Hello there and thank you for reading my message .
My life has been dismantled by my (now) ex partner.
I rescued ‘J’ from an horrendous 27 year abusive marriage in 2013 and we started a wonderful life together. I found us a narrowboat to live in, (I had some inheritance money which I used to buy this) and all was fine for a while. After chugging around on the inland canals of England for a while we settled in a marina where we both got ourselves a job there. I refuelled customer’s boats, was the groundsman, i did office stuff and maintenance stuff etc. I loved it. 2 minutes walk to work, customer focused , outdoors… I was living the dream. There was 1 colleague (M) there who disliked me intensely, him- alpha male, ex serviceman, self proclaimed sex god and the worlds greatest harbourmaster. You get the type. Me, I’m a little introverted sigma male with differing political and social beliefs. The boss loved him. Another alpha male, privately educated and loyal to M.
I had 2 health related issues before this.
In 2018 I got sciatica again. I was bedridden for 3 months and in agony for most of that time . I couldn’t stand upright for 2 and a half months. It was a work related thing so I got a job delivering groceries for a supermarket. After being there for a few months I was diagnosed with a rare (to the UK) cancer. The treatment for Nasopharangeal cancer involved both radiotherapy and chemotherapy. I’m thankfully all clear now.
However, J’s attitude towards me changed after the health issues. I put it down to the menopause and just thought that it would be rocky for a while and things would improve.
What I did not know at the time was that she is a narcissist.
She didn’t like me having any attention and started to make life really difficult for me. Constant criticism, little digs, every idea or suggestion was rubbish, it was soul destroying.
After 18 months of living and working at the marina i was asked to do the company a favour.
Would i go to a sister marina for a couple of months to help out as there were 2 people on extended absence from work. 1 had a shoulder injury and the other was in dispute with the company and refused to work citing mental health issues .
I agreed and now I had a 23 mile commute to and from work which added an hour to my work day. I had to pay extra for my car insurance as I was now using my vehicle for the journey to and from site.
I asked about the additional expenses incurred to me and was just fobbed off with ‘yeah, we’ll sort it out’ but nothing happened. After 3 months I was summoned to the office and was told that I would be permanently based at other marinas and I would not ever work at the site where I live. My role had been replaced by a lass that just started with the company. This news devastated me and I spun into a depression. During this time I raised official grievances about out of pocket travel expenses, fuel, insurance, and other matters.
All were dismissed.
After being off work for 3 months I was told that if I didn’t return to work then they would initiate dismissal proceedings against me on the grounds of my mental health.
They even agreed that I could now claim travel expenses.
My other grievances had not been addressed ( reimbursement of £100 for the increased insurance premium, profiteering from me, etc) so I appealed their decision and was dismissed a second time.
I then decided to whistle-blow about the malpractice occurring at my original site, I worked there for 18 months and know for a fact that what I raised was actually true and what really went on there (or not!).
I was sacked shortly after the whistleblowing citing that what I had raised was tantamount to bullying and given 2 hours to hand in my keys, my uniform and take my boat out of the marina and a ban from every single marina that they ran.
During the previous year J and I rescued her daughter and grandson from another failed marriage and found a boat for them to live on with us at the marina. They relied on us totally for everything, school run, shopping…. everything. She didn’t drive so we were vital.
Begrudgingly I was made to transfer the ownership of my boat to J to keep the boat there so that J didn’t have to leave her part time cleaning job with the company and continue to support her daughter and grandson.
I went to stay at my sister’s place for a while until her partner issued her an ultimatum, either he goes or I do, so I left and went to live in my car.
Throughout all of this , J was busy poisoning everyone about my behaviour, making me out as unreasonable and temperamental.
After about 4 months I get a call from the manager of the marina that I was sent to. She had left that company in disgust and offered me a part time job at the marina where she now works. She then told me that she overheard a conversation between J and her boss.
“Don’t worry J, we have a plan, we know what we’re going to do with him”.
Shortly after she heard that was when I was asked to go to the other marina.
So, it transpires, my ex conspired with my boss to get me off site and away.
When I asked her she said she did it for my own good. For my mental health.
So hear we are. If you are still reading, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Betrayed by my narcissistic partner who has convinced everyone that she’s the victim and I’ve been abandoned by everyone we knew. Including my family who continues to offer her help and support. They bought her a car after I’d been sacked.
As I hope you would expect, I immediately began a claim with an employment tribunal for unfair dismissal. That process I tried to take on by myself but soon realised that I was out of my depth and needed legal representation. That was over 2 years ago.
The (video)hearing began on the 5th of January this year.
Day 1: I’m being cross examined by their barrister when the session finishes for the day, I’m still under oath until the following day.
Day 2: Postponed 10 minutes before we were due to start. The judge has been taken ill.
As yet, I don’t have any information about when we can continue.
However, and this is where I desperately need some help, I have the final 2 bills from the solicitor to pay and 2 days of fees for the barrister (with a potential 3rd day) due immediately . I have maxed out my credit cards on previous legal fees and was going to settle all the bills once I had received the compensation.
( the company had offered me an out of court settlement of £45K but I refused that as insufficient )
I’ve tried asking my family but they won’t help.
I’ve tried the bank and they won’t increase my credit limit anymore, no loan, overdraft or increase in credit card limit .
There’s no friends that I know that can help me at all.
Please help me to save and rebuild my life. I’m 60 this year.
I have never experienced sadness and despair like I have done these last 6 or 7 years.
I have been and sometimes feel like just finishing it all and hope that they feel guilty for how they treated me. But I have to fight the injustice that has dealt to me.
Please help and thank you again for reading this.
PayPal.me/phil.the.van