I lost my only son on 2/1/23. He was 22 years old. He had a rough upbringing. He suffered from abuse, which was unbeknownst to me until he was almost 10 years old. Due to this, we had a strained relationship for many of his teenage years. He used drugs and went down an rough road for quite a while. Eventually, he got tired of the struggle and found the desire to carve out a brighter path. As he re-built his life, we reconnected and re-built our relationship. We were in a good place and I had so much hope for his future. He was engaged to be married. His fiancé cheated on him and broke his heart. He turned back to drugs for one night and, unfortunately, he was a victim of fentanyl poisoning. He overdosed and the paramedics were unable to revive him. To say my heart is broken is a gross understatement. After the struggles he endured and the massive strides forward he made to get on the right track, he didn’t deserve this. I can’t make sense of it. It doesn’t seem real. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that he is gone. I had a service for him and I have his ashes. Logically, I know it’s real, but it’s almost as if I’m waiting for someone to tell me it was a cruel joke, or that I’ll wake up and realize this is only a nightmare.
In the first few months after his death, I didn’t think I was going to survive. Some days, I’m not 100% certain that I want to, however, I am 100% certain that I can’t put the rest of my family through the same thing that I am experiencing. There are no words in existence to adequately describe it. All I can say is that it’s an unfathomable, dark experience, from which there is no escape, that I pray you have no frame of reference for.
I arrived on this site and I’m sharing these things with you because I have lost everything since my sons death. My grief ended my relationship with my partner. I lost my home. I closed my massage practice. I’m currently living with family and working 5-10 hours remotely for a friends company. I am looking for more remote work although I truly don’t know how useful I am during this time period. I don’t know how to crawl out of this hole and make life work, but I know I have to try. It’s time. I will never get over this. It will never be fixed. I have to get up, take the first step into the unknown, and start rebuilding my life. I’m in desperate need of a lifeline. I’m at the lowest I’ve ever been. I am grateful for any assistance you can send my way to https://paypal.me/VilomahAJP?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US. If nothing else, please pray for my heart, or send loving vibes in my direction. Thank you for taking the time to read this.