I’m not sure how to start this or what to say, I’m not sure anyone will ever see this. But you can always hope right? I’m 19 male my names Devon and just not sure where to go in life or what I want to do. I know people will be like your young you don’t need to have it figured out. But that’s hard when I’m falling behind everyone I know and don’t know what to do. I want to just get up and go somewhere and just do something with my life yet even that feels impossible. Everything I do gives me anxiety and only worsens my depression and people go on about how males aren’t supposed to feal that way and that they have to work and can’t be sad.
About my life. So, you’re probably wondering why I’m making this or why I’m not getting a job and growing up like everyone else. well, here’s some background I grew up like your average kid running around and being happy. That is until I was 13-14 I think it all started then. And like most cases it involved a girl, who I fell in love with, and I was always more mature I guess then normal. And I don’t think I was ready, or they were either it fell apart fast. It became so toxic, and I was just about to start high school at 15 (it’s been a year of this now). Now this is where my life falls apart for the first time. They attempted suicide and almost died in my arms and were so manipulative that I never went to or told anyone I guess I was just too young to realize I should have, and I still hold onto this. I guess I don’t even need to share that just basically 9th grade I was heartbroken and left destroyed stopped going to school. 10th grade I was bullied for not going and having depression. 11th grade covid hit for the first time destroyed high school even more for me and killed people I knew. 12th grade my parents just moved all of the sudden and I was left to make it on my own with too much anxiety to even get a job and afraid of social interactions. I wish I could just forget and leave this place and move on with my life and start over.
Conclusion, I’m not even sure why I made this I guess I just wanted to rant and get my hopes up that maybe this would make a difference and give me a chance to start over. I don’t even know if I deserve people to give to me, I just want to be heard.
Thanks to those who read this.