Hello all. Let me start by stating that I am truly grateful to be alive, and view life drastically different from how I ever have before.
These past six years of my life have felt like an endless obstacle course: Helping my sister provide care for our terminally ill mama and watching her wither away before our very own eyes; losing our dear mama angel to an evil, relentless cancer (brain cancer- Glioblastoma); watching our father fade into a deep alcoholism, leading him into a rushed new marriage (2 months after losing mom) and heightened narcissistic abusive behavior; suffering from the ongoing verbal and emotional abuse, resulting in my own health issues; unexpectedly losing my former boyfriend/ best friend/ soul mate; losing my favorite and last standing maternal uncle to COVID; and just when I least expected it, my health spiraled out of control. I initially underwent an abdominal myomectomy for fibroid tumors during my mama’s cancer treatments in 2016; then again in 2019. After continued ER visits and various tests, I was referred to a GI specialist and a fibroid specialist. Due to the backlog of doctors appointments since COVID, the soonest possible date for me to schedule was a few months away. During my virtual visits with these specialists, my symptoms were dismissed and I was referred to more specialists.
Eventually, my condition only worsened, to the point that I went to the ER on a busy Tuesday, in March 2022, right before sunrise. I was admitted for five days; after draining fluid from my swollen abdomen and running a battery of tests, the doctors finally found the source from my abdominal CT scan. I was told that I had ovarian cancer, which had spread to all surrounding tissues/ organs; I was immediately scheduled for surgery (radical hysterectomy) the following month.
Throughout my recovery (surgery; occupational and physical therapy; chemotherapy), my sister and I were faced with the fact that we could no longer live in our apartment, as my illness hindered my ability to work and therefore help with generating income and handling arrears. A month after my surgery, our landlord had eviction papers served to our home. Around the time period that I started chemo, I had started attending virtual court hearings for that situation, as my name was on the lease with our father. He had fled some time ago, falling months behind on rent without telling us, and no longer communicating with the landlord. Eventually, I was able to acquire rental assistance that I had applied for months prior to the eviction; our landlord declined, as the amount totaled slightly less than what he demanded. After going to trial and representing myself, it was agreed that my sister and I would have to move out by October 31, 2022. This was the month following my final chemo treatment.
Unfortunately, we haven’t secured housing ever since. We’ve been staying back and forth at relatives’ homes; hotels; and Airbnbs.
I’m reaching out because we’re dealing with a major crisis; we’ve proactively contacted countless sources for the past year, and even my hospital care coordinator has referred me to multiple housing agencies, yet I haven’t yet heard from anyone. I even registered with the homelessness coordinated entry program in February 2023, and have reached out to many affordable housing listings, yet oftentimes don’t qualify due to our limited income (Social Security/ disability benefits). Furthermore, our applications have been declined because our credit reports are currently less than ideal, due to our struggles with handling arrears in a timely manner during my illness. All of this has taken a toll on us; my ovarian cancer has returned since April 2023. We’re terrified, as the place where we currently dwell, at our cousin’s home, consists of five adults crammed into a two bedroom apartment. At this time, one of them is recovering from being ill with Hepatitis A.
My doctors have decided to put me on chemo infusion treatments again, and I’ve decided to hold off right now, because I know it’ll once again destroy my body, and I’m already malnourished, underweight, and stressed. Furthermore, my sister and I are having difficulty affording food, supplements, and paying bills, while also providing monthly payouts that our cousin demands from us. Needless to say, it’s been impossible to save funds for our new home. Our current dwelling is in no way fit for my battle. I need to have a healthy space in order to have a fighting chance.
We really don’t know what else to do and I’m beyond exhausted on so many levels. I’m 38 years old; I look and feel like I’ve aged far beyond my years and appear emaciated; the removal of my entire reproductive system immediately caused my surgical menopause. I will never be able to have children of my own, nor have a future with my now deceased soul mate. My sister and I have been living out of a few bags for the past year, as most of our belongings (and therefore our lives) are in storage. We’ve been rotating the same few clothing items for the entire year. I feel like I exist on a completely different planet from my friends; sometimes it feels like they’ve moved on from me and my “baggage.” All of the loss and trauma has sucked the life force out of me; I feel so stuck. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get the opportunity to return to living my own life, as I look forward to new beginnings and creative ventures. Yet, no matter what I do, I can’t make any continued progress.
I believe that progress begins with having a safe space, a home of our own. This could be achieved by even finding a property owner who can look beyond our recent credit troubles and give us a chance to start anew. Or, receiving financial help with the necessary funds to secure an apartment; most landlords are now requiring several months to a full year of rental payments up front, if your credit report is unfavorable. Unfortunately, we don’t have someone to co-sign for us. Also, we haven’t been able to put aside and save money, because the remaining money (after paying bills, food, etc.) was diligently paid to our cousin each month.
It’s been difficult for us to even maintain an adequate supply of our food items, due to the continued rise in food costs; because I can’t afford to eat less, more money has been put towards food. We desire being in our safe space this holiday season, maybe even doing some cooking and/or baking if we’re feeling up to it. Even better, being able to celebrate back to back holidays- our dear mama’s birthday and Thanksgiving!
Thank you to those who have provided me with an opportunity to speak my truth, and a safe space to share my experiences. Your validation is truly appreciated, as well as your time and efforts to help.
My Pay Pal link is:
Love and Light,
M