This is very difficult for me, as I’ve always been fiercely independent. I’m a 45-year-old single mom of the most amazing teen boy trying to bounce back after a horrendous marriage to an abusive man. You know the drill. “I can help him be a better person with my love.” Well, I couldn’t. His dual-diagnosed mental illness progressively worsened over the span of our decade-long marriage. I knew a few years ago that I needed to make a plan to get out, so I went back to school. The emotional and financial abuse continued to escalate the closer I came to reaching my goals. With him refusing to keep a job, I was expected to hold the responsibility of paying the bills, buying groceries, and continuing my education. I used my wages to pay our HELOC and my car payment without fail and, unfortunately, the rest had to be placed on credit cards. I did my best to keep up, even as my school demands required me to drop my working hours to 20 hours per week. He ultimately left in a manic episode, telling me that I’m a prostitute and can make it fine on my own. For the past year, I’ve just been scraping by but healing in the absence of the chaos. In recent months, however, I’ve had to repair a broken main water inlet, as well as my car when the transmission went out. I did graduate. I completed my ADN with high honors at a local community college, and currently graduated with my BSN suma cum laude from one of the top 5 Bachelors of Nursing programs in the country. I’ve used my degrees to specialize in psychiatric nursing to help people like my ex-husband, to be a voice of compassion for those patients and for their family members. I’m working for the very psychiatric hospital that has helped him multiple times. I’ve doubled my salary with my new job, but the compounded interest is killing me. I’m working just as much overtime as I can get, but being autoimmune, I’m not feeling well for the majority of those shifts. Just last week, I worked 65 hours in a five day period. I actually got sent home today due to illness and I’m in tears because I’m giving up an extra $500 on my paycheck just because my body needs to rest. I am doing a debt repayment program. It’s killing my credit score and making me feel like a horrible person when I have to ignore the creditor phone calls “for negotiation purposes.” I’m not that person. I pay my bills and I own up to my responsibilities, but I’m at a loss here. I’ve actually considered selling my home with a rent-back agreement just to find a way out, but it terrifies me. If something were to happen, I would be homeless with a child and seven rescue animals. I know I’m rambling, and I’m sorry. I’m just a mom at her wits end feeling like I’m failing my child. Our graduation trip to Disneyland to celebrate my two graduations and my son’s promotion to high school was canceled because of finances. I had to pull him from one of his taekwondo classes because of finances. I wish I had family to go to, even just to talk things through, but I lost everyone in my twenties. I truly don’t even know why I’m attempting this, but my mom always told me that I needed to stop taking the weight of the world on my shoulders and I needed to learn how to ask for help. So, here I am. I’m asking for help. In the meantime, I’ll be looking for a second job. $100,000 would pay off my revolving debt and my car. $300,000 would also pay off my HELOC that I still share with my ex husband. My ultimate goal is to get out of the HELOC and move so he doesn’t know where I am, so I don’t have to have cameras all over my house anymore, so I don’t have to get the horribly abusive messages and threats from him because we still share this debt. I just need to start over. I truly appreciate it if you’ve read this far. It feels better just to get it off my chest or, as my mom would have said, my shoulders. Even if you can’t help. Have a beautiful day.
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