I guess I should start from the beginning when I explain how it got into the situation. My childhood was pretty rough to begin with both my parents were addicts and alcoholics and I was the middle of three children and was the only one diagnosed with ADHD and as you can imagine this did not help my relationship with either my parents or teachers. Tragedy came early when I was 15 playing hooky with my brother who was 17 and my best friend. On that day he decided to take his life in doing he changed mine in ways I I was not prepared for and never could have been.
This is when my substance abuse started as my father introduced me to alcohol marijuana and eventually cocaine. Ironically even though I was working two jobs on my summer vacation and paying for my own summer school because of lack of attendance in one class mostly due to the fallout of my brother’s actions and my mental health; I still managed to use daily and in doing so spend all the money I had on trying to escape reality. When my father demanded some money from me and I refused I was punched in the face and that’s when I left the house.
I jumped from friends house to friends house and when the school year started I went back to my senior year to get my diploma, but ironically enough the man that introduced me to the things destroying my life hired professional kidnappers to take me to a lockdown facility I wish I’d never had step foot into. The facility was abusive and the hardest things I’ve had to endure myself, and it has significantly affected my mental health. I spent two years and 9 months in what I thought was going to be a never-ending hell but my family was convinced that it was the best thing for me.
After going through that when I was free I work for a little while in a restaurant and then decided to join the army in 2008 as after going through all that I had already it seemed like it couldn’t be that bad.
I enlisted as a combat engineer and after basic training was stationed in Germany and 3 months later deployed to Iraq for 15 months.
I loved the military and took every opportunity to advance my knowledge and technical skills offered completing sapper leader course, as well as many other engineer courses.
I was deployed to Afghanistan next for 12 months where I sustained minor injuries, multiple concussions, engaged in intense firefights while conducting IED detection and clearance operations.
Upon returning to Germany my son was born and soon I had a daughter on the way. I was deployed back to Afghanistan for 13 more months when I was medevaced to ramstein for medical treatment and then sent the states to complete my med board from the army.
It was my wife and my plan to move to the states but she I wouldn’t see her for another year and a half. When she did arrive after having all of our household goods shipped to the states she decided she wanted to move back to Germany immediately so I dropped everything and went with her and my children.
It took some time to acclimate to Germany on the civilian side and financially reestablish our living situation but once that was done I encouraged my now ex-wife to return to work and I was to stay at home Dad or Manny if you will and it was the most proud I have ever been of myself. Those two are my world.
Unfortunately the marriage fell apart and we separated. There are many situations that are unbelievable and unforgivable that I suffered through during this time that I could reference but it seems unnecessary. A couple months after being awarded 50% custody in court I was wrongly arrested when a 16-year-old boy said I threw a hammer at him one evening when I was actually just walking to the train station after one of my self employed handyman jobs. There were nine police standing outside of McDonald’s when I walked out with the burger I bought for dinner, and as soon as they saw me most of them through their sidearms. I tried to explain to them that I hadn’t thrown any hammer although I had a bag of tools and was holding 8 pound sledgehammer but they told me they didn’t believe me and took me directly to the police station and then jail. On the ride there a detective got into the vehicle and started asking me questions in which I accidentally incriminated myself in a cold case murder by admitting I was in a different city around 2 years prior (even though I stated that I was trick or treating with my children and another veteran friend of mine with his children).
I spent the next 3 months in forensics admission level H(the worst of violent/insane criminal detention stages) with no contact to the outside world besides my lawyer and bank so I could pay my bills . When they released me, about 90 days later I was so happy to finally go home and couldn’t wait to talk to my kids and was eager to tend my aquariums and sleep in my own bed . Well I couldn’t call anyone because with the investigation they had taken my phone as evidence, so I had no one’s number and only knew where a few people lived. I walked to the train station and when I got back to my and my children’s home city I went directly to my ex- wifes and kids, I couldn’t wait to tell them how crazy it had all been and how happy I was to see them. When I got to the name on the door bell wasn’t the same, I couldn’t believe they had moved out.
