Hello, I am a 34 year old woman with PCOS , so I do not have any children and probably honestly never will. I’ve kind of given up that hope. I’ve always wanted kids but its doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me. When I was 14 years old my mother kicked me out of her home for standing up for her against her abusive boyfriend. I mean as soon as I started working at 14 I was no longer allowed to eat the food he bought because it was theirs. You would think why would a 14 year old stand up for her adult mother. Well, my mother is like a saint she is a kindergarten teacher and she never has said a cuss word in her life. She stayed with this man because honestly he had money and when it came to us or her money. Money always won. So she kicked me out for fighting him when I came in one night when he had her on the floor kicking her. She got up and brushed herself off and told me I disrespected them in her house and I needed to leave. Your probably wondering what does this have to do with me needing money. I’m getting there sorry. So, I left home that day and never went back. I tried a few times but was never welcome. I was not ready for that at that age. I made terrible decisions and I honestly felt like no one cared about me, so why should I. I ended up dating a guy starting when i was 15 who was 4 years older than me. He was into selling drugs and got busted and because I was there and wouldn’t tell on him in unfortunately our little racist town they gave me the same charges as him. This was right when I turned 18. I say racist town because the lawyer and DA literally told me little white girl dating a black man in this town see how good a judge treats you. I didn’t care I was in “love”. He was the only person who was always there for me and always cared for me. At that point it changed my life forever. I got felonies for distribution. They were going to give him 5 years but because I wouldn’t tell on him they gave me half of his time exactly. Same charges. How can to people sell the same drugs? I don’t know. I had a court appointed attorney and just did what he said. Not realizing at that age how much a felony would impact my life. After him and I got out, that’s when everything changed. The man I loved became the monster I swore I’d never be with like my mom. He physically and mentally abused me constantly. I stayed with him for 5 years after we got out and they were completely 5 years of hell. I mean it took about 6 months after we came home and we got a place before he started it. I have a scar on my face from him slamming my head into a counter. He verbally abused me everyday. Physically abused me at least 3 or 4 times a week. Spit on, Beer Dumped on me, Hand prints around my neck, black eyes, broken noses all of it. Why stay? How did I end up in a situation like my mother? I was scared to be alone. He was after all the only person who really loved me. Finally at the end of that long five years I got pregnant. Not intentionally. I would never be irresponsible enough to bring a child into that world. Since I was though I was hoping he may go back to the man that treated me good. No he was forever gone. He ended up physically abusing me when I was pregnant and I lost the child unfortunately. Only good thing that came from that was the strength to leave. I would never forgive him for that. He didnt just hurt me he hurt my child. Anyhow, sorry for the book just wanted to give you a honest true background. After I left him he got back on drugs and ended up in prison for ten years… Karama huh? Well, Ive been at the same job since then and haven’t been able to find anything better in this little town that will hire me still for that. I’ve tried I work forty hours a week. I am in a new relationship and we are at the five year mark. Well, guess what? Verbal abuse all the time just starting the last few months. We live in a two bedroom town home and hes moved his parents in and gets so sloppy drunk every night he cant remember what he even does much less says. He treats me this way because he knows if I don’t stay here I have and cant afford no where else to go. I’ve never in my life had any opportunity to have even 5,000 dollars to try to build off of on my own. So, here I am asking for help. I just want to be able to get a place on my own and have some savings and then I can add the money I work with. I am broke every week and struggling. He works but refuses to help me since his family moved in. I am miserable. I am to the point where I’m hitting a brick wall and wondering what my purpose is and praying and knowing I am a good person and god has something in store for me. All I’ve ever really wanted was t be happy and I love with all my heart and its gotten me hurt my whole life. Anything would help, if not thanks for listening and if so you really are an angel.