Hello I am 22 years old, my name is Zack. I’d like to tell my story so you can get an idea of who I am. I was born in Washington state, infact I have never left the state all 22 years have been lived here. I was born into a life where my father was abusive and often drank at bars and would have violent outburts he kicked me across the room when I was a 1 year old. My mother took me away from him and lived with her parents for a while till she met her husband. I never got close to him or my mother really, I always question if thats my fault or not. I was a shy kid but would open up if you approached me first, still am that way. I had made friends in elementary school but going into middle school we moved and I had to leave all my friends. Being the shy kid who isnt exactly the most comfortable reaching out, I never stayed in contact with any of them. Middle school is when my depression issues started manifesting. My mom never really checked up on me much and had me be really independent from her. No lunches made, no laundry done, no checking up on me. I felt more and more alone, luckily early on in middle school however I made some friends, not the best ones but I had them atleast. I met one kid in 7th grade who was alot like me, we both liked video games, both shy but both open up after a while. We were good friends up until 9th grade in high school where yet again we moved and I lost all my friends including him. This is were depression wasnt just manifesting, it was in effect. New high school, 10th grade so no one is trying to make friends cause most people already had some. Not me, I sat alone every single lunch, failed all my classes cause I would just draw and write little songs to try to ease my emotions. I never ate enough so my stomach always groweled and it was so embarassing I would stab my pencil into my stomach so it would stop. At home my mom and her husband still never checked up on me, I was never spoken to unless it was a holiday or I went out of my room first. But I would stay in my room cause I thought I was a waste of space and should die already. My head was in such a bad point that if I hydrated myself my head would just think worse thoughts and be more active, so I never drank or ate enough and was shy and was never talked to. 11th grade comes around and I switch to fully online stay at home high school. It was easy, ofcourse I was lazy from being so down so it still took me a while. Soon after that however my mom sat me down and said shes getting a divorce, She is taking my little brother and hooking back up with an old boyfriend she still had feelings for or something. She left me with her ex husband who I was never close with and worked all day so I never saw him. Basically I was alone everyday trying to cope with my depression with no one to talk to. Sadly I did eventually cut my forearm hoping someone would notice, I remember hiding my blankets crying with blood running down my arm. I just sat there lifeless and empty as it dried on my arm. Those scars are still with me today, they sorta blend in but im sure some people have noticed. My mom had but never said anything, this tore the hole in my heart even wider. I hoped if she saw she would finally try to help me. Eventually I push and push and finally graduate high school. But before I could my moms ex husband wanted me out the house so I had to move back in with my mom. I am 18 at this point in life, directionless since I never talked to anyone, never got advice, I did nothing with my diploma for a good 6 months. Finally my mom gives me an ultimatum of me needing to find a job in the next 2 weeks or else. So I find a job, no idea how I go on google maps and click on buisnesses and looked for a career tab on the websites. Up until I found Walmart and started working there, I didnt ever make any friends but definitely some decent acquaintances eventually my working conditions and my head get to me and I walk out with my girlfriend who also worked there. Who knows why she loves me but, shes my world. 3 months later with no job trying to cope with depression that was been building up more and more ever since I was 12 we reach present day. I am currently looking for a job, no opportunites yet. My car insurance and subscriptions are put me into the dirt and now my credit card is at 600$ and I got 80$ in my checking account. I just need a boost to get me going, I might be depressed but I have dreams. I’d love to be a video game designer one day and once I am back on my feet thats what im going to start working towards. Save money for college with a new job. Anyways if you read all this thank you so much for sticking through. I know other people have it alot worse then me however, I thought maybe this was worth a shot. Thanks again bye bye.
-Zack