Upset and feeling hopeless with no phone I tried to reassure myself at least I had some cartoons to watch some fish that would be happy to see me and a nice bed to sleep in, so I thought. I wish I had a phone to take a picture at that moment because it’s hard to picture or at least it doesn’t do the scene justice to explain it. It was horrible. I was later told that 3 forensic groups and bomb squad had come through my apartment. It looked like a bomb went off in my apartment. Every single possession , thing, object I had was on the floor sofa or bed Making walking without trampling something impossible . Many of my fish had been dead in each of my aquariums and the smell was awful from the rotten food in the kitchen. I knew I had to start cleaning up and thought it would be nice to hear some of the music I like while I do it , and went to get my laptop I couldn’t find it along with all my tools, kitchen knives, shoes and a good portion of my clothes which looked like they had been ripped out of the wardrobe by an animal. The pictures had been knocked off the walls and I didn’t even have a place to sit down and take it all in because every surface was once again covered in more of my stuff. I would spend the next 10 hours cleaning in silence.
I was found innocent a year later in the first court hearing and a month after that had to go to another hearing and I was basically charged with a carelessness charge due to being intoxicated, received all the things mentioned before back, most importantly being my laptop so I could once again use online banking because my account was locked to the computer. My bills were unpaid. I acquired late fees for bills I didn’t recognize the bank code too during this fresh out of forensics time. I contacted child protective services trying to find out where my kids were now living and was told they cant give me that information, due to privacy rights. I tried many times to make an appointment with my wife to explain what happened but all were rejected. Or she would schedule one and not show up leaving me enraged and feeling hopeless.
I was lost with no purpose and it felt like the world was against me. I started drinking heavily and got back into drugs and found myself assimilating into the wrong crowd. The people who I invited into my life were not a positive addition but they did teach me some hard lessons about not being so gullible and the fact some people can be unimaginably unsympathetic and self serving scoundrels who wouldn’t return any act of kindness regardless of how much you did for them before hand.
I did end up meeting a half American half German girl during this time though and she really had me by the heartstrings. I finally met someone who I could connect with and communicate with and not have a barrier because of my poor German or my accent making my English difficult to understand. Unfortunately she is also an addict and that only caused my situation to deteriorate more quickly but I only see this now, after the rose colored glasses have been set down and the clarity of hindsight in my favor.
To support our habits we turned to crime theft specifically, shopping centers and Ebikes, which would end up getting me back in jail, but at least this time it wasn’t the criminally insane prison. I not only admitted to some of the thefts when interrogated after getting caught stealing an e bike from a bicycle rack I told them that I sold the Ebike for my drug and alcohol habit . I accepted my sentence of 6 months and was released in 3 months on probation.
A few weeks later I was raided at 4am. I was going outside to lock the front gate and as soon as I got to the door the SWAT team ripped my door open with a tool and threw a flash bang grenade at my feet. The next thing I know I’m looking down the barrel of a gun and getting zip tie handcuffed laying on my stomach and all my neighbors are coming out to figure out what’s going on. They would inform me that they were looking for the counterfeit money and I just started laughing. They destroyed my apartment, found nothing but a very small amount of drugs, once again took my laptop phone a bunch of tools and anything that they determined might be linked to some crime or another or just to get back at me for laughing. They put me in shackles and handcuffs marched me out in front of my landlord and neighbors and brought me to the police station where they kept me in a cell for 6 -8 hours and then released me because they had found nothing they could keep me for. I walked back to my apartment which was in ruin once again. I never received compensation had to fix the door and eventually was evicted from their because of all the commotion which I understood but it wasn’t even something that I had done.
The eviction was at a bad time because my residence permit was expired and my now ex-wife had stolen my passport birth certificate and other documents during the time when we separated so I was unable to renew the residential permit. This ment that I had to rent a storage container and live out of it.
My girlfriend and I were also having relationship issues both being unloyal to the other at some point which didn’t help matters. After 2 months in the storage container she had been stealing e bikes (I gave that activity up after my last stint in jail) and storing them inside. I still to this day don’t know if she was intentionally setting me up out of anger or something or it was just bad luck when the police showed up that night. Her and I were both there and I hadn’t stolen any of the bikes and although I wouldn’t throw her under the bus , it didn’t seem like the mentality was the same between us. She took no responsibility and I was the one to go to jail. Again.
She didn’t mail me for the first 2 months. When we finally reconnected it seemed like she was hiding something. I died inside when a “friend” I knew from before ended up inside and told me she was cheating on me with someone who I introduced her to. She swore it wasn’t going on and she said she was off drugs. Neither of these things turned out to be true. After taking her punishment for 9 months I was told the truth to a few of the lies, but the ones I was already sure of and asked almost every day with the following statement that I would forgive it if she would admit it but I had to know that I could trust her. She stayed with the lie.
