How do I start this? From the heart and spill it out.
So my oldest son is getting married next month. I know I’m short but feeling tattered and torn. You see, his fiancées family is doing well in life. I was and am struggling even more so when it comes to “extra.” I have been a single mom and raised my son while working three jobs. Literally bartending, server and calling out for donations for Salvation Army. It was rough but I made it through it all. Now with Covid out there and lockdown to caretaking my parents and losing my dad a few months ago took a hit on the family as I was away and not crafting and trying to sell my items. There was no time for me to do anything. I was living a double life. So back to my oldest. I feel like I’m failing him and I can’t help with wedding let alone honeymoon. I feel like a failure, I really do. I know time is short the wedding happens in 28 days. I had a deadbeat from the past that even the State can’t collect. He is a great dodger of life and jobs for 27 years literally, a witch hunt for any support. I have fought all my life and now I’m just so exhausted for taking care of others. I take care of my senior neighbor and feed her as well as her dog. I take them places and take her to dialysis. All for nothing. I always help others I promise you can ask the world to God. I even volunteer myself to do yard work for the elderly as I know they can’t do it and they can’t pay either for anyone to do the work. I’m always there for others and now I’m falling apart. Maybe more so because I just got behind in life no fault just having trouble getting ahead. Debt free is and would be nice but I’m not going to be there for quite sometime. So I can’t take a loan out or advance on a card. I’m embarrassed to say tapped out. Just going pay check to paycheck which keeps me going but it’s not enough to save for extras. I have always been a saver but life just took a hit. I’m dwindling and feeling depressed over this. If I could get a job I would. Nobody is hiring me with no experience. Plus I have slipped discs so lifting is not an option. I also have to keep myself open for family needing of me. I just want to be able to give some help to my oldest. He is the most amazing man and he would never hold this over me I just feel like I’ve let him down. I have yet to offer anything and I know he said we would be doing a rehearsal dinner. I’m like OMG how can I pay for that now? I’ve looked at my house from furniture to junk. I have nothing valuable let alone money making to get me where I need to be to help cover. I guess I am asking for a little help if anyone has ever been in my shoes that had to raise kids on their own to just never able to have extra to consider a small donation.
God bless and thank you for your time and consideration. I will share wedding photos to prove that’s where funds would go