Looking at things from afar the combination of gambling and substance abuse created my situation.
Taking a closer look but still, from an outsider’s perspective, there was a combination of things that generated and pushed my poor behavior. If a list was to be made; the death of a near and dear loved one, being wrongfully charged with a major crime, health problems that come from an accident, and having to resign from a position and leave a career with over fifteen years invested would be at the top.
Today, after seeking help, taking the recommended steps, and talking to someone my “Plan” has changed. My level of depression was not normal, nor did I have the skills to cope with events in a rational productive way that unfortunately are just part of life.