Hello, I am 28 and from Romania and I am struggling financially.
From a young age the only thing I could understand was fear, fear from the bullies at school, fear from a good old beating I had coming for not scoring a good enough grade, and probably the straw that broke the camel’s back, my alcoholic dad. He never really hurt me physically, no that part was reserved occasionally for my mother, the psychological trauma tho, it haunts me to this very day, the countless nights which sometimes turned to weeks of waiting for the late hour in the night my dad would eventually come home, intoxicated of course, and bust the door in and terrorize us for 1-2 hours…
Eventually my parents got divorced although the damage was already done, my mother became very spiteful at the world due to all the traumatic years she endured while I just remained my own fearful inhibited self, struggling to form the most basic of bonds. My appearance may fool some or maybe not, so far nobody told me “hey, you’re a weirdo” but I am pretty confident I can fake my way through society without raising too many eyebrows.
My parents continued their toxic hate/love relationship, hate being the strong point, even after their separation, for financial reasons as well as my sake I assume. I had mixed feelings about this at first, not knowing whether to be happy or fearful of this seemingly peace treaty and I eventually understood that it was ultimately a bad thing, my dad never quit his alcoholism. I know most people get strength from these type of situations and push through and have successful careers and families, I wish I had the strength to overcome this anxiety sooner and try to build my life, sadly the only coping mechanism I had was to alienate everyone and shut down completely, immersed in fantasy worlds where I felt I had some control.
I am ashamed to do this and expect anyone to give me money for my selfish/insignificant wish of moving out of the apartment where I am currently living with my mother so I can start my own life, but I just can not save up enough from my current job in order to afford or sustain a long term bank loan, not that any bank would even grant me a large enough loan on my current salary. Even with a program the government initiated ‘Prima Casa’ which loosely translates to ‘First Home’ I would be engaging in a 30 year loan that I would not be able to sustain and end up homeless.
I know my situation sounds insignificant but I am begging anyone that has anything to spare to help me fulfill this dream of owning a home which will serve as the building blocks of getting my life on track, away from all the stress inducing arguments and fights so I can worry about less stressful things like paying the utility bills for my new home.
My goal is to only save up enough money for my very own apartment, a current target of 60000 €, and I will be posting weekly updates with my progress!
Anything you can spare is a blessing and I would be eternally grateful!
Thank you for viewing part of my life-story, it has been therapeutic to share some of it for the first time, even if its just text on a wall!