Thank you in advance for your time and attention. The story I am going to share may sound like a Netflix series, but it is ALL TRUE.
I am being held hostage in an emotional prison by my partner. This has been going on for over 14 years. Imagine a combination of emotional instability/craziness half the time, then a calculated, manipulative, entitled, pathological lying, predator the rest. Now imagine their only goal is to get me to commit suicide. I know this because I have come close once before. About 2 years ago, standing in front of my partner, I put the gun to my head, took a deep breath, ready to end the pain- forever. But something wasn’t right. My partner was amused by my actions and couldn’t keep from smiling. I did not understand this at the time, but this event was what woke me up to their truly evil nature.
As I tried to wrap my head around this, it was clear that this person did not love me. Suddenly it all made sense- the lack of empathy for my recent business failing, the collusive infidelity, the non-stop emotional and physical attacks, or not being allowed to have my own car, money, friends, time, feelings, job, or thoughts. Why else would an extraordinarily successful Los Angeles attorney, whose career skyrocketed after securing a landmark victory against an organized crime family be with an out of work actor?
From that moment on, my only mission was to get myself and the puppy out of this twisted nightmare. However, if I wanted to stay in this town, I needed a better skillset to support myself. With the remaining resources I had, I was able to get into a technical program for software testing. It was perfect. It paid well enough that I could afford to stay in LA, I loved the work, and now post-pandemic most roles were remote. This meant I could spend my days with the dog.
The dog was the only unconditional love I have ever experienced. She was beautiful, purebred, AKC, a dedicated companion, and my best friend. I was in love. Originally, she was meant to replace my partner’s former “heart-dog”, a kind of emotional support animal that had just died. Even as a puppy, she always stayed away from my partner and would cling to me. This created an enormous amount of animosity.
All I had to do was finish school, get a job, work for a month to make enough money to get out, and not lose my cool amongst all the abuse. Four months before finishing school, I was thrown a curve ball. I got up Saturday morning only to discover something had happened to the dog. She was not quietly waiting for me pillowside. Instead, I found her in the living room where she sat motionless, relieved to see me. When I picked her up, she was sweaty- had a high fever, breathing difficulty, and could no longer use her hind legs. I rushed her to the vet immediately.
Our local vet could not tell me what was wrong, only that she was not able to use her hind legs and that this was serious. They told me to take her in for both an MRI and a Spinal Tap. As an aside, with spine related illnesses/injuries, if they are not treated within 48 hours, often times, the dog never walks again. Every vet in Los Angeles was booked for over a week, so the next morning we drove down to San Diego for the tests.
The vet demanded a $6,000 deposit prior to the procedure. I did not have it. When I called home to relay the news, I was asked, “How are you going to pay for it?” Determined to save my little girl, I spent the next 2 hours in the parking lot of the veterinary hospital on my phone calling every bank still open. Eventually I found a bank, leveraged all the credit I had, but got the money! I signed the hospital paperwork and drove back to LA.
When I got home, my partner was already asleep. How could they be asleep after all of this? While sitting down to take off my shoes, I stepped on something just under the bed. The remains of a chocolate covered almond, only the chocolate had been eaten off and had little doggie teeth marks scratched across it.
Two days later I drove back down to San Diego to get the dog. The outcome was not good. She was paralyzed, it was caused by an auto-immune type response where the body had attacked itself, in this case the spine. As a result, she cannot control her bodily functions and would need diapers. The doctor gave her 3 months to a year to live. She had just turned 4. I cried everyday for the next 3 months but continued to care for her tirelessly, tried to keep my partner content, and kept coding.
After completing my coursework in February, all I did was code, study, and apply to jobs 14 hours a day. I wrote a great resume and had more interviews than anyone else in the course. But after 10 months in the market, I still have not received a single job offer. No matter how hard I tried, I could not shake all the horrible things I heard at home that kept reiterating in my head. “You inadequate loser”, “you’re not smart enough to be a tester”, “no one will hire you”, “… you need to stop being so selfish and put the dog down…”. Additionally, I had multiple remote interviews interrupted or abruptly ended due to my partner disconnecting the internet, hiring a new painter, having surveillance equipment installed, or bursting in to manufacturing some new drama. Once I can get away from all the brainwashing, emotional abuse, and intentional sabotage, I know I will get an offer.
My beloved dog suffered unbearably for a year. She hated taking pills, wearing diapers, kept getting Urinary Tract Infections and after 10 months was unrecognizable. I loved her so much, did not want to see her suffer but just couldn’t be without her. But on September 25th, 2023, my emotional pain wasn’t as important as her physical pain, so I took her to the vet one more time.
I realize that I got myself into this mess. I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY. I know enough now to never repeat this mistake. No more people pleasing behavior, or loose boundaries. Never again will I take my attention off my own financial responsibilities, or any other resource that will compromise my autonomy. After being punched in the face 4 times earlier today, threatened with a lawsuit for years of unpaid rent, and a call to the police for domestic violence on me, the abuse never stops.
There is no one else I can turn to, family, friends, police. I’ve tried. The only other option is applying for a lesser job not in IT. Which I will hang onto as long as I can. To break free and get myself out of this house now, I need financial help to do it. I know it is a lot of money, but I am asking for $20,000. The funds will be allocated toward a U-Haul rental, Storage Unit, a P.O. Box, rental car, a hotel for the first month, then first and last months rent on an apartment or room for rent (without a credit check), credit restoration services, therapy, legal fees, a down payment on an auto lease, and eventually once settled in, a new dog.
If any further clarification is needed, my email is in the link below, just add @gmail.com.
https://paypal.me/getDriver23?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Your thoughts, prayers, and donations will all be appreciated. Happy Holidays!