Hello, and thank you for taking the time to read about my situation.
I met my partner 7 years ago. Looking back, I feel almost ashamed for not seeing the obvious red flags from the start but I grew up in a dysfunctional family system without a father and an abusive mother, so I don’t think I really knew what red flags to even look for. I just wanted to feel loved and find someone to build a life with that would be completely different from the home I grew up in. I had no idea what “love bombing” was. I just became filled with all these wonderful feelings and believed that the happiness I had yearned for most of my life was finally becoming a reality instead of just a constant daydream or fantasy. Nobody had ever complimented me like he did. It felt like every word he spoke was the most beautiful poetry. I felt validation.. something I secretly felt a desperation for. Not only did I feel validated, I felt special. He convinced me that he fell in love with me at first sight. I foolishly believed him. He was constantly wanting to know everything about my life.. where I was, who was I with, when will I be back.. Yes, I actually moved in after only knowing him for less than 2 weeks. I was naive but looking back, I can admit that I started doing mental gymnastics to justify things that were at the very least, inappropriate. The manipulation turned into emotional and verbal abuse very quickly. Growing up in a family where abuse was constant, It was a familiar enough not to scare me away. I believed that’s just a part of all relationships and not uncommon. I didn’t have many friends and my bother lives somewhere in Colorado on drugs and my Mother is in a state funded group home. I found out my Father passed away by researching my last name online and I saw his obituary from 3 years prior. It was not difficult to isolate me, I always felt like an introverted loner.. so when this “AMAZING AND ONCE IN A LIFETIME” job offer was made and we moved to the other side of the country, I had no idea what was in store for me. The amazing job turned out to be nothing what I believed it would be… mostly because it was embellished so much that I now see it was a lie. He had family there.. a loving, ideal family that would embrace me as if I was related to them. Another Lie.. only this lie started to open my eyes to the painful reality that I somehow wound up worse than before I met him. He began drinking. Then the physical abuse started to get worse and worse. His Mother also an alcoholic seemed to hate me upon our first time meeting. She knew he was physically abusing me and she never once helped. I forgive her though… because both her son and her boyfriend abused her too. I was in an extremely rural area, I spent years in absolute hell. I believe it was divine intervention when I found a wounded stray dog. He became my baby and my only companion. I know it sounds crazy but I don’t know If I would have taken my own life if it wasn’t for my beloved canine companion. He was the only source of love and connection I had for years. I wasn’t allowed a phone, “it wasn’t in the budget”, but when the boyfriend of my abuser’s mother found out that the library that was about 30 minutes away from our trailer had dvd’s you could rent for free, I was allowed to go with him. I made a facebook page and connected with a few friends from middle school. One friend, a boy who had a crush on me but I was only interested in a platonic friendship with him, started to message me and i started to tell him little by little about how close I was to losing all hope. It honestly felt like a action movie, the way we planned my escape with my best friend, my dog. without a phone and living in such a rural area made things so incredibly difficult. My poor baby and I walked for what felt like an eternity to meet at a Mcdonalds. I told my abuser and his family I was going on a walk so I could not take hardly any belongings, and I did not care. My childhood friend, I’ll call him Tom was coming to rescue me and my dog and I could live “happily ever after”. I cringe as I think about how I still had “magical thinking” and unrealistic expectations. Tom promised me he did not ant anything from me except to help me escape the hell I was in and live a normal life, get a job and get my own place.. and maybe do some housekeeping which I was more than happy to do. I remember him telling me before the big rescue was finalized that he was not interested in anthing but a platonic friendship and that he would never expect any “creeper” stuff (sex). It was on the third day when I woke up on the couch to him touching my private parts and I froze up and pretended I was asleep. I was starting to believe I somehow wound up in a worse predicament. It’s been 3 weeks and the atmosphere is so uncomfortable. Every day I am touched or invited to join him in “bed”. Now I am being guilt tripped.. I have job interviews coming up but I am honestly considering living on the streets. I have called EVERY shelter, catholic family charity and united way number I could find in my current city, There are no options that would let me keep my dog.. and abandoning him is out of the question. I could never even think of doing that to my closest companion… he’s just as attached to me as I am him. I am at the point of considering prostitution which is a devastating thought, so I can save up enough to buy an old motor home. I dont care how old or beat up it is, as long as it runs.. and that is what I am praying for… That someone who either has an old rv that is just taking up space might graciously donate it to me or that maybe those who are blessed financially enough that they could help me by donating me enough money to buy a older, used rv so that my precious companion and I can find some much needed peace. I can’t find the right word to describe how badly I just want a peaceful life. I posted on craigslist asking if anyone would sell me thier old RV at a higher price than it’s value if I could make payments and that only after all payments were made on time, the title would be given to me. The only responses I got back were from people, all men except for one couple, who offered to take me in.. and it’s not that I do not greatly appreciate such kind offers, my trust issues just are not healed enough to try a situation like that right now. Again, I am so very grateful to whoever winds up reading this.
I am concerned about my abuser having access to my old paypal account but I do have a cashapp account that I feel confident he is unaware of, The Cashapp tag is
$rebelvampstl