Dear benefactor,
This year 2023 has been the most challenging of my life, which was already very complicated.
This year, I (female) turned 31. I lost my husband of nearly 10 years, along with the house we lived in and had plans to start a family in the coming months.
I invested a lot of money in the house that I had bought with my ex to make it more comfortable. Unfortunately, we had only owned it for 2 years, and I lost a significant amount of money when I sold him my share of the house, not being reimbursed for all the money invested. I can’t blame him for no longer loving me and wanting to find happiness elsewhere. It’s good to have that hope for his life, even though things could have been handled better for me. I’m almost grateful for being left without having a child to take care of on top of this. I have also gained experience, mental strength, and self-confidence after battling a severe depression with all my might.
Despite everything, I had to return to the family home that I had fled due to constant physical and verbal abuse throughout my childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood, due to a lack of money to get my own apartment. This household was violent, and I was raised to serve and be silent. Besides the daily insults about being a failure, single without kids at my age, who converted to christianity, who only brought debts home and regular humiliating slaps, I am occasionally beaten with a belt. A few months ago, it was my father – the buckle side – on the eve of starting a new job to try to regain financial stability. I had dared to ask him to stop yelling that he wanted to see my pregnant sister crawling at his feet in the mud or the sudden death of her baby, all because of a traditional outfit incorrectly worn at her wedding.
My uncle also lives under the same roof, uses drugs, and often brings in men, sometimes prostitutes, to do drugs with him when my father is not at home. Not to mention the contaminated syringes lying around everywhere and sometimes in my belongings, leading to situations of extreme violence where I had to take him, bloodied, to the emergency room, putting me in danger as well. I don’t know by what miracle these men haven’t laid a hand on me during these confrontations. Maybe God is finally a little bit with me after all.
I decided to put a lock on my bedroom door to ensure some safety and privacy, unfortunately, it was forced when one of them decided to search my room to take some of my belongings.
My mother, a cleaning lady who left home when my sister and I were late teenagers, is unable to help me financially or provide me with accommodation. She prays every day for a miracle to happen that would allow me to get out of this situation.
I’m not telling everything, I can’t. The situation is so surreal, and the events I’m experiencing are so unbelievable that I thought about pitching a scenario to Netflix. I can’t take it anymore. Every day brings a new problem on top of the previous ones, and I can’t talk to anyone about it without bringing suspicion that I’m lying to attract pity/attention. If only I could be without a story, boring, how beautiful it would be to have that peace.
The only things I own are my cat and my car. Even the computer from which I am writing to you belongs to my job. I thought about selling my car, but I really need it to go to work, and honestly, I can’t take away the minimal comfort I have left…
I was quite good at school and completed the normal curriculum. I have always worked, from part-time jobs at the age of 16 to entering the workforce at 21. I work hard and am recognized as someone people can rely on both at work and in private life. I don’t use drugs, and I also volunteer for a local association that takes care of stray cats.
I am far from perfect, even though I try every day to be a good and better person. Unfortunately, I stopped university because I preferred to work for money and leave home, when a little more patience would have allowed me to have a job with better pay today. I didn’t save money, and it took me a long time to reach a certain level of maturity that would have helped me not be in this situation today. I don’t want to be a whiner; I want to get out of this. I don’t want to be seen as a victim.
I even feel a lot of pity for my father, whom I know is very unhappy and very frustrated, unable to envision life without hatred and anger, unable to feel responsible, like a lost child. I am unhappy for my uncle, sick and feeling like he has accomplished nothing in his life, fallen so low even though he has always been upright and just in the past. I am so sad that Mom feels powerless but glad she is far from all this nevertheless. And I am so afraid that if anything happens to my sister or her baby, my father will be somehow responsible, and I haven’t been able to calm the situation…
Life is not black and white; I have also had good moments with each of the people mentioned above. But the traumatic and bad memories always take over, and it’s impossible for me to project into the future with serenity. I feel like I am hopeless, and abandonned. No one encourages me, even though I feel like I’m devoted to my father and uncle despite all of this.
I even feel guilty to not have the courage to stay and help them. But I also realize that they need to want to get help first, and that I need to take care of myself before being able to help them.
I know what I want in life now: peace. I want to move forward and finally imagine that I have the right to devote myself to my cat and me. And who knows, find someone who’ll love me despite all of this.
If anyone has the heart to help me financially to get out of this, or even a kind encouraging word, or wise advice, I would be eternally grateful.
Thank you for reading, for giving me a bit of attention.
PS: I can provide police reports or any other document attesting to my situation if needed.
https://paypal.me/sorayaela?country.x=FR&locale.x=fr_FR