Being a product of homelessness, it’s a subject I don’t take likely. Due to many poor choices I’ve made in my life, it’s also something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. I’ve slept on couches, in cars and even had my child in a shelter with me at one point in my life. And although today at 16, she doesn’t even remember, yet alone know, all the nights i cried myself to sleep after she. I don’t deserve her, or my son, but I’ve been BLESSED to have them. Back in those days, I chose meth before EVERYTHING, and even though it wasn’t directly stated, my family, peers and even my children, knew elsewise. I lied about it forever, umm, like 8 years to be exact. I was absent from milestones in my kids lifes, got eviction after eviction, I was so far into my addiction, I tested positive for meth when I was 8 months pregnant. I still cry having to admit being such a piece of shit, I literally still feel shame with that ugly truth. Being sick and tired of my “life” didn’t really help steer me in the right direction either, I was a monster. In 2010 I became pregnant again. My pregnancy was high risk, and my daughter had to stay with family, 5 hours away, due to my medical inability to care for her. I had my son on Dec 29, 2010 and i left the hospital 13 hours after giving birth to get high. The following few months after that I had gotten extrememly depressed, I had just had a baby and was supposed to be “happy”, and in actuality I couldn’t stop rehearsing many various ways of suicide. I went to jail in May for 10 days. I was sick with worry. I left my 4 month old baby in a dope house with his dad for 10 days and no contact. I had decided in jail, this life is nothing what I wanted, or was even trying to rear children in. Something had to give. I called my mom and told her EVERYTHING, and let her know that i was battling something far more greater then I ever anticipated, and I needed help. On June 9th 2011, I shoved everything i coulod into a covered trailor and moved 5 and a half hours away. I elated to say I’VE BEEN SOBER SINCE THAT DAY!!! Unfortunately, I have not been able to shake the struggle. I got hired at Pizza Hut 6 weeks after I moved to Oshkosh, where I stayed employed for 8 years. I was sucessfully living sober and although it was HARD, super hard, I never gave up. 2020 has left an impression that will never fade from my memory, that year alone from May 2020- Jan 2021, I was hospitalized regularly. I was passing kidney stones like a child losing teeth. Spending a majority of that year in a hospital, subjected to over 13 surgeries, I had recieved results from my bloodwork, that I never could have imagined. With no explaination, reason, or anything, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 kidney diesease and should probably follow up with my primary. I WAS SHOOK. Don’t you call for something like this? I don’t even drink, how the hell are my kidneys broke? My primary blew me off and said he wouldn’t even worry about it, but if I wanted to see a kidney specialist, he would give me the referal. I went to my appt, and at that time met the woman who saved my life. She asked my concerns and although valid, she informed me that she would love to help me, but the problem was not within my kidneys. WHAT????? Mind blown to say the least, but this woman, (angel), doctor went on and let me know she had went above and beyond, and knew exactly what was wrong with me. Hyperparathyroidism is a word I became familiar with quickly, it was auto-immune diesease, and I had it. My surgeon had never in 22 years of practice had never performed my specific surgery, requested i go in for further imaging, and that exact moment a huge reality check had set in, I was for real fighting for my life. In the time I had to wait for the referal to be seen in ENT, ears nose, throat, was 6 WEEKS. My body depleted its self to being bed ridden. I hurt ALL the time, puked all the time, was bleeding all the time, and to top it off, I had memory loss and confusion to the point all i could do was sob, staring death in the face. Promises and words I said from the hospital bed hit different. I didn’t know if I would live to even see my kids. I promised more family time and swore nothing would ever come before those 2 ever again. CLearly, surgery was a sucess and its an understatement to say it was life changing. I recovered, and thought I was given a second, second chance at my life. The longterm complications from the diesease were never really a thought in my head, let alone a thought. I was better, and thats all that mattered. Well, now its caught up with me again. I still have Stage 3 kidney diesease, and osteoperosis from my body devouring any and all calcium in my body, even stripped it from the bones. As the days went on I started to see oncoming challenges, that were too late to be fixed. I was lucky enough to have avoided the ENTIRE COVID 19 scare, when actually, i was just that sick from something else. That luck has also expired and I contracted covid. I was sick for 19 days, also that was the first time i had gotten “sick” since surgery. I was and still am unable to bounce back. My wish is to obtain a “home” for myself, but more for my kids. Each day my health continues to concern/scare me constantly. I feel like a failure as a parent, and worry that in the event of my sudden passing, my kids will once again be burdened by me, and left with nothing. I’m not asking for a mansion, 40 acres, nothing extravagant, just something they can have from me, reassuirng after my leaving the earth, they will not worry. I’m sure this is like a “hail-mary” in the 4th quarter with 7 sec on the clock, but hey, closed mouths don’t get fed. And its the least I could do, if my wish gets granted. Appreciate the time. Thank you for your interest, and bless this company. @TDeDeyne is my paypal