Hello. My name is Jocelyn. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
I’m 44 years old, my husband is 42, our son is 12, my mom is 83, and my dad is 75.
I’m not good at asking for help, I have no practice at it. However, I am desperate. We’ve gotten into a situation that we can’t quite break free from on our own, and we don’t know anyone in any position to help us.
I posted this in December, but apparently, my PayPal was messed up. I didn’t notice at first, and by the time I figured it out and fixed it, several weeks had passed, and the post had been buried. I thought I’d give it one more try.
In 2013, everything was going to plan. We (my husband, son, and I) had our own place, some savings, and were fully employed. My husband was working full-time in tech, and I was working full-time in corrections for the probation department while going to school full-time for my degree in criminology.
That winter, my husband’s car was stolen. He lost his job due to the lack of transportation, and because his work laptop was also stolen (high security job, it was in the car – he was on his way to work when it was stolen, he stopped for food and the car was gone when he came out of the restaurant). It took all of our savings to get through the last 6 months of the lease, bills, and to replace his vehicle, leaving us broke.
We moved in with my parents in 2014, and shortly after, my mom was hospitalized for several weeks with pneumonia. She never fully recovered and has required home care ever since.
My husband got a new job, and we started catching up on bills and saving to move out. However, things keep coming up.
My husband’s mom died in 2016, and all the expenses were left to us. There was no inheritance, insurance, benefits, or other family to help.
In 2017, I graduated with my Batchelor in criminology and continued working in probation.
My dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2018. Thankfully, it was fully removed, but it took a couple of years for him to recover properly (not fully, but well enough). However, this left him in need of home care as well.
In 2019, I left my job. Between providing home care for my parents, raising a child, and dealing with my own health issues (I’m epileptic), the stress was too much, and I couldn’t do it all.
We didn’t realize that my parents hadn’t been keeping up with their home maintenance. They (we) live in a 2 bedroom trailer home. Suddenly, everything literally started falling apart. First, we noticed a soft spot on the floor by the front door. It turned out to be rot, and a 3 foot by 4 foot section of floor needed replaced. During the repairs, we discovered a leak in the porch roof that was responsible for the floor damage. While needed, we couldn’t afford to fix the front door, as well.
Mom had a triple bypass on her heart in 2020. She’s doing well but is housebound now, except for doctors’ appointments, and her home care level increased significantly.
A water pipe in the bathroom burst, rendering the shower and toilet unusable without repairs. So we fixed what we could, as best we could.
Like many others, my husband lost his job in 2020. Thankfully, he found a new job in 2021.
I started doing independent contract work to bring in more money, but my availability is currently limited. My husband also started doing ride share on the weekends.
Our son was diagnosed with a.d.d. and a.s.d. in the summer of 2022. I scraped together the money to get the diagnosis. However, the therapy he needs costs $250 for intake and $130 per hr thereafter – we can’t currently afford that.
My mom’s cataracts got to the point where she could no longer see (not completely blind, but she can no longer read), and has spent the past year and a half going to appointments towards the goal of getting surgery to restore some of her vision. She is currently awaiting what is hopefully her last surgery, in a month or two. the surgery on her other eye was minimally effective but is also still healing. We’re hoping for better results with this last one.
The plugs on both sides of one wall (our bedroom/the bathroom) stopped working, but we couldn’t afford to fix it or have it looked at. Then we noticed the leaks in the ceiling. One in the bedroom, one in the bathroom, and one in the hall. We patched them as best we could ourselves.
The furnace and water heater went out this past summer, and we discovered that the water heater was where two of the ceiling leaks were coming from (bedroom/bathroom). We replaced the water heater, and my parents got approved by the city for LEAP (housing needs aid) to have the furnace replaced, but it will be at least February before anything can be done. We’ve been using a couple of portable radiators in the meantime. The bathroom sink has developed a leak… Every time I look around, there’s another issue that needs dealt with.
All my parents s.s.i. income currently goes to lot rent, utilities, medical bills, and some food. We pitch in on utilities, food, pay for their phone, the internet, and transportation. they have no other financial re/sources, which is why we’ve been paying for the repairs that come up.
After much searching, we finally found a retirement community my parents can afford on their s.s.i. and that meets their needs: medical staff, appointment arrangements, transportation, meal services, etc… Getting my parents into the assisted living residence would mean I would be available to work full time again, and we wouldn’t need to cover bills for them as things like phone, cable, internet, utilities, etc… would be included with the new accommodations. They also won’t be responsible for any upkeep or maintenance.
We need to secure our own place before we can relocate my parents, as we can’t afford to be here without them. We’d be making ourselves instantly homeless. We can’t save up down-payment and moving costs when we keep having to repair things that can’t wait. We’re stuck in a loop. Limping along a lost cause, in hopes that we get a long enough stretch of no repair expenses to get out. But, the repairs keep coming up faster than we can save, and closer together, the longer we go.
This home will not be able to be sold after we move out. It’s too old and has too much (major) damage. We’ll actually need to pay to have it removed unless we can find someone who will remove it in trade for the scrap material they can salvage from it.
I get nervous any time someone comes to repair anything, that they’ll say it violates codes, is too far gone, and we have to vacate immediately.
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Our financial situation:
We qualify for and use medicaid, but make a few hundred dollars a month too much to receive any other aid.
Currently, we bring in $5000+/- a month. ~ That will increase when I have more availability (I am no longer caretaking). I will be able to work full-time again.
We currently have $76,500 in debt (not counting my student loans ~ $52,000).
me:
$4500 loan to fix my car (catalytic converter and a couple of other issues)
$1400 dentist bill
$600 credit card used to get clothes and school supplies
husband:
$50,000 loans (3) (car, repairs, bills, etc…)
$20,000 credit cards (2) (repairs, bills, etc…)
We pay $2,600 a month towards this debt.
We currently have the following bills: phones, internet, car insurance, food, gas
We pay $2000+/- a month towards these bills.
income: $5,000 — payments: $4,600+/-
This leaves around $400+/- a month left over.
Our assets: Our cars (2). Worth about $15,000, together.
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The boost we desperately need:
$10-15k = pay down some debt and have more stable grounds to work from. Deposit on a place, moving costs, start our son in therapy, and a small emergency fund. Things would be tight but manageable.
Anything would help. $15,000 would be life changing. $30,000 + would be an absolute blessing. $76,000 would eliminate all debt except my student loans. $126,000 would be a clean slate.
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We were doing good, then one thing after another came up, and while we were keeping afloat for a while, we’re starting to go under in a way I can see completely sinking us. At the same time, we might be able to file for bankruptcy and scrape together enough to get out… Anything wrong with this home could go irreparably wrong, at any time, leaving us on the streets if it does, and further crippling our efforts. Winter is getting into full swing (Colorado), making it more likely that something else will reach its breaking point and that it would render the home uninhabitable is more likely than not. If it is repairable is the ongoing gamble.
We need out of here. This home is an albatross. We need a boost. If we could get our feet on solid ground, we’d be okay. We just can’t quite get out of the pit fast enough alone. My son needs out of here. There is not enough room in this place for him (or any of us) to have privacy. There’s not enough room for him to have friends over. My parents need out of here. The assisted living residence is so much better accommodated for their needs, and the staff is far more experienced than I am. I don’t believe we have the time to save up. At this point, I think we’re just going to repeat the cycle until the final emergency completes the enviable crash. We went from okay to maintaining, but now we’re sinking. We need help. Before we drown. Please.
Again, thank you for taking the time to read this and for any help you might be able to give us.
Thank you. XOXO
paypal.me/dirtsa82