I got a plea deal that would have both of us to attend a 6 month inpatient rehab together, which was very expensive, lawyers are expensive in every country apparently and we had even gotten dates to arrive after a visit. I was looking forward to it, I was trying to not return to using when I was released but it was just to much to watch her use and lie to me about it and try to hide it. I figured once we got into the program she could get the help and I would get back on the wagon.
I ended up taking out a $25000 loan from my bank and invested some of the money into her mother’s house where we stayed then And even bought new ebikes so the temptation to steal wouldn’t be a problem . Then my divorce finalized, and it was only 2 weeks later I was mailed a letter that I had 2 weeks to leave Germany on my own accord or they would come make me leave. I was being deported and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. That was when she decided to admit that she was with another while I was in jail.
Naturally I was hurt and didn’t know what to do with any of this information. I kind of went off the deep end and began using heavily without thinking about the future. She told me she couldn’t come to the states with me. I told her I understood.
I let my family know I was going to be returning. The past 10 years I had so many emails from them about how much they missed me and wished I was in the states. After a missed flight. Tickets that didn’t get refunded and alot of tears and feelings of being used cheated and worthless, I made it to the USA again. Only my mother would have contact with me at first, I would go to see my father who was unhappy when I left 10 years prior and had not spoken too me in the past 8 years or so. I had stored all my household goods and property that we left behind on the way over there and I had a tent that I planned on living in. I soon found out he had sold off, given away or thrown out everything of mine. Including military documents, awards, medals and things I had sentimental attachment to. And that he wanted nothing to do with me.
I spent the next year basically trying to find a place to settle in, but with my life completely in ruin and massive debt and nothing from the past besides a backpack full of clothes and whatever else I brought was quickly stolen by people I knew from high school pretending to be friends or unknown people while I slept in random locations.
My German girlfriend called. She said she changed her mind but it would take time. I didn’t believe her but I hoped it was true.
I was just unable to find a way to get myself back on track with no stability or anything to work towards. It was hard to believe that it was worth the effort. It would just get taken away again, in my mind at least.
I eventually got in contact with the VA and spent some time in the psych ward. I got on medication but it took time. They convinced me to go to a 6 week therapy/rehabilitation program in another state, which was a huge change. It was a big part of my turn around but I would still find myself struggling afterwards.
Living in a tent in another state (New England) in September and December was rough and I had relapsed. But I still kept up hope for the girl in Germany and we communicated frequently but I still never believed she would show up. I assumed she was just trying to get me to send money or have me humiliated for one reason or another.
After finding out I had been waiting for PTSD therapy for 2 months in the woods and they somehow didn’t have me on the list , I returned to state I was initially and admitted myself back into the psych ward for Christmas and new years. I then went to a different treatment center for my addiction and got back on the right path.
I ended up buying a camper from some people who took advantage of my kindness and situation (also my ignorance on the camper market) and I did everything I could to get it ready for her arrival. I also tried to help a fellow veteran by co-signing on a truck with him and even paying the down payment on the condition that he would pick up payments and help me move the camper. He did neither of those conditions and took off with the truck and my credit score.
When she did come it was magic. Finally something good to happen in my life and she she said she wanted to be sober too. I was so happy and excited that I was wrong about everything and the person I am closest to came back into my life.
The camper situation turned into us renting to live in the thing I overpayed for, and eventually relapse for both of us because the temptation was the at the landlords/toilet /where the electricity came from.
After a few months of being treated like trash and getting guilt tripped and manipulated to pay more then we could afford to have the broken small unmovable roof over our heads we went to my social worker at the VA for help and abandoned the camper to move to the hotel we now are residing in as soon as we learned about the option that wouldn’t be possible without economic services help. We have a clean slate in another city far from the drama we had to endure to have each other and are sober and looking for work. We are hopeful and truly working on our relationship, sobriety and overall wellbeing.
I am drowning in debt and I have no car, no job at the moment and my VA benefits have been garnished because of a clerical error where they overpaid me for 11 years and now need $24000 back. I don’t know what else to do so I submit my situation and plea to you for financial aid and I hope and pray to God that someone comes to my rescue and restores my faith in humanity as well helps me find a way out of this hole. My cash app tag is $PaulMcPhetres88
God bless you and thank you for considering helping those whom you do not know.