I’m feeling like I’m unable to provide for my children, and now I’m so distraught by all of the financial issues that I am fighting really hard not to give up. Here I am, begging for help to protect what pride I have left.
I’ve attempted to receive mortgage assistance from IHDA, got an approal for SNAP benefits in the amount of ~$90/month (myself, plus 3 children) , and have direct wage garnishments still taking place from a bankruptcy that was dismissed when my spouse wouldn’t give wage information to our attorney.
Here is a timeline of how this all happened:
Moved into house in 2017, stable home for family (3 children)
Spouse couldn’t get/keep jobs, forced to file Ch13 bankruptcy Fall of ‘18
- This included mortgage, auto loan on SUV, student loans, medical bills, etc
- All bankruptcy payments made by TFS Bill Pay, by my bank account
- My company was being bought out in winter of ’18, sought new job
- Covid came right after new construction sales job – couldn’t cover bankruptcy and all bills
- Spouse’s job statuses and spending habits never allowed bankruptcy/bills to get caught up, while I struggled to work extra for commissions
- Couldn’t maintain job at false-promised income, got job in I.T. (Jan ’21)
- Bankruptcy payments were now made by 100% wage garnishments (up to $1082/paycheck, every 2 weeks)
I held every to provide what I could, while spouse lived on social media from our bedroom, buying “needs” without my knowledge, which continuously put bills/maintenance/auto/car/necessities behind. Her reason was always “welllll we needed it and I don’t get paid for xx days”. But her paychecks also went to her own spending habits.
Never could catch up, and this caused further issues
Spouse requested open relationship in June of 2021, started becoming non-existent in household. I had to lie to my children and tell them Mommy was working late in order to hide the real truth (Let’s stick with “Exotic Dates”).
Still couldn’t qualif for SNAP benefits, as my income (plus $6k-$8k from spouse) was too much to gain assistance
Spouse moved out June 9 2022 , kept SUV as she was going to use income to buy new vehicle
Email sent to Ch13 attorney on June 16 (22) requesting split of wage orders, as I was at 100% (as opposed to spouse living freely, keeping the SUV that I was paying for, not being here for children, etc
- Attorney requested expenses/income in 8/22
- September 16, 2022 was first 50/50 wage garnishment
Sought support through employer in any way possible, was provided 6 therapy sessions in July of 2022, otherwise told to use PTO as needed
- First 2 sessions, therapist said I need to find more time for myself
- Stopped attending virtual sessions, can’t attend and parent simultaneously
Continued struggling with bankruptcy, bills, groceries, etc without spousal support
- Note: Spouse not supporting children whatsoever, besides being their “soccer coach” for a season
No time except to be single parent, plus work, cook, laundry, clean, etc
Sent email to Ch13 attorney on 7/25 requesting immediate help, as my health conditions were worsening (at 6’5 I weighed 154lbs. I was so depressed I couldn’t eat).
- No action, except requesting paystubs from spouse
Accidental Ch13 dismissal (9/14/22) resulted in false repossession of vehicle listed in bankruptcy
- Repossession on 1/30/23 , 2 days of PTO to regain possession
- Also resulted in foreclosure notices from mortgage lender (11/2022)
- Attorney stated “This can happen”, no big deal
Applied for SNAP benefits in June of 22 , approved in August for ~$70/month
- Covid emergency funds helped greatly, but bills all still behind during 100% wage garnishments and no help from children’s mother
Applied for IHDA mortgage assistance in November ’22 , keep getting ran around asking for more documents
Mental stress put me in the ER in Nov 2022
- prescibed anxiety medication
Received divorce summons in Jan 2023
- Responded, fee waiver issues with SNAP approval
Children informed me that their mother bought a new van, still no support for children
Covid Emergency SNAP payments ended in 2/2023
Bankruptcy dismissed in Feb 2023 due to lack of payments (my 50% was always made during the split)
- Can further be proven from NDC database
SUV repossessed, again, on 3/7
Now I’m lost. $12k behind on mortgage, SUV “cramdown” repossessed, feeling unable to support my family, and wage garnishments are still taking place. My mortgage was transferred/sold after Ch13 dismissal and I can’t make any payments due to “no account”. IHDA says I am a “Special Case” and my application cannot be processed normaly. They even said “In April, we could ask for more before it’s approed”.
I make just enough money to be disqualified from programs, yet my “spouse” is living freely without consequences, not supporting my children and still posessing the same spending habits.
My children seek their mother’s love and support, new shoes and clothing, school fees to be covered, etc. I am unable to support my own family anymore, and I don’t know what to do. It’s hard-enough attempting to calm my youngest (now 8) who cries herself to sleep a lot because of how much she misses Mommy. How can I work til 5p, get dinner made, ensure homework and showers are done, do laundry, clean up the afternoon/evening mess (can’t afford daycare, so kids roam the house without supervision from 3p-5p whil eI work in the bsaement)?
I am only one person, and I’m failing. My parents are out of town, my closest relative (sister) has her own issues to worry about, as does everyone else.
So what do I do while I wait for foreclosures, info on how to get personal belongings from my SUV, and what happens next? Lawsuit against Ch13 attorney? Consultations cost money. Lawsuit against auto loan company for repossession? Consultations cost money. Lawsuit against spouse for emotional distress, mental abuse, financial ruin, etc? Seems everything is for women’s rights, and doesn’t account for a lot of “sngle dads”. How do I continue the next few months without having a vehicle, substantial grocery money, and money for basic necessities? InstaCart costs too much, no extra-cirriculars for the kids?
Please help me. I’ve sent emails, called offices and left messages, and I can’t keep taking PTO to figure this out… I can’t lose this job in my great time of need.
I will provide proof of anything needed if allowed by this site, as this is the first time I’ve done anything like this.
