream is a beautiful one, send a request and I’ll give more information in those regards. Thank you so much for you ti.e and consideration, I’ve been raised to never ask, but that delusion that I can do it all by myself, I can’t I need help, help to get on my feet, help to stop feeling so alone. I don’t have anyone to ask, but you…..