Since having my second son I have suffered on and off with crippling depression and anxiety, but I have the mom life skill of putting a brave front on everything and I feel the outside world couldn’t tell….
Well the cracks are beginning to show, quite literally, my anxiety levels are at their highest point and I feel like the world is suddenly against me. Everything is going wrong.
I have a child who has a form of dwarfism called Russell silver syndrome. He struggles to walk long distances. He is 5 years old and we rely heavily on our car for simple things like the school run, which even though it’s only 0.8 miles from our house he struggles to walk.
The car died! Repair cost was more than value of the car so we are now car-less. This means Monday to Friday I have to walk all 4 boys to school, my 5 year old can’t physically do this so has to go in a pushchair which he hates! It is humiliating for him and terrible for his self esteem but with a 9,7 and 3 year old to also contend with I can’t carry him half way when he gets tired and walk safely by the roads with the other three.
The celing in the boys bedroom is also on the brink of caving in and I have debts coming out of my eyeballs from trying to keep the family afloat.
My husband works long hours away from home and barely sees the kids but barely brings enough money home to cover our homes running costs. The work life balance for him is so poor I may as well be a single parent. He’s never around, but we have no choice but for him to work.
My sons disability has been declined at renewal which has left us £500 a month worse off so in even more of a dire situation than before. We can’t afford the nursery fees for me to go out to work too either.
We have no savings to replace either the car or repair the damaged celing which I’m constantly worried will cave in at any moment.
I feel like everything is piling on top of me and while money doesn’t buy happiness, in my life and for my mental wellbeing it would go a mighty long way in easing the stresses.
My sons are picking up on my low mental mood and sadness and I don’t want them to worry about mummy being sad all the time or to worry about what we can and can’t afford. I want them to enjoy being children.